Ah John, surely you’re no going to grudge it to the boy on his testimonial?
Naw, course I’m no! John sat back down: Welcome. . you’re welcome.
I really appreciate that, replied Donnie. He stared at the pint and then began to drink it all in a go. When he had finished he burped loudly. We better be getting a move on anyway, he added. That auld man of mine’s got a couple of his cronies coming up. So’s the young sister ya dirty bastards any nonsense and yous’re out the door!
The other four roared.
I’m warning yous! Donnie placed both hands on the edge of the table and he cried: And another thing, the maw’s cooking a big feed. Know what like she is and all that, a couple of pots of mince and tatties or something so yous better be ready! And spewing in the lavvy’s barred!
Donnie Donnie Donnie. . Tammas reached across the table to shake hands with him.
Donnie laughed and he shook hands with each one of them. Then the waitress had appeared and was lifting all the empty glasses onto her tray. Well after time boys, she said.
Sorry Miss.
Sorry.
When she had gone Rab muttered, It’s fucking out of order but — spent a fortune in here so we have.
Donnie nodded. One question and one question only: would it have happened in Simpson’s?
You’re fucking right, muttered Billy.
At least we’re entitled to sit, said John. I mean we are, we’re at least fucking entitled to sit!
Tammas nodded. John’s right, we’re entitled.
Fucking right we are.
Aye, we’re entitled. Tammas folded his arms and sat back on his seat.
Aye. Rab was smiling. We definitely are fucking entitled. The boy’s quite right.
He is that, said Tammas. Hey John — you’re entitled.
Billy and Donnie were laughing.
Tammas glanced at Rab: Dont know what they’re laughing about when the boy’s entitled!
Aye but are you sure he’s entitled?
Course he is. Hey John, sure you’re entitled?
Fuck off.
Ah leave him alone! cried Donnie. He’s just gave me his last pint!
Rab shouted: Keep the fucking glass for a souvenir!
TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE.
Listen to the bent shot! said Donnie, glaring in the direction of the bar.
Still and all. . Billy raised his pint glass to his mouth: We’re about the last yins here. Better drink up.
Rab reached for his but Tammas passed what was left of his over to Donnie and said: Seeing you’re no everybody!
That goes for me too, said Rab and he poured his into the other glass.
Thanks lads. Donnie lifted the near full pint and he gazed at it, and he rose to his feet. Watch closely! Tilting his head back he swallowed the beer in a oner; he wiped his mouth with the cuff of his sleeve and then burped and added, I hope yous mob are taking notes.
Billy laughed. No bother to the Donnie fellow!
I wish to make a speech!
No wonder! said Tammas.
John started to applaud and the other three joined him in it.
Donnie grinned. Thank you friends it’s highly appreciated. I have got to say that in all my years kicking a ball about this is the first fucking testimonial I’ve had and I can tell you I’d just like to say how pleased I am.
Hurrehhh.
Hurrehhh.
Three cheers for the boy!
On you go the Donnie fellow!
The Donnie fellow’s a dancer!
Hip hip!
HHUURREEHH.
Right yous: The barman had arrived at the table. That’ll do, he said, or the polis’ll be in here in a minute. And you dont want to end up getting huckled now eh?
Give us a kiss, said Donnie.
A silence followed. John spoke first. He said to the barman: Do you know how much we’ve spent in here the night!
What did he say there? The barman was staring at Donnie.
Nothing.
He didnt say anything, replied Billy.
Give us a kiss, said Rab.
Aw naw. .
Right then! cried the barman and he turned and strode towards the door that separated the lounge bar from the public bar.
After a pause Donnie said: Watch closely. And pulling back his arm, he took aim with the pint glass and then heaved it against the wall opposite.
One of the waitresses screamed.
Donnie was grabbing for one of the carry-out bags of beer from below the table and racing for the exit. The sound of voices and a door slamming shut. Then the other four were onto their feet and lifting the other carry-out bag and running after him. Out on the pavement they ran to the left side of the building, down a lane of cobbled stones, their footsteps echoing round the high tenement buildings. Donnie was standing at the end of it, waving them on, one arm clutching the carry-out bag against his chest. He roared a laugh and then set off running once more.
•••
It was Margaret, calling him and chapping the door. He turned onto his side, tugging the quilt to his chin. She was telling him tea was ready. Okay, he said. And once she returned along the lobby he got up off the bed. He sat on the edge for several moments, eyelids closed. He yawned and looked about for his socks; they were lying beside his shoes on the floor and he pulled them on. He was already wearing his jeans and a tee shirt. He put on a jersey, glanced at the top of the cupboard; a box of matches lying by itself next to the alarm clock.
In the washroom he doused his face and neck with cold water and grunted while towelling himself dry.
She was dishing out the food onto the three plates when he went ben the kitchen. He sniffed and sighed.
She muttered, Flatterer.
Naw, he said, honest — it smells great.
Tch!
He grinned; and when she had finished he lifted two of the plates, carried them into the front room. The television was on, the volume down low. Robert was reading a paper.
The three of them ate in silence, gazing at the news programme.
Robert made as though to collect in the empty plates afterwards but Tammas was up from the settee immediately. I’ll do it, he said. Smashing dinner Margaret!
It was! grinned Robert.
No that good.
Aye it was, honest.
God, she said, the two of yous’re at it next.
Tammas was switching on the transistor radio while closing the kitchen door. He filled a kettle and set it to boil, arranged the crockery and cutlery in the washing-up bowl.
When he had cleaned and dried everything, and generally tidied the kitchen he returned to the front room with a book he had been reading earlier. The television was being watched by Margaret and Robert. A quiz programme. Eventually Robert said to him: I know what it is now! Go on the broo and stop smoking!
Tammas glanced at him, then he smiled briefly.
You should be encouraging him, said Margaret.
I am! He’s doing terrific!
Are you trying to stop smoking right enough? she asked.
Aye, a bit.
A bit?
He shrugged turned a page in the book.
Start training and get back into the football, said Robert. He smiled. So where is it the night anyway?
Tammas gestured at the television.
On a Friday night!
Tammas grinned.
Heaven sake man you’re letting the side down! A Friday night and you’re staying in! What are you married or something!
Hh! Margaret turned her head from him. Chauvinist pig! She leaned across and punched his shoulder.
That’s sore!
She chuckled, getting up from her chair; and she walked out the room. Robert glanced at Tammas: You staying in right enough.
Aye.
Robert nodded. He shifted on his chair, put his hand into his hip pocket, and brought out a small wad and rapidly peeled off two single £1’s. Here, take it quick.
Tammas hesitated.
Come on, before your sister gets back.
Tammas took the money. Thanks.