How his heart beat, while he stole up to her on tiptoe! He could hardly breathe !
" Nadyezhda Alexandrovna!" he said, hardly audibly in his emotion.
She startled as though a shot had been fired off near her, turned round, and moved a step away from him.
" Tell me, please, what is that smoke there ? " she said in embarrassment, pointing with alacrity to the opposite side of the river, " is it a fire, or some furnace—in a factory ? "
He looked at her without speaking.
" Really, I thought it was a fire. Why do you look at me like that, don't you believe it?"
She broke off.
" You too," he began, shaking his head, " you too, like others, like every one !. .. . Who could have expected this, two months ago ? "
"What do you mean? I don't understand you," she said, and tried to go away.
" Stop, Nadyezhda Alexandrovna; I am not able to bear this torture any longer."
" What torture ? really I don't know."
" Don't dissimulate; tell me. Are you the same as you were ? "
" I am always the same ! " she said with decision.
" How ! haven't you changed to me ? "
" No; I think I am just as friendly with you; I am as glad to meet you."
"As glad! why, then, are you running away from the trellis?"
" I run away! see how you imagine things; I am standing at the trellis, and you say—I am running away."
She gave a forced laugh,
" Nadyezhda Alexandrovna, give up this pretence," continued Adouev.
"What pretence? what are you worrying me about?"
"Is this you? My God, six weeks ago, at this very spot!"
" What is that smoke on the other side, I should like to know."
" It's awful, awful!" said Alexandr.
" What have I done to you ? You left off coming to us— you must admit. There was no keeping you against your will," began Nadinka.
"That's all pretence! don't you know why I ceased coming ? "
She shook her head, looking away.
"And the Count?" he said almost menacingly.
"What Count?"
She made a face, as though she had heard of the Count for the first time.
" What Count! tell me now," he said, looking her straight in the eyes, " that you are indifferent to him ? "
" You are out of your senses!" she answered, stepping away from him.
" Yes, you are right!" he continued, " my brain is failing day by day. How can any one behave so artfully, so ungratefully to a man, who loved you beyond everything in the world, who had forgotten everything for you, everything .... who thought soon to be happy for ever, and you "
" Well, what about me ? " she said, still retreating.
" What about you ? " he replied, maddened by her coolness. " You have forgotten! let me remind you that here on this very spot you have vowed a hundred times to be mine. ' God hears these vows,' you said. Yes, He heard them ! You must feel shame before Heaven, and these trees and every blade of grass, every witness of our happiness: each grain of sand here speaks of our love; think, look at yourself !—you have broken your oath!"
She looked at him with horror. His eyes glittered, his lips were white.
" Ugh ! how spiteful you are ! " she said timidly, "what are you angry about ? I did not prevent you, you still did not speak to tnaman —why, you know best."
" Speak to her after this behaviour ? "
" What behaviour ? I don't know."
" What! I will tell you at once; what is the meaning of these interviews with the Count; these expeditions on horseback ? "
" What! should I run away from him when maman goes out of the room ! and the riding means—that I like riding —it's so delightful; you gallop—ah, what a dear creature that horse Lucy! have you seen her ?—she knows me already."
" And the change in your behaviour to me?" he continued; " why, the Count is with you every day from morning to night!"
" Ah, my goodness, do I know why ? how ridiculous you are ! maman wishes it."
" It's false! maman wishes what you wish. For whom are all those presents, notes, albums, flowers. All maman? "
"Yes, maman is so fond of flowers. Yesterday she bought from the gardener "
" And what is it you talk about in whispers ? " went on Alexandr, paying no attention to her words; look at me, you" are pale, you yourself feel your guilt. To ruin a man's happiness, forget, destroy everything so quickly, so easily, hypocrisy, ingratitude, lying and treachery!—yes, treachery! How could you let yourself come to this ? A rich count, a society lion, deigns to cast a glance of favour on you, and you were melted, you fell down before this tinsel god; where is your modesty !!! Let there be no more of the Count here," he said in a suffocating voice; " do you hear ? stop it, break off all relations with him, let him never And his way again into your house I won't have it."
He clutched her by the hand violently.
"Maman, maman! here!" shrieked Nadinka in a piercing voice, tearing herself away from Alexandr, and directly she was free making headlong towards the house.
He sat on the bench clutching his head in his hands.
She ran into the room pale and scared, and dropped into a chair.
" What is it ? What's the matter with you ? Why did you shriek ? " her mother asked in alarm, as she went to meet her.
" Alexandr Fedoritch—is unwell!" she could only just articulate.
"And what frightened you so ? "
'• He is so dreadful, maman ; for God's sake, don't let him come near me."
" How you frightened me, you mad thing. Well, what if he is unwell? I know his chest is bad. What is there dreadful in it? it isn't consumption! let him rub it with opodeldoc—it will soon pass off; it's evident he didn't obey me, he did not rub it."
Alexandr recovered himself. The delirium passed, but his tortures were redoubled. He had not cleared up his doubts, but had terrified Nadinka, and he certainly would not obtain an answer from her now; this was not the way to set to work. The thought came to him as it does to every lover : " How if she is not guilty ? it may be in reality she is indifferent to the Count ? Her thoughtless mother invites him every day; what is she to do ? He, as a man of the world, is attentive, Nadinka is a pretty girl; perhaps even he wishes to please her, but still it does not follow that he has succeeded in pleasing her. She perhaps is pleased with the flowers, the rides on horseback, and innocent recreation, but not with the Count himself ? And even let us admit that there is some coquetry in it; is not this pardonable? Other and older girls—God knows what they do."
He drew a breath, a ray of happiness shone in his soul. Lovers are all like this; now very blind, now too sharp-sighted. Besides, it is so sweet to defend the beloved object.
" But why the change in her behaviour to me ?" he suddenly asked himself and grew pale again. " Why does she avoid me, and why is she silent, as though she were ashamed ? Why was it yesterday, an ordinary day, she was dressed so smartly ? There were no guests, except him. Why did she ask if the ballets would soon be beginning ? " It was a simple question; but he remembered that the Count had airily promised to get her a box, however difficult it might be; consequently he would be with them. Why had sh« gone out of the garden ? why had she not come into the garden ? why had she asked this ? why had she not asked that ? "
And again he fell into grievous doubts and again suffered bitterly, and came to the conclusion that Nadinka had really never loved him at all.
"My God! my God!" he said is despair, <c how hard, how sad is life I Grant me the peace of death, the sleep ot the soul/'
In a quarter of an hour he came into the room, downcast and apprehensive.
" Good-bye, Nadyezhda Alexandrovna," he said timidly.