Motivated by a concentrated blend of respect and intimidation, Stephen stood straighter than he had in years. His legs, cast and all, came to full attention with his heals locked together and feet at a forty-five degree separation. Leaning the crutch against his rib cage, he raised his arm and returned the salute.
They both dropped their arms and the Sergeant Major extended his arm to shake Stephen’s hand. His voice was rooted and rich, and while it clearly had the ability to command respect from the rowdiest of reprobates, it emerged with a tenderness and compassion which could only come from one who appreciated better than most, the value of a life.
“Sergeant Lantz, my name is Andre Waters and I came down here to say thank you to a man who goes above and beyond his responsibilities. I came down here to say thank you to a man who would place the lives of his men above his own, to say thank you to a man for keeping his head when most would have buried theirs.”
Still shaking hands, Sergeant Major Waters paused for a brief moment to collect his words. He was nearly betrayed by a growing lump in his throat, but he continued to forcefully lock eyes with Stephen. The man could have stood there for an hour without saying a word and Stephen would have waited, patiently.
“I came down here,” his voice renewed and strong, “to say thank you to the man who brought my grandson back home to my wife and me.”
Stephen was unsure how to respond to such a direct tone. While it was clearly spoken in gratitude, Stephen felt uncomfortable taking any credit for saving Corporal Waters’ life. “I’m honored, Sergeant Major,” were the only words capable of leaving his lips.
Continuing with the embrace, the Sergeant Major brought the other hand up to enclose Stephen’s and responded, “No, son. The honor is mine. Chip is doing well. Still has a long road ahead of him but thanks to you, we get to travel down that road with him. Son, your sacrifice honors every man and woman who has ever worn that uniform but more personally, your sacrifice will continue to bless his grandmother and me for the rest of our lives.”
As the grip of their handshake held, Stephen stood in silence and absorbed the impact of the deep appreciation being doused on him.
“I’ve always told Chip that to truly see the strength which lives within him, he only needs to see a reflection of himself during the toughest of times. Son, in that place where you two were, you got a chance to see yourself in the toughest of times. From what I’ve been told, when it all fell apart and you had nothing else to hold on to, a strength that works within you gave you the ability to keep your head together and do what needed to be done. You didn’t quit. You didn’t quit on yourself and you didn’t quit on your men. And for that, we are all blessed and thankful.”
The subtle scent of the man’s morning aftershave reminded Stephen to breathe.
“So now you know.” The Sergeant Major raised his left hand into a gentle fist and slowly, softly pressed it to Stephen’s chest and held it there. “Now you know what’s inside of you. Don’t you ever forget who you are and what makes up your reflection. In those tough times and there will be tough times. Son, trust me on that. In the days ahead, the months and the years. Whenever you face those times, you dig deep and you look hard inside yourself. Because now you know there’s a strength working inside of you that can do more than you might think.”
The man’s eyes seemed to etch each word into Stephen’s soul as he continued, “From this point forward, when you find yourself in the mess of things and you’re ready to give up, you reach out to that strength. You reach out and you get ready, because now you know it’s there. Don’t forget that.”
He paused, lowered his hand and broke the first hint of something which resembled a smile before finishing. “I can promise you, we won’t ever forget. And for that, I thank you.”
Stephen soaked in every word but was a loss for presenting his own. In his momentary hesitation the Sergeant Major, evidently a man uninterested in ongoing chatter beyond the directed purpose, released his grip and walked passed Stephen. He moved on to the other service members and offered brief but appropriate gratitude to each of them for their service and their sacrifices. Stephen observed each one adjust their bearing and stance as their respect for the Sergeant Major preceded his gratitude. He thanked the last Marine and then turned away to the exit. A moment later, Stephen watched Command Sergeant Major Waters get into the green cab. The man’s twenty minute objective had been completed and now departing for the last leg of a 2,000 mile journey back to the Northeast.
Sarah woke Stephen from his trance with a gentle embrace, “Hey you.”
“Wow, is it good to see you.” He brought his arms up to hold her and quickly kissed his wife with an appreciation even he didn’t fully understand.
“Who was that man you were watching?”
“Remember Corporal Waters I told you about? That was his grandfather.”
“That was sweet of him to come by. What’d he have to say?”
Still lost in depths of words which rattled around inside him, Stephen replied, “A lot.”
“Oh yeah? What about?” Sarah asked with innocent curiosity.
Stephen stood in awe as the scent of the Sergeant Major’s aftershave drifted from his reach. “I don’t think I know, Sarah. I just know it was a lot.”
Mile 14
Sarah knew the recovery time at BAMC had been a needed and well deserved time of rest for Stephen. But as many military families had come to learn, the hardest part of a soldier’s return home was being home. During over two years of deployments and medical recoveries, Sarah had made all the decisions pertaining to the household. It wasn’t a job she had asked for, but the day Stephen was activated with the National Guard, she became a full time employee.
When a Guard unit is activated, civilian communities bind together to offer support to the families of their military delegates. Sarah’s community was no different and the offers of assistance had been extremely encouraging. Initially, they were even overwhelming. There were food baskets, parties just for the families of deployed soldiers, free concerts put on, events for the kids. There was so much to do; Sarah was genuinely concerned Hailey would begin to think this attention was her new normal. Months into each deployment however, the community went back to its routines. Unintentionally, the wellspring of supportive efforts began to fade behind the brightness of daily life. Just as the veteran spouses of past deployments predicted to her, a few months into the deployment was when things would start to get really hard.
Sarah quickly found it impossible to keep everything together while trying to be both mom and dad to Hailey. As sick as Hailey was, she still had to be taught that Sarah was the parent and the final decision maker. In the beginning months without Stephen, Hailey would cry for him and refuse to do the basic things like picking up her toys until Daddy came home. Through several tears on both sides, Sarah eventually established her position as sole authority within the home.
Periodically, people would ask how they could help Sarah. It wasn’t an intrusive question. She just didn’t have a good response. There was always work to be done. But she quickly found that by accepting someone else’s help she often put herself in the inconvenienced position to coordinate their assistance. Sometimes it was a friend coming to help clean the house; who invariably would stick around to chat and cause Sarah to get behind on other items. Other times an acquaintance would do something like get a great deal on a replacement piece of furniture they needed, such as a big girl bed for Hailey, but it would still require Sarah be available for whenever they eventually showed up. None of these things had been bad, and she felt guilty for even flirting with emotions of frustration. She simply didn’t have the ability to drop everything in order to receive someone else’s graciousness. Eventually, she could admit to herself that what she was lacking was patience, and all she wanted was to be left alone to manage her divided family.