Bandaging the parts has been practised with success. Tying the hands is also successful in some cases; but this will not always succeed, for they will often contrive to continue the habit in other ways, as by working the limbs, or lying upon the abdomen. Covering the organs with a cage has been practised with entire success.{23}
But the method Kellogg felt most successful in stopping the ‘knuckle shuffle’ (2001) was circumcision – without anaesthetic.
A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed without administering an anaesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed.{24}
If women were habitual masturbators, Kellogg recommended burning out the clitoris with carbolic acid as an ‘excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement, and preventing the recurrence of the practice’.{25} It is in no small part thanks to anti-masturbation crusaders, such as Kellogg, that circumcision is still so widespread in America today. Although circumcision rates are declining, almost 80 per cent of American babies are circumcised today. It’s important to remember that doctors like Kellogg truly believed they were helping people, and that orgasms were debilitating.
The 1911 Boy Scout Handbook by Robert Baden-Powell (1857–1941) devoted an entire chapter to instructing young boys in ‘storing up natural forces’ in order to conserve ‘power and manliness’.
In the body of every boy, who has reached his teens, the Creator of the universe has sown a very important fluid. This fluid is the most wonderful material in all the physical world. Some parts of it find their way into the blood, and through the blood give tone to the muscles, power to the brain, and strength to the nerves. This fluid is the sex fluid… Any habit which a boy has that causes this fluid to be discharged from the body tends to weaken his strength, to make him less able to resist disease, and often unfortunately fastens upon him habits which later in life he cannot break.{26}
Although the Boy Scouts were still being cautioned not to ‘box the Jesuit’ (1744) right up to the 1950s, the early sexologists were already dispelling masturbation myths. In 1908, Albert Moll identified four phases of orgasm, and defined orgasm as a ‘voluptuous acme’ that gave way to a ‘sudden cessation of the voluptuous sensation’ and detumescence.{27} Wilhelm Reich described orgasms as a ‘bioelectric discharge’ and the work of Kinsey revealed that masturbation was an almost universal human experience.{28} It was the work of Masters and Johnson in 1966 that finally revealed exactly what happens to the male body before, during and after orgasm, and identified the ‘refractory period’.{29} And while you may hesitate to bring up the subject of rubbing your nubbin over tea with the vicar, I like to believe we’re now in a place where ejaculation and masturbation are no longer subjects shrouded in mystery and shame.
But better than that, new science is emerging all the time to show how important orgasm is within human relationships. In 2004, Bartels and Zeki demonstrated that the areas of the brain activated during orgasm are also activated when looking at pictures of the person’s lover.{30} The work of Komisaruk and Whipple (2008), Kurtz (1975) and Yang et al. (2007) all show that the brain activity during orgasm in humans and animals is linked to memory consolidation, meaning orgasms bond partners together.{31} The work of Genaro (2016) builds on this and demonstrates that orgasm is key to pair-bonding partners, even in developing an attraction to certain ‘types’.{32} In 2007, Stuart Brody studied the vaginal orgasms of some 1,256 women and concluded regular orgasms led to ‘greater satisfaction’ with sex life, mental health and general well-being.{33} In 2011, Cindolo et al. showed that not ejaculating regularly led to a notable decline in the micturition reflex (the ability to pass urine from the body). One study found that 32 per cent of 1,866 US women who reported masturbating in the previous three months did so to help them go to sleep. The same study also found that orgasm can increase levels of endorphins and corticosteroids that raise pain thresholds, easing discomforts associated with arthritis, menstrual cramps, migraine and other conditions.{34} In 2001, research showed that orgasm relieved the pain of migraines or cluster headaches for up to a third of patients.{35} And I have only just scratched the surface of research into why an orgasm is good for you.
So please, ‘walk your ferret’ (1785), ‘flub your dub’ (1966) and ‘pull your pud’ (1986); as long as no one else on the bus minds, orgasm to your heart’s content. It’s medically recommended. And every time you do, think of your orgasm as a tribute to all those before you who have paid an incredibly high cost for enjoying what Quentin Crisp called the ultimate ‘expression of self-regard’.{36}
Gland Larceny
Testicular Transplants in the Twentieth Century
The link between ejaculating too often and a physical decline in health was an established medical fact until the twentieth century. So, what was a chap to do if his sexual potency had been drained and his manhood was in need of a reboot? An obvious remedy for depleting semen levels was to restock the reserves. The early twentieth century saw a medical craze for surgically rejuvenating ageing men by operating on their genitals to increase the amount of semen and/or sex hormones in the body. Depending on which physician you opted to visit, this could mean being subjected to a bilateral vasectomy, or having a monkey testicle grafted into your scrotum. These were the early days of endocrinology and hormone replacement therapy, and the doctors pushing these procedures touted them as a fountain of youth, albeit a fountain full of semen. But before you head off to look up ‘monkey balls’ on eBay, you should know that these procedures were discredited by the 1930s, when they were found to cause more harm than good (for both humans and monkeys alike).
In the 1880s, French physiologist Charles-Édouard Brown-Séquard (1817–1894) started injecting himself with testicular extracts from guinea pigs and dogs.{1} He called his concoction the ‘elixir of life’, and believed it would replenish his own ‘seminal losses’. ‘I put forward the idea that if it were possible without danger to inject semen into the blood of old men, we should probably obtain manifestations of increased activity as regards the mental and the various physical powers.’ He continued: