"Hey, God, come on-let's be reasonable here." I staggered on, dragging Duke with me, spraying the air ahead with chill, and trying to hang onto my footing. I didn't know which way I was going. "Hey, God, give me a sign. Something. Anything. Please. Save me. Save Duke. At least save Duke. I've already got Shorty's death on my conscience. Isn't that enough? Let me save Dukethen you can have me if you want me. I'm scared of dying, God-" I gulped on that one "-and I'm sorry, I've been an asshole. Please-God, I thought you had bigger plans for me. This isn't the way it's supposed to work out, is it?" My throat was getting dry. My voice cracked. I didn't know why I was saying all this. It was just something to say while I pushed on.
And then, something happened. Inside me.
Something shifted.
I realized what I was doing. I remembered something Duke had said to me. "You oughta try it sometime."
I gulped again.
This was stupid. But
I could feel myself really caring. Really wanting to make contact. If it were possible.
"Um-I don't know how to do this, I really don't. I guess I should just talk, shouldn't I? So, um-let me start at the beginning. I'm really doing this for Duke. I've been selfish and-oh, hell, I know you can't save Duke without saving me too, but-"
My feet moved. My mouth worked. I pushed forward. And I prayed.
"God-I don't even know if I believe in you. I don't know that you exist. I never thought about it. So-I guess I'm just another goddam hypocrite only believing in you now when there's no other hope-I'm going crazy here, God-it's just not fair. I'd always thought someday I'd have the chance to find out what it all meant. Are you listening, God?" I stumbled then and fell forward into the pink and somehow the belt to Duke's harness came off my arm. I felt it slip off.
It was gone.
I lay there in the powder, paralyzed.
Duke was only inches from me. If I moved, I could lose him. I had to be careful. Very careful.
I raised myself up to my knees. I reached backward, back and back-I fumbled in the dust. Please, God-let me find Duke. Nothing else-let me find Duke.
I ignored the sound in my ears. I had to find Duke. Carefully, I turned myself around, praying that I wouldn't slip sideways down another slope, or turn myself the wrong way. I felt around. I sprawled flat and felt ahead-my hand touched something-I grabbed it
It was Duke's arm. Oh, thank you, God!
I felt around for his face. I found it. I was blind. The world was pink. I didn't care if I never saw again. Just let him be alive! I brought my face close to Duke's and listened. Tried to listen. Couldn't. There was too much noise. But his mask was making rasping sounds! He was still breathing! Oh, sweet heaven-thank you, God! Now, please-let me get him to the chopper!
The sound in my ears was getting louder. Annoying. Insistent. What the hell was that anyway? It sounded like a siren.
I stopped to catch my breath. And listened.
The sound was muffled by the dust. It was close by, yet sounded very far away. Some kind of whooping.
It was a siren! It came out of the pinkness as a steady series of short sharp rising yelps.
The chopper? It had to be!
What was it doing way over there to my left? I'd been heading wrong! I didn't care. Thank you, God! We could make it!
I tied Duke's belt around my wrist again. I stumbled back to my feet. I faced the siren. I pushed. I dragged Duke behind me. I focused only on the sound.
It was whooping like a demon. Like someone beating a bassett hound. The strokes were sharp and steady. A yelping purple sound. It was the only thing in the world that wasn't pink. And I pushed toward it.
I sprayed the liquid nitrogen ahead. I crunched through dust. I pushed through crackling spiderweb fluffiness. Everything was pink. But I could hear the siren and I knew that we were saved! Thank you, God. Thanks!
There is a job here for me, isn't there!
SEVENTEEN
I FOUND the chopper by stumbling into it.
I don't know how I found the door. I just started feeling along the side of the ship, pounding and shouting as I went. The chopper was so deep in the powder that I was pounding on the roof of it. "Lizard! Open the goddam door!"
And then suddenly the door popped open in front of me and I fell in. I couldn't see it, I just fell in. I poured in, dragging Duke with me. The dust poured in on top of us. Somebody was pulling me forward. "Oh, my God-"
"Save Duke!" I was screaming. "Don't worry about me! I'm all right! See to Duke!"
"Wait! I've got to close the door!" Lizard was screaming back at me. "The dust is pouring in-" She coughed and disappeared. I lay there on the chopper floor, listening to my heartbeat, listening to the insistent whooping of the siren, listening to my own sobs of relief. I couldn't move. I had to move. There was still something to do. I pulled myself to my knees. I heard the sound of the door hissing shut. There was something wrong with the sound. I still couldn't see. But at least it wasn't pink any more. It was dark and blurry. I wiped at my goggles
"Keep your O-mask on!" Lizard was in front of me again.
"McCarthy, can you hear me? Do you understand? Keep your 0-mask on!"
I managed to nod and gasp, "Water-"
She put a bulb of something into my hand and was gone. I sucked at the moisture greedily. It was sweet. Everything was sweet. Suddenly I could smell the powder again. Fresh baked croissants. Bubble gum. Marshmallows. Something buttery. Sweet potatoes. Angel food cake. And cotton candy. Always cotton candy.
"McCarthy-!" It was Lizard again. "We've got a problem with the door! I can't close it! The dust is in the way! The door is jammed."
"Shit!" I scrambled around, felt past Duke-I can't see a thing. Where's my freezer!"
"It's here-" She pushed something long and cold into my hands.
"Point me at the door and get out of the way. Get Duke out of the way too!"
I felt her hands on my shoulders, turning me, aiming me"Wait a minute!" she said. I heard the sound of something heavy being pulled across the deck. "All right-"
I fired. The spray was too loud. The chill was terrible and bitter. Something crackled. This was not the smartest thing in the world. I could feel the clouds of cold steam billowing around me. The liquid nitrogen always reacted strongly to normal air temperatures.
Lizard pushed past me, moving to the front of the ship. I heard the sound of the door hissing again-this time, I could hear the powder crackling out of its way, even exploding as it came into contact with the warmer metal of the door.
And then the door was shut.
A moment later, Lizard shut the siren off. And everything was black and silent.
"Is there any light?" I yelled. "I still can't see!"
"Just stay there-wait a minute!" I heard her doing something at the front of the ship. She came back almost immediately. I saw a bright glow in front of my eyes. "Can you see anything?"
"A blur. It's bright. It's moving."
"It's a flashlight." She wiped at my goggles. "Keep your mask on. I'm just blowing some of the dust away. Can you see anything now?"
"It's brighter......"
"Just relax. There's a lot of smoke in here. I can't turn on the ventilators. They'll just jam. Give it a minute, I think your freezer is causing the stuff to settle."
"I think my sight is coming back," I said. "This is the eeriest experience."
"Yeah, a lot of fun-" And then she let out an involuntary yelp. "My God! What happened to Duke!"
I tried to focus. I could just barely make him out.
Duke was a mummy. Duke was a pink-crusted body. Duke was a cocoon. Duke was burned all over and frosted with pink powdered sugar. Duke was lying on the floor and gasping for breath.