“I don’t imagine so, but he’s the head of electronics and I know he’s been working on the unified field theory just as a hobby. He’s the fellow who got me to wondering about energized metal particles in colloidal suspension. Think I’d better call him?”
“Son,” I said, trying to retie my bathrobe belt, “You not only call him, but if it’s possible, get him to come here…. I’ve got to get down. Hell, I haven’t even shaved yet this morning, and I’ve got to be at work in about two hours.”
“You may not get down from there that soon, but I’ll go call him right now.”
Jim left for the phone, and shortly Mary came in with a steaming tray of food. That’s where the fun began.
First of all, picture the old house. It was very old, and had high, pine-paneled ceilings… probably twelve feet high. Duchess and I were a little off-center, closer to the door, I guess. The room was big, and being on the ground floor, had a dormer window looking out on our rather scraggly garden. In fact, pretty soon I began to get the impression from the pine “boards” “beneath” me, that I was actually lying on a floor, and the ceiling to floor dormer window didn’t do anything to help either. Curtains looked rather odd though, sticking straight “up.”
About the food: Mary was right under us with the tray. She put it down, picked up a bowl of oatmeal and started to hand it to me. She couldn’t reach high enough and I couldn’t reach down far enough. The thought crossed my mind, “why not stand up?” Well, I tried it, Brother! What a sensation! As I began gathering my legs under me, the idea of being on a pine floor increased. Increased until I made the mistake of looking out the window! It’s just plain impossible to describe, but try to imagine how it would look right now, if you looked out your window… at the top (to you) is the ground, and at the bottom? Nothing! Just nothing, but blue sky. The vertigo was pretty bad and I flopped back down, or rather “up” and tried to regain my equilibrium.
“What’s the matter?” my wife asked. “Don’t you want any breakfast?”
As soon as I caught my breath, I said, “Well, yes and no, honey. Could you or Johnny get a ladder? I think that might do it.” I could stay lying down that way.
Johnny brought in the short stepladder, so without standing “up” I at least got my hands on the food. Hands is about all. Here’s a picture for you…. Flat on your back; an open dish of hot oatmeal open side to, coming right at you. When you grab it you have to reach around behind it to keep it from falling. You get it right up to your face, take the spoon and start to take a bite. How do you do it? I don’t know either. I gave up oatmeal right then and there. Johnny, and again, bless his little heart, had the idea that saved us. “Hey, Dad, why don’t you try a banana?” It worked! In fact, most any food that was in a chunk could be eaten. Difficult, but it could be done. The big problem then was liquid, and again Johnny came to my rescue with some fountain straws from the corner drugstore. For Duchess it was easy. She just lapped.
About the time we finished the battle of breakfast, Jim came back with word from Professor Jordan.
“Dad, I don’t think the professor believed me, but he’s on his way here.”
“Well, thank the Lord,” I exclaimed. “Did he think you were completely out of your head?”
“Not exactly, but he did think I might be exaggerating just a little, I think.”
“When will he get here?” Mary asked.
“He said he’d catch a plane out of there as soon as he could, and it’s only a two and a half hour flight, mother.”
“Then he’ll be here this afternoon?” I asked.
“He seemed to think he would.”
“Oh, goodness, I hope so,” Mary said. “We’ve got a date with the Ripleys to go to a movie tonight.”
I snorted. “Movies at a time like this! Why it might take days for us to get discharged.”
Days? Holy Smoke! I wondered how long it would take? Already, I was getting tired of lying down. Hey, wait a minute! What about the springs, mattress and covers stuck up here with me? There indeed was a thought.
Pushing Duchess aside and getting licked in the face once again for my trouble, I reached over and got hold of the mattress. In doing so I had to roll over partially. I really got the sensation then of being on a pine board floor. So much so in fact, that I rolled clear over onto my hands and knees. It wasn’t so bad after all! Just like being on a regular floor, reaching for a mattress and covers. Really had to keep my eyes away from that window though!
I finally got the bed straightened out and got comfortable. Duchess, no doubt figuring this was a rather special occasion, proceeded to ease herself in bed with me. At that point I didn’t care too much so I let her stay. It was a funny thing but she didn’t seem to have much trouble standing up at all. In fact, she seemed perfectly happy with the whole arrangement, but every-time I glanced at that dormer window and pictured vast reaches of blue nothing, my stomach turned over a little.
Guess I must have dozed off, because the next thing I remember was Johnny standing on the ladder, poking me with a tennis racquet.
“Wake up Dad,” he was saying. “Mother wants to know if you and Duchess want any lunch.”
“I don’t know about Duchess,” I yawned, “But I could certainly do with a bit to eat. Like to shave and brush my teeth too. Think you could figure out something?”
Johnny figured, and oddly enough it’s no trick to brush your teeth (I’m lucky to still have my own) upside down. It’s much the same as when you do it normally… bent over the lavatory. As for shaving, well I never cared much for them, but I used Jim’s electric razor and that was taken care of. No shower though. Not even Johnny could figure that one out.
Mary came in with sandwiches and coffee, and with straws it turned out all right. Duchess did her usual lapping. There wasn’t anything else to do but wait, so Johnny brought me the morning paper. Let me tell you, that’s no snap, trying to read a paper that’s continually trying to pull away from you. My arms got awfully tired after awhile so I gave that up. Noticing it was rather stuffy, I asked Johnny to lower the upper sash of the dormer so the air could circulate a bit, and as it became more comfortable, I must have dropped off to sleep again.
The next thing I knew I was awakened rather forcibly by loud screams and yells from the garden just outside the window. When I got my wits together and looked, the first thing I noticed was that Duchess was nowhere around. About that time, Johnny burst into the room, tears streaming down his face, and crying as though his heart would break. Close on his heels was Mary, also crying, and Jim was bringing up the rear.
“What in the world’s the matter?” I asked.
“Oh, Ralph,” Mary sobbed, “It’s Duchess… she’s gone!”
“She just flew right up in the air!” Johnny added.
“What do you mean, ‘flew right up in the air’, what are you all talking about?”
“She got out of the window, Dad,” Jim said. “We were out in the garden talking, and I guess she heard us. Looks like she went to the window, scratched the screen loose, and out she went.”
“Oh, Ralph, it was just horrible,” Mary sobbed. “That poor thing, going up just like a balloon… getting smaller and smaller.”
“Yeah, Dad,” Johnny sniffed, “We watched her till she went clear out of sight… she was kickin’ her legs and we could hear her barkin’ too.”
“For heaven’s sake, Ralph,” Mary cried, “don’t you go near that window!”
“Yes, you’d go up too, Dad,” Jim added.
Clutching tightly to the mattress, I assured them I wouldn’t go near the window, or the door either, for that matter. Just the thought of that poor dog sailing up in the air made me sick in the pit of my stomach.