Hailey leaned up and gave Tom a sweet kiss on his rugged cheek. Stephen watched as his father appeared unresponsive before he subtly reached over, grasped his granddaughter’s hand in the clench of his own and pulled her closer to his own body. Hailey responded by softly resting her head over his large forearm. She then reached over and pulled Tom’s disabled arm up, positioning it under her head and began caressing it. “It’s okay, Papi. It’s all going to be okay.” Stephen wasn’t sure if he was proud or saddened by the fact that his eleven year old had such an incredible amount of sympathy and compassion. Compassion, he knew, that had been reinforced by the servant heart of his mother, but which undoubtedly bore its roots from Hailey’s observation of the caring people who wore hospital scrubs to work each day.
Tom’s face remained fixated on the picture of Rebecca throughout the entire service as though he were a student focused on a lecture. Even as the officiating pastor briefly choked up while giving the family a case for continual encouragement and the hope of reunion in eternity. All the while, Tom’s gaze never drifted from studying the peaceful face of his beloved.
Mile 20
The year following his mother’s death was a challenging one. Coping with her loss taught Stephen just how much of a support Rebecca had been to his family. Rebecca had always been a significant support to his wife, but he was beginning to realize that he too had relied on his mom more than he had even been aware of. Beyond the assortment of minor household chores he hadn’t realized she had engaged in, there was a strength about Rebecca’s presence Stephen had unknowingly drawn encouragement from. He had always seen his mother as a happy person but her attractive personality had the ability to enhance the environment so that those around her were lifted up as well.
Stephen felt the awkward void. It wasn’t just her passing that left him wanting, he felt his own sturdiness seemed to be lacking. He was unsure of himself. There was something missing; an absence in the room which had left emptiness inside of him. For so long he had enjoyed having his mother in his life without taking the opportunity to appreciate time with her. He knew it was cliché to regret things left unsaid but his guilt, mixed with life’s frustrations, opened a spiraling emotional vortex which swirled whenever his mind was idle.
To their relief, Tom did not make a fuss about moving in. Stephen felt that perhaps Tom saw moving in as a way to support his son, even though Stephen would now take on the role of his caregiver. The relocation took several weeks but it was more about not wanting to rush Tom than it was about packing boxes. Though he never resisted, Stephen watched Tom during the moving season as he would walk into a room and just stand there for five or ten minutes; just standing and looking around. Stephen could tell the man’s memories were stored in the home so once a week, Stephen or Sarah would drive Tom back to the house just so he could be there and enjoy a bench in the backyard. Tom would rest while they cleaned up garden spaces or tended to trees planted long ago by a firmer, energetic and more able version of the man than the one who occupied the fading wooden bench.
Stephen knew his father loved being at the home. But it was never more apparent than the day Tom went missing. Panic quickly turned to aggravation once Sarah pointed out that Tom’s car was conspicuously absent as well. The assumption was spot on as they pulled into the driveway of Tom’s house, parking just behind the vehicle that Tom was legally prevented from driving.
It was evident the time had finally come for Stephen to explain the new rules, which included an absolute prohibition on his father driving. When words were finished being spoken, Tom simply nodded with the disdain of a teenager receiving a parental lecture. Tom then walked over to the keys, pointed at them and began adamantly pointing to his own chest.
Taking just a moment to understand, Stephen acknowledged the restructuring of the contract. “Yes, Dad. I understand. The car is still yours.” This seemed to satisfy the retired speed-demon and he acquiesced, taking the keys and placing them into Stephen’s palm.
The microeconomic challenges in a household are difficult enough without the world falling apart from macroeconomic events. For Stephen’s young company, the ongoing economic riles pulsating throughout the country could not have come at a worse time. His company was providing income but it was sporadic and eventually fell below the hurdle of rising expenses. Fears about the state of the commercial real estate market and the overall economy proved to be constant storm clouds hovering over his business. Every time there seemed to be a ray of good news breaking through, it was quickly followed by a thunderstorm of doomsday prognostications which sent potential real estate buyers scurrying to find cover by cancelling planned purchases. Without a buyer considering investment into new commercial buildings, there was no need to hire an appraiser and Stephen’s company suffered from the lack of consistency.
A couple of years into the success of moderate sustainability, business slowed to the point where he could no longer distribute work to other contractors. Instead he yielded to the family’s need for cash flow and focused on completing the jobs he already had. This would provide good income for the month but since he had been working instead of prospecting for new business, the next month would have far fewer opportunities and even less money flowing in. It was feast or famine; only the feast was more like trying to enjoy a community potluck with a devotee to the Atkins Diet.
Sarah picked up part-time gigs from time to time but the pay was low and her available hours never matched with an employer’s needs. Under a bruised and beaten economy, where it was difficult enough for a full-time worker to find employment, it was a near impossibility for a worker who had the constraints of being the primary caregiver to a disabled father-in-law and a daughter who needed regular precautionary attention; never knowing if a flu was just the flu or if it was a resurgence of the monster within.
The Lantz household found it near impossible to budget from such a haphazard lifestyle. The cost of living continued to increase as soaring gas and food prices placed added pressure on them. Health insurance premiums became so high they dropped coverage on Sarah in order to make payments for a harsh introduction into the world of self-employment taxes. The pie could only be cut so many ways and it wasn’t long before bills were being paid late, periodically, and eventually not at all.
The letter from the bank about their mortgage was one Stephen had been expecting for some time. No longer waiting until a crisis hit before mentioning it to his wife, he and Sarah had already discussed the impending financial tragedy. Stephen struggled to accept the reality but Sarah remained calm and encouraging throughout. They talked through options and after a few conversations which took them well into sunrise, they came to the agreement that if it ever came to losing the house, they were prepared with a plan. Sarah also mentioned that she would be praying for him and for their situation. He thought it a bit odd but praying was something she was into nowadays and if it could add an ounce of assistance, he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.
Somebody saying they were praying for him was a phrase of encouragement he had heard often as a wounded warrior. It seemed to be a parting comment people made when they had nothing left to give. It was their way of departing with a sense of contribution as they left his world of torturous surgeries and grueling physical therapy, while they went back to their normal lives and struggles over which reality TV show they would zone into for the evening. While he appreciated the sentiment, Stephen had a feeling that such parting comments mainly served as a way for the visitors to have a way of avoiding feelings of guilt and helplessness. There was nothing they could do for him and providing a promise to pray proved to be a good way for someone to leave with their dignity intact. Stephen never begrudged those flippant words. Despite believing their prayerful intention never made it beyond the double doors of the hospital vestibule, he always gave the obligatory level of appreciation and gratitude. Now, his wife was talking about prayer all the time. She prayed over their finances. She prayed for their daughter, his father. She prayed for their company, and she told Stephen she would also pray for him.