‘Well, who are you?’
‘Gallinule,’ he announced. ‘Actor par excellence.’
The penny dropped at last. The strolling players! So the rumour was true after all.
‘Gallinule?’ I said. ‘Are you famous then?’
‘We have a circle of admirers,’ he replied, ‘although we are better known by our professional name.’
‘Which is?’
‘We are the Player King, sir. We specialise in all the royal roles: good kings, bad kings, kings in exile, deposed kings, begetters of kings, murdered kings, warrior kings, pretenders, tyrants, despots and usurpers.’
‘Pleased to meet you,’ I said. ‘I’m Principal Composer to the Imperial Court.’
‘We know exactly who you are, sir,’ replied Gallinule.
‘Ah.’
‘Our troupe consists of eight players,’ he added, ‘and we are lodging at the Maypole if you’d care to drop by one evening.’
‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ I promised.
We said goodbye and he struck another pose which I took to be a sort of salute. He was still standing in the same position when I looked back a while later, but I soon forgot about him and made my way towards the great library. It was time for another of Smew’s talks. I had arranged to meet Whimbrel at the door, and I was pleased to see that he had kept the appointment. He’d even taken the trouble of bringing along his notepad. We went into the reading room and discovered that Garganey and Wryneck were also present; but there was no sign of Brambling, Dotterel or Sanderling.
‘Never mind,’ said Smew. ‘I’m grateful to those who are here.’
All the chairs were laid out in readiness for the talk and now it was simply a matter of deciding where to sit. I made sure Whimbrel was next to me so that he couldn’t misbehave. Wryneck joined us in the same row, while Garganey chose a seat slightly apart from the rest. Meanwhile, Smew took up position behind his lectern.
‘When,’ he began, ‘did marmalade change from orange to quince?’
It was an unusual question and I have to confess I did not know the answer. Fortunately, this was merely Smew’s way of introducing his talk. He went on to remind us of how the Empire of Greater Fallowfields had become a model of good governance; how we had established spheres of influence; and how the associated realms and dominions had striven to emulate our ways.
‘They quickly realised,’ said Smew, ‘that to be properly part of the empire they needed to become like us. This in turn required us to set an example, which we duly did by producing the Fallowfieldsman. He was the epitome of all we stood for. Wherever he travelled in the world, the Fallowfieldsman could always be told by his accent, his manners and his temperament. He frowned on uncouth practices but was never outspoken. When he went abroad he took with him the imperial flag, and this came to be widely recognised as a symbol of his natural authority over others; moreover, it was the only flag that could be flown upside down without anybody noticing. Such a remarkable fact was a source of great national pride, as was his steadfast determination never to learn a foreign language. This was considered quite unnecessary because any foreigner worth his salt would learn to speak like the Fallowfieldsman.’
The door opened and Gallinule came into the reading room. He glanced briefly at the little group assembled around Smew, nodded politely in our direction, then proceeded to wander along the rows of bookshelves examining odd titles here and there. He did all this in perfect silence before finally disappearing behind the furthest shelf. He failed to re-emerge.
Meanwhile, Smew continued his talk.
‘For many years we carried on in the same way,’ he said, ‘and the associated realms and dominions became more and more obsequious. Accordingly, we tended to regard them as mere vassal states. We sailed to the south, exchanged a few worthless trinkets, and returned home with all their oranges. We sailed to the north and helped ourselves to the best of their fish. In other words, we took full advantage of our sea-going skills. By this time we literally ruled the waves. We even claimed the prime meridian of longitude for ourselves, building an observatory especially to mark the spot, as Whimbrel here will no doubt verify.’
Smew paused and gave Whimbrel a quizzical look. This was met by an expression of utter bafflement from Whimbrel.
‘Well, Whimbrel?’ said Smew.
‘Oh, yes, yes, of course,’ Whimbrel eventually managed. ‘The prime meridian of longitude. Yes.’
Smew gave him a penetrating stare before resuming his talk once again.
‘It was at this stage,’ he said, ‘that some of our sailors began to venture due west, across the wider ocean. They said they were going to seek their fortunes, but they never came back. More sailors followed and they also failed to return. This was taken as evidence that there was nothing in the west except the prospect of shipwreck. Such a conclusion should have spelt an end to further exploits. It certainly reinforced our belief that we were at the centre of civilisation and that everywhere else verged on wilderness. At the same time, however, we knew we were the only people capable of sailing into the west. The implied challenge was unavoidable. Therefore, we continued sending out more and more of these so-called adventurers, even though they were never seen again. The consequences of such a policy were slow to reveal themselves, but gradually the empire became depleted both of ships and of the mariners to sail them. Which returns us to my original question: when did marmalade change from orange to quince?’
Smew ceased talking and surveyed his audience, as if waiting for an answer.
‘When there were no ships left at all?’ I offered.
‘Correct,’ said Smew, with a note of triumph, ‘when there were no ships left at all.’
He took a small bow and to my surprise a round of applause broke out behind me. Glancing around I discovered that sometime during the talk Gallinule had slipped into the back row of seats. I must have been so engrossed with Smew’s exposition that I failed to notice.
‘Very, very interesting,’ said Gallinule. ‘Thank you.’
He quickly went forward and introduced himself to Smew. The pair of them seemed to hit it off at once, and not long afterwards Gallinule was being invited to tea in the large bay window. The invitation also included Wryneck, but not Garganey, Whimbrel or me. We watched as Shrike was summoned and dispatched again with an order for lemon curd and toasted soldiers.
‘Damned rude,’ muttered Garganey, before heading swiftly towards the door.
Then Whimbrel turned to me and asked, ‘What did all that have to do with quince?’
I explained that there were no ships remaining to go and collect the oranges; and that instead we’d learned to make marmalade from quince, which was home-grown.
‘Ah,’ said Whimbrel, ‘I see.’
He was still holding his notepad in his hand, and when I looked at it I saw that he had written only one word: LONGITUDE?
Chapter 10
Of course, the life of an officer-of-state wasn’t all work and no play. One bright afternoon Sanderling and I walked across to the far side of the park. We’d heard there was a boating lake, and sure enough when we arrived at the water’s edge we saw a short jetty with a dozen vessels tied alongside. They were attractive little rowing boats, each with their oars shipped, and all painted different colours. At the end of the jetty was a green hut in which a man was sitting. When he saw us he walked over and joined us on the shore.
‘Afternoon, sir,’ he said to each of us in turn.
‘Afternoon,’ we both replied.
‘What can I do for you gentlemen?’
‘We thought we might like to hire a boat,’ said Sanderling.
‘Oh, yes?’
‘It looks a bit quiet at the moment.’