He fired into Mr. Click’s back.
Ribeye’s grin vanished.
“You’re supposed to let go when I shoot you!” He shot Mr. Click in the back again. Then in the head. Mr. Click did not release his foot. “Hey, this ain’t right!”
Adam rushed at him, tackling Ribeye to the ground. Another gunshot went off, hitting the stone ceiling.
Kelley lay on her side, with a lot of blood on her shirt. I rushed over and crouched down next to her.
“Help Adam,” she wheezed.
Adam punched Ribeye in the face, but it was an Adam-quality punch and didn’t have much effect. I don’t know if zombies have adrenaline, but Mr. Click seemed to have a rush of it, and even though three of his four major appendages weren’t in working order and an alarming portion of his skull was now gone, he made his way over to the Adam/Ribeye fight.
He butted his head against Adam, pushing him off the thug and leaving a small brain stain on Adam’s shirt.
Then Mr. Click pounced on Ribeye.
This next part is gross.
He dug his teeth into Ribeye’s neck and...well, let’s just say that it wasn’t a sensual vampire bite. He swallowed without sufficiently chewing it up and then took another bite. And then a third bite, munching as quickly as a contestant in a hot dog- eating contest.
At this point, I realized that this was pretty much the end of poor Ribeye. So I focused entirely on Kelley.
“Does it hurt?” I asked her, tears streaming down my face.
“Yes.”
“That’s a good sign, though, isn’t it? It’s when it stops hurting that you’re in trouble.”
“No, it hurts like a [bleep].”
“Good.”
“I’m sorry I can’t. ” She paused to cough up some blood. “I’m sorry I can’t help you.. .get Mr. Click up the.. .ladder.”
“You can’t die on me,” I said. “I won’t let you.”
“Oh my God!” Adam screamed. “He just bit off his nose!”
“I may not.be dying,” said Kelley.
“Do you feel like you want to say, ‘So cold, so cold?’”
“No.”
“Maybe you’ll be okay.”
“Oh my God!” Adam screamed. “He just bit off a bunch of the flesh that had been around his nose!”
“Adam.” said Kelley. “.come here.”
Adam hurried over and crouched down on the other side of Kelley. “You’re going to be okay,” he told her. “I promise.”
“I need you.to help Tyler.”
“I will. I will.”
“I’m not going to.die.quite yet.” She coughed again. “I’ve got.more time than.Tyler does. Leave me here. Get the other doll.”
“I’m not leaving you here,” I said.
“Then you’re.going to hell.dumbass.”
“Hell is worse than dying in a sewer,” said Adam. “Let’s get moving.”
I gave Kelley a tender kiss on the lips. “We’ll be back.”
“If you.think you’ll.be.gone.for more than.let’s say.forty-five minutes.call an ambulance.”
“We will,” I promised. “Are you sure you’re okay being down here with Ribeye? He’s really unpleasant to look at.”
“I’ll.close my eyes.”
Adam and I pulled Mr. Click off Ribeye’s body. Mr. Click looked at us, and for a moment, I could see the humanity beneath the surface, as if his eyes were saying, That was for you. Now solve your problem so you can go on to live a long, happy life.
“How are we going to get him up there?” I asked.
“Well, we know he’s okay with being shot in the head,” said Adam. “If we cut him in two, we could each take half up the ladder.” “First let’s see if there’s a rope in the cab.”
There was indeed a rope in the trunk of the cab. That surprised me. I have no idea why it was there; honestly, I only threw that suggestion out there so we could say we tried another option before we sawed Mr. Click in half.
We tied one end of the rope around Mr. Click’s waist and the other end to the back of the taxi. Adam drove forward, raising his body, and yeah, it smacked the top of the manhole pretty darn hard, but it was still the least messy alternative.
We put his body in the trunk.
“I’ll be back soon!” I called down.
We got in the cab and sped off.
“Do you think she’s going to be okay?” Adam asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. She’s strong.”
“Do you think her parents are going to be mad that we left her bleeding in the sewer?”
“She’s going to be fine. Look, Adam, I just want to say that even though the bullet missed you and hit her, I appreciate that you tried to take a bullet for me.”
“That’s what friends do, right?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. If the bullet had hit me, he still had other bullets, and he would’ve just shot you and Kelley
right after my sacrifice. The real person you should thank is Mr. Click.”
I turned around and looked at the backseat, which was as close as I could get to seeing the trunk. “Thanks, Mr. Click.”
“Do you think things are going to change for us?” Adam asked. “I would say yes.”
“I hope they don’t.”
“We’ll find out pretty soon.”
We were astonished that the only thing that went wrong during the drive was that we stopped at a red light and some guy got in the back of the cab and told us to take him to the airport. But then he saw my ear and said that he’d find another cab.
As we turned into my neighborhood, I said, “You’ve got to do this. If I go in there, they’ll never let me leave.”
“Okay. Where’s the doll?”
“Under my bed. It’s in the same box.”
“All right. Should I pretend that I don’t know where you are, or should I make up some cover story about how you were kidnapped and how I need the box to fill a ransom demand?” “Maybe you should just say, ‘Trust me, I’ll explain everything later,’ and not get into specifics. Be smooth.”
“Smooth. I can do that.”
As we turned onto my block, I could see that a police car was parked outside of my house. That was better than having three or four police cars parked out there. It meant that maybe the cops were there for the missing teenager and not the gang slayings and the escaped cadaver and stuff.
“Stop a couple of houses away so they don’t see the car,” I said.
Adam turned off the engine. “Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.”
“Remember, smooth.”
“Smooth as silk.”
“Yes.”
“Smooth as chocolate.”
“Let it go, Adam.”
“One doll, coming up,” he said, getting out of the car. “Smooth. Smoooooooth.”
He jogged toward my house.
This would work out. He’d get the doll, and we’d be on our way. I checked my watch. We still had about...oh crap, only twenty minutes. I’d have to violate the occasional traffic law.
It would be fine. It would be fine.
And if not, how bad could hell really be? No doubt it was exaggerated for publicity purposes.
Adam knocked on my front door and then walked inside.
Sure, he’d be swarmed with questions, but I’m sure he’d handle the situation with the utmost smoothness, and he’d just stroll right out with the doll tucked under his arm.
Maybe the taxi should be closer to the house just in case.
I scooted into the driver’s seat and drove the car in front of my home. I knew that my mom and dad were suffering, and I felt terrible about it, but there was no time to explain. I could imagine the conversation.
Me: Mom! Dad! I’m alive!
Mom: Oh, thank goodness! We’re so relieved! Uh, where did you get that taxi?
Me: No time to explain! I have to go! Quickly!
Dad: No! We can’t let you out of our sight! Not after fearing we’d lost you forever!