There is a pounding on the door. Edwin grabs at me. He cannot see but his hands find my arm. He is pulling at me while I try to back away from the door.
More pounding. Hard enough to break it down. He will be here soon. I cannot hide from him any longer.
I woke up.
I was sitting at my kitchen table. There was no sound except for my breathing and the faint ticking of a clock.
And then the pounding on the door.
I jumped out of the chair. My gun. Where is my gun?
More pounding.
Goddamn it, my gun. I don’t know where it is. Not on the table, not on the bedstand. Where the fuck is my gun?
Pounding, pounding.
There, under the kitchen table. It was in my hand when I fell asleep. Down on my hands and knees, get the gun. Check it. Ready to go. Get back up. Go to the door.
The pounding stopped.
I stood there by the door, listening.
Silence.
I waited. Nothing.
I raised the gun and unlocked the door. Opened it a sliver and looked out into the night.
Sylvia looked up at me. “Alex.”
She had the same clothes on, the sweater I saw her wearing as I watched her from the window that day. It was dry now, but she still wasn’t wearing a coat. I could feel her shivering as I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her inside. “What are you doing here?”
She didn’t say anything. She just stood there and looked around my cabin. All the time we had spent together, she had never been here.
I grabbed a blanket and wrapped her up. “Sit down,” I said. “I’ll make you some tea or something.”
She sat down at the table, in the chair where I had just been sleeping.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said as I put some water on the stove. “You should be home with Edwin’s mother.”
“She’s gone,” Sylvia said, looking down at nothing.
“What?”
“She went back down to Grosse Pointe. She said she couldn’t stay here another minute.”
“But what about… I mean, what if they find him?”
“Then they’ll send him down there,” she said. “That’s where the service is going to be.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there watching the water. The cabin was silent until the water finally started to boil.
“Where’s Uttley?” I said.
“I sent him home,” she said. “I don’t like him. How can you work for him, anyway? He reminds me of a used car salesman.”
“Sylvia, goddamn it all.”
“What, Alex?” She finally looked up at me. “What?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry about?”
“Everything,” I said. “About everything.”
She started to say something but just shook her head and looked down again. I made her tea and put the cup on the table in front of her.
“He’s gone,” she said. “He’s really gone.”
“Yes.”
“It’s just what I wanted to happen,” she said. “I wished for it every night.”
“Sylvia, don’t talk that way.”
“It’s true, Alex. I wanted him to disappear forever. And now he has.”
“You didn’t make it happen,” I said.
“I think I did, Alex. I think I wished for it so hard, it finally happened. And you know what the funny thing is? I don’t feel a thing. If I was a bad person, I’d be happy. If I was a good person, I’d feel guilty. But I don’t feel anything either way. I’m just… I don’t even know what. I just feel nothing.”
“You’re still in shock,” I said. “You’re going to need some time.”
“And you’ll be here to help me through it, right? Is that what you’re getting at? Now that he’s gone? Now that I’m not your friend’s wife anymore?”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“The hell you didn’t,” she said. She threw the blanket off her shoulders and stood up. “Why did I come here, anyway? What the hell am I doing here?” She looked around her. “This is a pretty tiny fucking cabin, you know that, Alex? I think my bathroom is bigger than this cabin.”
“Sylvia, stop it.”
“I should have known it would be this small. You built this yourself, didn’t you? I’m surprised it’s still standing.”
“I said stop it.” I went to her and grabbed her by the shoulders again. This time I squeezed a little harder.
“Let go of me,” she said.
I just looked at her.
“Let go of me,” she said again. But she didn’t struggle. She didn’t try to get away.
I kept looking at her eyes, her hair, her mouth. I could feel the warmth of her body. Goddamn it all, I wanted her more than ever.
She just stood there. I couldn’t imagine what she was thinking. Her eyes gave nothing away.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I finally said. “It’s not safe.”
“What do you mean, it’s not safe? You’ve got a policeman outside keeping watch.”
“No,” I said.
“Yes, you do,” she said. “In the unmarked car, hiding in the woods.”
“No, Sylvia. He’s not there anymore.”
“Yes, he is,” she said. “I saw him.”
“What are you talking about? When did you see him?”
“Tonight,” she said. “Just now, I mean. When I pulled in. He’s out there right now.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The fear came to me. There was no way to stop it. I could feel it unfolding in my stomach, cold and alive. “Sylvia, please,” I said. “Tell me exactly what you saw. Did you see anyone inside the car?”
“No,” she said. “I just saw the car. I don’t know what kind. Just a plain car. He’s not doing a very good job of hiding, either. I could see half his car sticking out of the trees.”
“Where? Exactly where is the car?”
“It’s right out there,” she said. She started toward the window.
“No!” I grabbed her. “Stay away from the window.”
“What’s the matter with you?”
“That’s not a cop, Sylvia.” I held her in front of me and looked her in the eyes. “That’s not a cop out there.”
Something changed inside her. I could feel the anger leaving her body. “Who is it?” she asked.
“It might be Rose,” I said.
“He’s the man who shot you?”
“Yes.”
“He’s the man who…” She didn’t finish it.
“I think so,” I said.
“Why is he here?”
“I don’t know.”
She looked toward the window. “What are you going todo?”
“I’ll call the police,” I said. “Here, get down on the floor.”
“Why do I have to get down?” she said. The fear was starting to overtake her. I could hear it in her voice.
I pulled her down behind the couch. “Just sit right here.”
“Alex, this is getting a little scary.”
“I’m calling the police right now,” I said. I picked up the phone.
Nothing. It was dead. I just stood there looking at it. “I can’t believe this.”
“What’s wrong?”
“He cut the phone line. He actually cut the fucking phone line.”
“Alex, this is getting a lot scary now.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Alex…”
I picked the gun up from the table and turned off the light in the kitchen. There was a flashlight hanging on the wall. I took that and then I turned off the lamp by the bed. The cabin was dark except for the dim glow coming through the front window from the outside light above the door.
“Alex, what are we going to do?”
I got down on my knees. “We’re going to wait a few minutes, let our eyes get adjusted to the dark.”
She folded her arms around her knees.
“All right,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?” She grabbed my arm.
“I’m just going to look out the window.”
I crawled over to the front window and peered over the sill. The outdoor light lit up the clearing in front of the cabin, and the first row of pine trees. On the right side of the clearing, just off the road, I could see the front of his car. Sylvia was right. It wasn’t even hidden at all. Anyone could see it. Although I couldn’t tell if anyone was in the car. On the left side of the clearing I saw the woodpile, my truck, and Sylvia’s black Jaguar.