I open my eyes:
Dark, night.
The policeman is saying:
‘I’m sorry, you can’t park here.’
Fuck.
‘It’s reserved.’
And I switch on the engine and the headlights in the reserved space that says:
Assistant Chief Constable.
No name -
Only:
Assistant Chief Constable.
I drive out of Manchester, through Wilmslow, and on to Alderley Edge.
I turn on to the Macclesfield Road.
There are no fire engines tonight.
And I pull up on the road and park there, the drive covered in the debris -
The house, what’s left of our house in silence -
Our home -
Gone -
Lit match, gone.
I get out of the car and pick my way up the drive through the debris until I’m stood in front of the burnt-out shell of my house, seeing those marks and smelling that smell, tasting that taste, again -
Tears in my eyes -
Unable to stop the tears, the fear -
Unable to stop the fear -
And I walk through the places where there were doors and windows, where the walls are now black, and I keep walking along the side of the garage until I come to the War Room -
The War Room -
Everything gone -
Everything but the fear -
Knowing -
Knowing they’re doing this to me because of who I am, because of what I am -
Because of who I know, of what I know -
Because of the fear -
To give me the fear -
And I bend down and take a handful of warm black ash and I spit in that black ash and rub it between my fingers and my palms and then I take the ash and draw a cross upon my face -
A cross to keep the fear away -
A cross to keep the fear -
A cross to keep -
A cross to -
A cross.
once again thank you for being a friend for you have seen my face in the stamp on the envelope of the letter e sent and e will leave this place to meet a friend in the winter that never leaves and says in a yorkshire way e say the weather is letting us down again winter still in the middle of may transmission ten sent may eighteenth nineteen seventy nine in morley Joanne clare thornton found dead in lewisham park the following morning struck twice on the head dead instantly clothes repositioned body stabbed twenty five times with a kitchen knife with a four inch blade extensive damage to abdominal area and to vagina one shoe placed between thighs coat thrown over her e parked and ran to catch up with her and e said excuse me and e asked her the time and she squinted at the clock across the way and said it was half past eleven and e said my what good eyes you have and she said thank you and e said where have you been and she said to see her grandmother and e said have you got far to go and she said it was quite a walk and e said have you not thought about learning to drive and she said she preferred to ride horses and e said well you should be careful out here alone in this park at this time of night you cannot trust anybody these days and e stooped to pretend to tie my shoelace and then e took the hammer from my pocket and e hit her twice on the top of the head and dragged her from the path and e sorted out her clothes then e took out the ten inch philips screwdriver which e had sharpened to a point and e took out the kitchen knife and e stabbed her twenty five times and three times e inserted the screwdriver into her vagina and e punctured her uterus winter still the following received june twentieth nineteen seventy nine e am jack e see you are still having no luck catching me e have the greatest respect for you george but lord you are no nearer catching me now than four years ago when e started e reckon your boys are letting you down george they cannot be much good can they the only time they came near catching me was a few months back in chapeltown when e was disturbed even then it was a uniformed copper not a detective e warned you in march that e would strike again sorry it was not bradford e did promise you that but e could not get there e am not quite sure when e will strike again but it will be definitely some time this year maybe September October even sooner if e get the chance e am not sure where maybe manchester e like it there there is plenty of them knocking about they never do learn do they george e bet you have warned them but they never listen take her in preston and e did did e not george dirty cow come my load up that at the rate e am going e should be in the book of records e think it is up to eleven now is it not well e will keep on going for quite a while yet e cannot see myself being nicked just yet even if you do get near e will probably top myself first well it has been nice chatting to you george yours jack the ripper no good looking for fingerprints you should know by now it is as clean as a whistle see you soon bye hope you like the catchy tune at the end ha ha thank you for being a friend traveled down road and back again your heart is true you are a pal and a confidant e am not ashamed to say e hope it always will stay this way my hat is off will you not stand up and take a bow if you threw a party invited everyone you knew you would see biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for being a friend if it is a car you lack e would surely buy you a white corsair whatever you need anytime day or night it always will stay this way when we both get older with walking canes and hair of grey have no fear even though it
Chapter 17
Joan’s parents’ house, sitting in their front room among the Christmas cards, their front room and Christmas cards like the front room that was our front room with its Christmas cards, the front room that was our front room until Thursday night, in front of their tree, their tree like the tree that was our tree until Thursday night, sitting in their front room, Mr and Mrs Roberts trying to leave us alone, give us some time, give us some space, some time and some space like the time and the space that was our time and our space until Thursday night, but they’re in and out all the same, me and Joan sitting in their front room on their sofa, the sofa like the sofa that was our sofa until Thursday night, sitting in their front room on their sofa like the teenage couple we never were, me wanting to hold her hand -
Holding her hand -
Holding her hand, holding back my tears, trying to catch hers, trying to stop them, – but all the things we’ve lost, there’s so much, we’ve lost so very much, too much, the things we’ve lost, there are so many, we’ve lost so very many things, too many.
‘The application forms,’ she’s sobbing.
‘We can easily get more, that won’t be a problem.’
‘But we haven’t got a house, Peter. They’ll never let us…’
‘We’ll get a new one, rebuild the old one. The insurance…’
‘Not if it was those lights.’
‘It wasn’t the lights,’ I snap. ‘And it doesn’t make any difference even if it was.’
‘But it’ll be years.’
‘No, it won’t.’
‘They’ll never let us, not now.’
‘Of course they bloody will.’
Holding her hand, holding back my tears, trying to catch hers, trying to stop them, – but all the things we’ve lost, there’s so much, we’ve lost so very much, too much, the things we’ve lost, there are so many, we’ve lost so very many things, too many.
Her mother puts her head round the door again: ‘Another cup of tea anyone?’
I glance at my new watch, shaking my head and lie: ‘I’ve got to be in the office.’
‘At least you’ve still got a job,’ Joan sniffs. ‘Least you’ve still got that.’
I get into the car.
I sit behind the wheel.
I look at my watch again:
10:08:00 -
I turn the key in the ignition and pull out of their drive.