Выбрать главу

drifting across a hillside far away.

Watching her turn away, this slender ghost,

this silhouette of mystery, his wife,

walk naked to her bath, the room around her

so long familiar that it is, like him,

invisible to her, he sees himself

suspended in the branches by the window,

entering this strange bedroom with his eyes.

Seen from the darkness, even the walls glow—

a golden woman lights the amber air.

He looks and aches not only for her touch

but for the secret that her presence brings.

She is the moonlight, sovereign and detached.

He is a shadow flattened on the pavement,

the one whom locks and windows keep away.

But what he watches here is his own life.

He is the missing man, the loyal husband,

sitting in the room he craves to enter,

surrounded by the flesh and furniture of home.

He notices a cat curled on the bed.

He hears a woman singing in the shower.

The branches shake their dry leaves like alarms.

SPIDER IN THE CORNER

Cold afternoon: rain spattering the windows,

the dampness spreading slowly like a mold

in the poverty of gray November light.

Another day of books and spoiled plans,

of cigarettes and sitting still

in rooms too small for us. How little there

is left to talk about except the weather.

And so we tolerate the silence

like the spider in the corner neither one

of us will kill. Yes, the doorway whispers.

But we will stay — until the weather clears,

the endless rain that keeps us here together.

SUMMER STORM

We stood on the rented patio

While the party went on inside.

You knew the groom from college.

I was a friend of the bride.

We hugged the brownstone wall behind us

To keep our dress clothes dry

And watched the sudden summer storm

Floodlit against the sky.

The rain was like a waterfall

Of brilliant beaded light,

Cool and silent as the stars

The storm hid from the night.

To my surprise, you took my arm—

A gesture you didn’t explain—

And we spoke in whispers, as if we two

Might imitate the rain.

Then suddenly the storm receded

As swiftly as it came.

The doors behind us opened up.

The hostess called your name.

I watched you merge into the group,

Aloof and yet polite.

We didn’t speak another word

Except to say good-night.

Why does that evening’s memory

Return with this night’s storm—

A party twenty years ago,

Its disappointments warm?

There are so many might-have-beens,

What-ifs that won’t stay buried,

Other cities, other jobs,

Strangers we might have married.

And memory insists on pining

For places it never went,

As if life would be happier

Just by being different.

THE LOST GARDEN

If ever we see those gardens again,

The summer will be gone — at least our summer.

Some other mockingbird will concertize

Among the mulberries, and other vines

Will climb the high brick wall to disappear.

How many footpaths crossed the old estate—

The gracious acreage of a grander age—

So many trees to kiss or argue under,

And greenery enough for any mood.

What pleasure to be sad in such surroundings.

At least in retrospect. For even sorrow

Seems bearable when studied at a distance,

And if we speak of private suffering,

The pain becomes part of a well-turned tale

Describing someone else who shares our name.

Still, thinking of you, I sometimes play a game.

What if we had walked a different path one day,

Would some small incident have nudged us elsewhere

The way a pebble tossed into a brook

Might change the course a hundred miles downstream?

The trick is making memory a blessing,

To learn by loss subtraction of desire,

Of wanting nothing more than what has been,

To know the past forever lost, yet seeing

Behind the wall a garden still in blossom.

BEING HAPPY

Of course it was doomed. I know that now,

but it ended so quickly, and I was young.

I hardly remember that summer in Seattle—

except for her. The city seems just a rainy backdrop.

From the moment I first saw her at the office

I was hooked. I started visiting her floor.

I couldn’t work unless I caught a glimpse of her.

Once we exchanged glances, but we never spoke.

Then at a party we found ourselves alone.

We started kissing and ended up in bed.

We talked all night. She claimed she had liked me

secretly for months. I wonder now if that was true.

Two weeks later her father had a heart attack.

While she was in Chicago, they shut down our division.

I was never one for writing letters.

On the phone we had less to say each time.

And that was it — just those two breathless weeks,

then years of mild regret and intermittent speculation.

Being happy is mostly like that. You don’t see it up close.

You recognize it later from the ache of memory.

And you can’t recapture it. You only get to choose

whether to remember or forget, whether to feel remorse

or nothing at all. Maybe it wasn’t really love.

But who can tell when nothing deeper ever came along?

THE PRESENT

The present that you gave me months ago

is still unopened by our bed,

sealed in its rich blue paper and bright bow.

I’ve even left the card unread

and kept the ribbon knotted tight.

Why needlessly unfold and bring to light

the elegant contrivances that hide

the costly secret waiting still inside?

THE LUNATIC, THE LOVER, AND THE POET

The tales we tell are either false or true,

But neither purpose is the point. We weave

The fabric of our own existence out of words,

And the right story tells us who we are.

Perhaps it is the words that summon us.

The tale is often wiser than the teller.

There is no naked truth but what we wear.

So let me bring this story to our bed.

The world, I say, depends upon a spell

Spoken each night by lovers unaware

Of their own sorcery. In innocence

Or agony the same words must be said,

Or the raging moon will darken in the sky.

The night grow still. The winds of dawn expire.

And if I’m wrong, it cannot be by much.

We know our own existence came from touch,

The new soul summoned into life by lust.

And love’s shy tongue awakens in such fire—

Flesh against flesh and midnight whispering—

As if the only purpose of desire

Were to express its infinite unfolding.

And so, my love, we are two lunatics,