Speaking in this lofty strain, a word at a time, he at last reached the word marriage. Julia trembled, then burst into tears.
She gave him her hand with a feeling of unutterable tenderness and gratitude, and they both revived and both began talking at once. It was decided that Aiexandr should talk to his aunt and beg for her aid in this complicated matter.
They did not know what to do for joy. It was a glorious, lovely evening. They started off to a place out of town, a wood, and succeeding after much pains in finding a little hillock, where they sat the whole evening looking at the setting sun, and fancying their future way of life, they made plans to limit themselves to a narrow circle of acquaintances and not to waste their time in useless visiting.
They then returned home and began to discuss the future arrangement of their house, the distribution of their rooms, and so on. They got as far as furnishing them. Aiexandr proposed to turn her dressing-room into his study so that it might be near their bedroom.
" What kind of furniture would you like in the study ? " she said.
" I should like walnut-wood with blue velvet draperies." "That would be pretty and would not get dirty; one must be sure to choose dark colours for a man's study; light colours are so soon spoiled by smoking. But here, in the little passage which leads from your future study to the bedroom, I will arrange a conservatory—won't it be lovely ?
There I shall place one easy-chair, so that I could sit there to read or work and see you in the study."
"I shall not have to part from you much longer/' said Alexandr at parting.
She put her hand over his mouth.
The next day Alexandr set off to see Lizaveta Alex-androvna, to disclose to her what she had long been aware of, and to beg her advice and assistance; begging her, till the matter was concluded, not to say a word about it to Piotr Ivanitch.
The summer was quickly over, and the dull autumn too dragged slowly to an end. Another winter had began. Adouev's visits to Julia were still as frequent.
It seemed as though she kept a strict account of the days, hours, and minutes which could possibly be spent together. She let no opportunity pass.
"Shall you start early for the office to-morrow?" she would ask sometimes.
"At eleven."
" Then come to me at ten; we will have breakfast together. But could not you stay away altogether. As though they could not do without you !"
"What? duty to one's country," Alexandr would begin.
" A fine idea! Vou must say that you love and are beloved./ Can it be that your chief has never loved ? If he has a heart, he will understand or bring your work here; who hinders you from working here ? "
Another time she would not let him go to the theatre, and as for seeing friends, she almost always absolutely prevented it. When Lizaveta Alexandrovna came to call on her, for long after Julia could not get over the discovery that Alexandras aunt was so young and handsome. She had imagined her as an aunt after her own fancy, elderly and plain, like the majority of aunts, and here, if you please, was, a woman of six or seven and twenty and a beauty ! She had a scene with Alexandr, and from that time permitted him very rarely to go to his uncle's !
But what was her jealousy and tyranny compared with Alexandr's tyrannising ! He was by now convinced of her attachment and saw that her nature did not admit of change or diminution of feeling and still .... was jealous; and what a
jealousy! It was not the jealousy that comes of too much love—the jealousy of tears and sighs and complaint springing from the pangs of a heart that dreads to lose its happiness—no, it was a hard, cold, cruel jealousy. He tyrannised over the poor woman from love more than others would have done through hate. He would fancy, for instance, some evening, in the presence of guests, that she did not look long and tenderly or often enough at him, and then, if there were any young man near Julia, or even not a young man, simply a man, or a woman, sometimes even a thing, then woe betide her! Insult, bitterness, the blackest scorn and reproach were showered upon her. Then she was forced to exculpate herself and to make atonement by various sacrifices and unqualified submission; she had to give up speaking with this person, give up staying in one place, give up going to another, to put up with the significant smiles and whispers of the slily observant, to blush, to grow pale, to be compromised.
If she received an invitation to go anywhere, before replying she would turn a questioning look on him, and he need only frown for her to decline instantly, pale and trembling. Sometimes he would give her permission—she would prepare, be dressed and ready to get into the carriage —when suddenly, from some caprice of the moment, he would pronounce a threatening veto ! and she would take off her things and countermand the carriage. Afterwards he would, very likely, begin to beg her forgiveness, and offer to go, but too late to dress and order the carriage again. So it had to be given up. He was jealous not only of handsome or intelligent or talented people, but even of the most unattractive, and at last simply of those whose faces he did not like.
But Julia put up with it all. She cut herself off from friends, never went out anywhere, and sat alone with Alex-andr. They went on—now of set design—living upon their bliss. Having come to the end of all the natural ordinary delights, she began to devise fresh ones, to diversify that world which is rich enough in pleasures without such aid. What an inventive faculty Julia displayed! But even that power was exhausted. Repetitions were reached. There was nothing left to desire or to experience.
They had learnt each other's feelings, ways of think-
m & powers and limitations, and nothing now hindered them from carrying out the plan they had formed.
Sincere outpourings grew less frequent. They sometimes sat for hours together without saying a word. But Julia was happy even in silence. At times she would address Alexandr with a question and receive a " yes " or " no " and be content; if she did not receive even this, she would fasten her eyes upon him; he would smile, and she would be happy again. If he did not smile nor make any reply, she would begin to watch every movement, every look, and interpret it in her own way, and then reproaches would follow.
They had ceased talking of the future because Alexandr was conscious on that subject of an embarrassment, a discomfort which he could not explain to himself and he tried to change the conversation. He began to ponder, to grow thoughtful. The magic circle in which his life was enclosed by love was broken through in places, and the faces of his friends appeared to him from afar, together with a whole sequence of stormy dissipation; at times brilliant balls with crowds of pretty girls, at other times his ever-occupied and busy uncle, his own neglected pursuits.
In such a mood he was sitting one evening at Julia's. There was a snowstorm outside. The snow drifted on the window and stuck in frozen lumps on the panes.
The wind rushed up the chimney and whistled mournfully. In the room the only sound was the monotonous ticking of the clock on the table and now and then a sigh from Julia.
Alexandr, from want of anything to do, cast a glance round the room, then looked at the clock—ten, and he would have to stay another two hours; he yawned. His eyes rested on Julia.
She stood leaning with her back to the fireplace; her white face bent over her shoulder, and followed Alexandr with her eyes, but not with an expression of doubt or interrogation, but one of tenderness, love and happiness. It was clear that she was struggling against a secret emotion, with some dream of sweetness, and she seemed worn out by it.
Her nerves wrought so powerfully upon her that even the thrill of tenderness itself reacted on her with the exhaustion of illness; torture and bliss were inseparable for her.