“Ninety kilometers an hour, señor. At the very least. Don’t give me that innocent look.”
“No, no, Officer. I’m not innocent.”
“So? You admit it?”
“Everything, Officer. I admit everything.”
“Take it easy, young man. You’re going to force me to haul you in.”
“I’ve nothing to hide. I’ll confess everything.”
“And remember, the young ladies will have to go with you…”
“That makes no difference. I accept my responsibility. In reality I never wanted to find her. I was afraid.”
“If you’re planning on spending the night in the bust, you have every reason to be afraid.”
“The truth is, I thought she was safe. They had told me that the musicians were going to be excepted, that they weren’t going to touch them…”
“No one is safe in the peni, young man. No one.”
“I tell you, she wasn’t really in danger. There was no need for me to do anything. Why should I? The danger would have been to draw attention to her.”
“In the peni they don’t respect anyone. Not even grandmothers. Do you understand what I mean, young man?”
“Yes. In those places it’s best to be invisible. If I had let anyone know I was looking for her, it would have been like pointing her out to them. They would have noticed her, while before they didn’t. Do you see what I mean, Officer?”
“What I see is that on top of speeding and reckless driving, you’re drunk. Polluted, if the young ladies will excuse the word. Stoned. Even your hands are shaking. Let me have a whiff of your breath.”
“If I found her, I hurt her. Not to find her was a favor to her. To see her only from the distance. And I would have put myself in danger, too. Well, I accept that. But I would have lost the confidence of my superiors. Maybe I would even have lost my job. And it was my first assignment. I had studied to build and now, in the midst of all the destruction, I had been given an opportunity to build. What more could I ask?”
“Look, señor, don’t try my patience.”
“And one day she saw me and didn’t recognize me or didn’t want to recognize me, all she saw was my uniform. ‘Let me pass,’ she said. That was all she said.”
“I don’t think you have a very clear idea of Mexico City’s peni, young man. Drug addicts and perverts. Not the best of company. And the cells are cold as tombs.”
“Then what, Officer, if it had turned out that she hated me? What if she had rejected me? Wasn’t it better for both of us to remain apart in our separate worlds united only by our memories, Prague, the Karlsbrücke, that summer of concerts in the Wallenstein Gardens, the Requiem? The hope and the promise that we had been in those young days? Wouldn’t that seem wiser, Officer, more rational?”
“They don’t wear kid gloves in the peni, señor. They aren’t exactly polite and well-mannered. Try to understand the situation you put me in. I don’t want to force a night in the peni on anyone. But…”
“And escape? To try to escape?”
“Ah, just try it, young man, just try it. Plenty have tried and no one has made it yet.”
“To end up, both of us, electrocuted on that damn fence, trapped by the dogs of the Hundenkommando, executed by a volley against the death wall? Or simply caught and shipped off to the ovens of Auschwitz?”
“Look, my friend. I’m trying to do you a favor. Stop speaking Chinese to me. Show a little more respect for authority.”
“No, Officer, there was no way out. The only intelligent thing was to accept the situation and wait. She was one of the musicians and the musicians were safe. The war would end one day. Why risk our lives foolishly? And to top it all, she was pregnant.”
“You’re one of the lippy kind, aren’t you, buster?”
“To top it all, she was pregnant.”
“But lip won’t help you now. Look, man, look…”
“She hadn’t been faithful. She had promised to wait, that I should be the first. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t return to her, Officer. Did I declare the war? I thought about trying to save her. I swear I did. I made plans, I thought about it night and day. But, in her condition, escape was out of the question. We would have had to wait until the child was born and leave it with someone. Then maybe we might be able to make it. And the war might end first and everything be forgotten and forgiven…”
“Christ, you people inside the car, isn’t there a good God-fearing Mexican here who can explain the facts of life to this crazy gringo? You, señor, you with the mustache, you look like a Mexican, can’t you tell this fool to shut up?”
“But they had to sing. They didn’t know how to protect themselves. All they had to do was present a performance. Instead they presented mockery and a challenge. They were fools, Officer. Shouting, shouting Libera me…”
“You understand matters, señor. You don’t want me to take you people to the station any more than I want to take you. But one good turn deserves another. And when you’re dealing with a man who has authority on his side…”
“Li-be-ra meeee!”
“Señor, thank you, thank you. You understand things.”
“And after that, what could I have done? They themselves had condemned themselves to death. They themselves, all alone, when they could have been safe. Who was I to try to intervene now? I, the young architect assigned to the camp, a minor functionary, a Sudeten at that, not even a German, maybe a man whose loyalty was none too sure, just a young man who knew how to do what he was ordered to do, was I going to go to the Commandant and beg that Hanna Werner be excepted from the shipment of the musicians to Auschwitz? I? I was going to beg that her newborn baby not be sent off to Treblinka? A baby who was not even my son? Doesn’t that make you laugh? I was going to intervene? Lift my hand and condemn myself too without helping her, who was already condemned beyond hope? I? I could have been that crazy? Write that down, Officer. It’s a good joke. Write it down to laugh over with your comrades.”