“That basic gist, yes. But that easier than original morgue plan, so when you think about it, living dead teacher good thing. Go. We care for doll while you gone. Not let monkeys steal it. We do spell when you return.”
The other woman, who’d said nothing since Esmeralda came out and, now that I think of it, had kind of looked like she was in a trance the entire time, blinked. “When they return?”
“Yes. When they. ..oh no.”
“I thought we were starting now.”
“No.”
“I’m sorry. I thought these kids would appreciate that I went ahead and got started. And when I go into the dazed state, I don’t really hear anything.”
Esmeralda returned her attention to me. “Small problem that I think you no like,” she said. “Spell already in progress. My sister not aware of complications involving other doll and first victim that we discuss earlier. You now have, how you say, ticking clock.”
“What kind of ticking clock?”
The younger woman took over. “Think of it as being like the alarm clock you use to wake yourself up in the morning to go to school. Except that instead of making a beeping sound, it causes your body to incinerate from the inside out and banishes your soul to hell.”
“I.. .would not enjoy that alarm,” I said.
“Maybe it’s not specifically hell. Someplace very similar, though. Lakes of fire for sure.”
“I don’t want to be rude,” I said, wanting very much to be rude, “but if the risk of hellfire was involved, do you think maybe you could have verified that it was time to start the spell beforehand?” “Most people who seek enchanted objects actually want them to do what they’re supposed to. We don’t get a high return rate. I empathize with your plight, but it’s not my fault that you dabbled in the dark arts without being ready to commit.”
I said, “I didn’t—” and then decided that I should stop talking. My sense of moral outrage at their poor customer service had to take a backseat to the race against time to avoid internal incineration.
“How long do we have?” Kelley asked.
“From when I started the spell? About an hour and a half. So let’s say ninety minutes minus a couple of minutes. I’ve never been one to interfere in other people’s business, but my recommenda- tion—and it’s only a recommendation—is that you get moving.”
CHAPTER 26
To demonstrate how much time was of the essence, I’m going to skip the part where we exchanged a few more lines of dialogue, left Esmeralda’s House of Jewelry, had a wacky misadventure where we couldn’t find the keys to the taxi, fought a bird (long story), got the cab in motion, discussed whether we should try to retrieve Mr. Click or the other doll first, decided on Mr. Click in a surprisingly unanimous decision, and drove toward the manhole where we would hopefully still find our history teacher.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked Adam.
“Tell you what?”
“That you got the voodoo doll for free because they think you’re the Chosen One! We asked if you were keeping something from us. You said no. We asked again. You said no. We knew you were lying. Do you know how embarrassing it is to hear about this from a stranger?”
“I don’t want to be the Chosen One,” said Adam. “I mean, I don’t even want to be a hall monitor, so how can I be responsible for saving humanity?”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, she’s clearly a raving lunatic.”
“I don’t know. I’ve always felt like I was meant for something important, something historic, but I thought maybe I’d become a famous singer or something. Remember that one song I wrote, where I tapped spoons on glasses? That was kind of catchy, right?”
“I don’t remember it.”
“It went ‘La, la, la, tra la la, le la...’ You really don’t remember that? Oh well. Either way, I don’t think Esmeralda is wrong about this.”
“Oh, she’s wrong.”
“Stop being so blind, Tyler,” said Kelley. “Nothing tonight can be explained by science. I tried, and I finally gave up. Obviously, Adam does impact magic in strange and unusual ways, and it’s clearly his destiny to save us from the frickin’ hobgoblins.”
“All right, I was headed in that direction too. I was mostly arguing on your behalf.”
“Do you think I should change my hair?” asked Adam.
“As the Chosen One, I’d think that you decide what is fashionable,” I said. “So wear your hair however you want.”
“I guess you’re right. I wish somebody else was chosen. We should have asked to read the prophecies.. .maybe they say if you live through tonight or not.”
“We’ll find out soon.” I was trying not to think about my potential fate. Despite living in Florida, I’d always been more of a cold weather guy, and I could never get behind the idea of eternal torment. I mean, by the fourth or fifth century of being endlessly hacked apart by rusty sabers, you’d be bored out of your mind.
Yeah, I’ll admit it: I was terrified. No shame in that, right? “Hey, there’s that pay phone that I thought was the other pay phone,” said Adam. “We’re getting close.”
I tried once again to maintain a positive attitude. Everything would be fine. Mr. Click had not been caught in a river of sewage and washed out into the ocean. His body had not been devoured by rats, forcing us to round up all of the individual rats that had him in their bellies. He had not sprouted tentacles and pulled himself miles away.
He’d be exactly where we left him. Perhaps gift-wrapped. “Do you remember which one it was?” I asked.
Adam looked panicked. “Was I supposed to?”
“No,” I said, sparing us the necessity of another madcap misadventure where we drove around in circles trying to find the right manhole cover. “It’s a couple of blocks away.”
The streets were still empty. This was good because we were about to do something that many people might find morally questionable but also bad because in our injured conditions it would’ve been nice to be able to say, “Hey, anybody wanna join us for a zombie-wrangling party?”
“There it is,” I said.
Adam parked on the side of the street right next to it and shut off the engine. “I was going to try to lighten the mood by making a joke about how you owe me a fare,” he said, “but then I thought, no, that’s weak.”
“It might have been funny.”
“Should I do it now?”
“No.”
We got out of the taxi and began the process of removing the manhole cover again, this time with a lot more urgency. At one point, we lost our grip on it, and it clanked down onto where two of my toes would have been, so in the end, everything, including bodily mutilation, happens for a reason.
“Do you see him?” I asked, peering down into the semi darkness.
“No,” said Kelley.
We all listened closely for any zombie-esque sounds but heard nothing.
“I’ll go,” said Adam. “I’ll find where he is, and then you guys can come down and help me bring him up.”
“Are you supposed to be doing things like that?”
“I’m the only one who isn’t hurt. Except for the marks on my chest, but those itch more than anything. It doesn’t make sense for anybody else to go. I may be more important to the future than you two, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you take all the risks.”
He climbed down the ladder and disappeared from sight.
Then he screamed.
Then there was silence.
“Uh, Adam?” I called down.
Nothing.
Kelley and I looked at each other.
“Adam?” Kelley called down. “Are you okay?”
Still nothing.
“Okay, well, I guess we don’t get to sit this one out,” said Kelley.