“Would you want to admit to a dead person’s family that you lost the body? As a patient, would you feel comfortable going to a hospital with a history of losing bodies? If they can’t keep track of a dead body, how can they keep track of the sick ones that are still alive?”
“I guess you’re right,” I admitted.
“And why are we assuming that he was dead—I mean dead- dead, not living dead—when he left? For all we know, he sprang to life and went on a rampage. He could have left a trail of destruction. The hospital corridors could be littered with corpses.” “Great.”
“I’m just keeping it real.”
“How else are you planning to make me feel better? Should we talk about gangrene again? Oh gosh, I’m a little woozy. I sure hope it’s not a tumor. How many nuclear missiles do you think are pointed at us right now? Do you think the sun is ever going to just stop working?”
“Are you two done?” Kelley asked.
Adam nodded. “I was born done.”
“What?”
“Oh. Sorry. I don’t even know what that meant.”
“If you guys can stop...I don’t even know what it is you’re doing. It’s not real talking. I wanted to let you know that we’re almost there.”
“I knew that,” said Adam.
“You should. You’ve been here twice.”
“I know. I’m just reminding you that I’m on top of things.” “Well, thank you.”
“No problem.”
We were finally on Duncan Street, which was lined with plenty of lame little shops that I would never personally visit, because I don’t like stores that suck.
We drove past snooty shop after snooty shop. There were a few people wandering around but not nearly as many as I would have expected. A shopping district like this shouldn’t have had this many available parking spaces. Weird.
And there it was: Esmeralda’s House of Jewelry. A tiny little store with a barely legible sign sandwiched between a coffee shop and another coffee shop. Our quest was over.
Adam pulled the taxi into a parking space right in front of the store and shut off the engine. “You guys mind if I wait in the car?”
CHAPTER 25
“Are you kidding?” I asked.
Adam shrugged. “I just don’t see why it takes three of us to do this. The doll isn’t very heavy.”
“What are you afraid of, Adam?”
“Nothing.”
“There’s something.”
“Nothing. I’m only being practical. The cab is stolen. What if the driver comes back for it? Who will defend it?”
“If he manages to find us, I think we can let it go.”
“I’m not trying to get out of going in there or anything,” Adam said. “All I’m saying is that we don’t need all three of us. That’s all. No big deal. And I figured that you probably wanted to go to make sure it was done right, and Kelley would want to go with you because she’s your girlfriend, and so maybe we didn’t need to all go, know what I mean? You guys can do this just as well as I can.”
“I have a bullet hole in my leg, Adam,” said Kelley.
“It’s not a hole. It’s a scrape.”
“Call it a scrape again. I quadruple dare you.”
“Okay, it’s a groove. You’ve got a big groove in your leg. If you didn’t want to walk into the store, I’d totally understand. I wouldn’t want to walk in there either in your condition. I was paying you a compliment by saying that you would want to walk in there even though you got shot in the leg. When you said you didn’t need to go to the hospital, I was impressed! I thought, wow! I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that kind of devotion.”
I stared at him. “I think that is the most babbling I’ve ever heard a person do. It’s like every sentence you say gets more and more desperate. What’s wrong with you?”
“Please don’t make me go in there.”
“You’re coming with us.” I opened the car door. “If you try to run, I swear, hurt foot or not, I will take you down.”
Adam sadly opened the driver’s side door and got out of the cab. Kelley and I got out as well. I held the voodoo doll very carefully, because losing it with six or seven steps to go to our destination would be beyond lame.
I had no idea what was going on with Adam, but I couldn’t help but suspect that there was some sort of unpleasant revelation awaiting us when we entered the store.
We pushed open the door. A small bell above the door tinkled. The shop was very tiny, consisting of little but two long display cases of jewelry. Behind the counter was a beaded curtain. The place smelled like incense mixed with mildew mixed with Lysol mixed with a cheeseburger that should have been eaten much sooner than now.
“We’re closed,” said a voice that sounded like it belonged to the oldest, croakiest, phlegmiest woman in the world. It came from behind the curtain.
“My name is Kelley,” said Kelley. “I called earlier.”
The woman pushed through the beaded curtain. She was dressed entirely in black, except for her immense amount of gaudy jewelry. She looked about eighty years younger than she sounded, meaning she looked about forty.
“You called about the doll?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Well, where have you been for crying out loud? Do you think I have nothing better to do than stand around all night waiting for you? You said you’d be right over! This wasn’t right over!” “We’re sorry.”
“You’re lucky Gordon Ramsay isn’t on tonight, or you’d be out of luck. So you’ve got a doll problem, huh?”
“Yes. Like I said on the phone, you sold our friend a voodoo doll, and we need its power taken away.”
“Voodoo?”
“Voodoo.”
The woman snorted. “Calling my practice voodoo is an insult to true Haitian Vodou. This has nothing to do with the supreme god Bondye, nor are there any loa involved, and I’m as much of a mambo as you are a member of the Blue Man Group. Even if we extended the definition to include New Orleans voodoo, where’s the Legba? Where’s the gris-gris? Why don’t you do a little research?”
Kelley remained calm, though it was clearly not easy. “Do you sell dolls that are like what somebody would call a voodoo doll?”
“On occasion. Maybe. Touristy stuff. Who wants to know?”
“I do.”
“I don’t know who you are. My eyesight is terrible. I literally can’t see more than six inches in front of my face. Come up real close and state your business.”
The three of us looked at each other. Well, Kelley and I did. Adam was looking at the floor.
Do you think she can hurt us? I mouthed to Kelley.
She seems harmless, Kelley mouthed back.
What if there’s a trapdoor? I mouthed.
Kelley shrugged. I think we have to trust her.
I mouthed back something that would have been blurred on television.
What else were we supposed to do? We couldn’t just walk out of the place and hope that we happened to stumble upon some other lady who could deactivate a voodoo doll. We had to trust that this woman was not going to whack off our heads with a machete.
Despite all of the homicidal people we’d encountered, I wasn’t getting a I’m gonna kill you vibe from this woman. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she said, “Come closer. closer. closer. cloooooossssssseeeeerrrrrr,” and then when we were only a couple of inches away went “BOO!!!” but I didn’t think she’d try to slay us.
We walked up to the counter.
The woman’s eyes widened, and she pointed at the side of my head. “Holy cow, kid, your ear is pulped! Why aren’t you at a hospital?”