We both looked at him, then scrambled to see if he was all right.
"Duke?" I put my face close.
He moaned again. "It hurts-"
"That's good, Duke. That's a good sign."
The medi-console beeped and flashed: PATIENT NEEDS SEDATION.
I found a red ampule and plugged it into the pressure feeder. After a moment Duke's breathing eased. "He's out of shock," I said. I didn't know if that was true, or just what I wanted to believe. I tried to convince myself. "The medi-kit wouldn't ask for sedation if he was still in shock. Would it?"
"I don't know," shrugged Lizard. "Let me put that console online to Oakland and see what they have to suggest." She climbed down toward the nose of the ship.
I sat with Duke a while longer, wishing there was something else I could do for him. I wondered if he was going to live. And if he did-what kind of shape would he be in?
I had to stop that train of thought real quick. That would be another good way to drive myself crazy. "Duke," I whispered to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. I love you, Duke. I never told you before, but I really do. I depend on you. Please, stay with me-"
I knew he couldn't answer. Probably, he couldn't hear me either. It didn't matter. I just knew I had to say it.
After a while, I got up and went down to the nose of the ship to join Lizard. She was curled up in her seat, resting her chin on her fist, and studying a weather display. She looked grim. I sat down next to her in silence. The pink dust had risen almost to the top of the windshield. It was getting very dark in here.
"Did you raise Oakland?"
"Uh huh. They're monitoring. They'll let us know."
I pointed at the windshield. "It's still coming down, isn't it?"
"Uh huh. It'll be coming down all night." She pointed at the screen in front of her. "The main body of the cloud still has to pass over us. We're going to be buried in this stuff--and I have no idea how deep it's going to get."
EIGHTEEN
A SUDDEN thought came to me. "Will we have enough air?"
Lizard hesitated. "Yeah-we've got some oxygen tanks with the medical supplies. We can crack those. Theoretically, we should be able to hold out for a day and a half I wouldn't want to have to depend on it though."
She pulled off her headset and tossed it onto the control panel in front of her. "Shit," she said.
"What now?"
"Oh, nothing. I had plans for tonight. Being buried alive wasn't part of them."
"Oh," I said. I couldn't imagine Colonel Lizard Tirelli on a date. "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for? It's not your fault."
"Um, I was just expressing my regret."
"Yeah, well thanks for the thought then. I was thinking about steak and lobster all day."
"Lobster?"
"Uh huh. The Arizona farms are producing again. You should see some of the monsters they're turning out. This big-" She held her hands a meter apart. She added thoughtfully, "Arizona is an easy state to keep clean. There's not a lot of forage or ground cover for the worms. That's one place we should be able to hold the line against them for a long time."
"Is that part of the long-range planning?"
"Not yet. It will be though."
"Are you going to be on the Committee?"
"I've been asked. It's a question of... priorities." She shrugged. "What good is long-range planning if you don't take care of the present?"
"On the other hand," I said, "what you do in the present should be a function of your long-range goals, shouldn't it?"
She looked at me sharply. "Have you been talking to Dr. Fromkin?"
"Uh-no. Why?"
"That sounds like something he might say. That's a compliment by the way. But you're right. I have to go where I'm most effective." She smiled gently. "Which means I probably will join the Committee. I'm just afraid I won't get to fly as much. And I don't want to give up flying."
"I'd think being on the Committee would let you fly even more-you know, on-the-scene observations."
"It's a good idea," she acknowledged. "But I don't know that it would work out that way." She peered at the window then. "Hand me that flashlight-"
I passed it over, and she pointed the beam at the upper edge of the windshield in front of her. It was completely pink. "Yep. I thought so. The nose is completely covered. It must be coming down faster than ever."
She levered herself out of her seat and started working her way to the back. I followed behind. She dug around in a side panel and produced another flashlight and an emergency lamp. The lamp she hung from a hook in the ceiling. "There-that's better." She handed me the second flashlight.
She climbed past Duke and pointed her beam around the tail of the chopper. I didn't know what she was looking for. She stuck her head up into the rear bubble and pointed the flashlight around inside. "Uh huh. We are now completely buried. I sure hope this crap isn't an insulator. We could get awfully hot in here-"
"I thought that Banshees were tiled."
"They are-but if we're buried, there's no place for the heat to go." She climbed toward the back. "You hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Get the emergency rations out."
I checked on Duke-no change-and then pulled out the ration box. We reconvened at the front of the chopper. We swiveled the seats around to face the rear. Better to have the fifteen-degree noseward tilt holding you in instead of tipping you out. I leaned back and put my feet up on the deck. The ration bars were chewy and required a little concentration.
Abruptly, she asked, "Have you ever been invited to a Blue Mass?"
I shook my head. "Is that an invitation?" I asked.
She gave me a sour look. "I was just wondering if you knew anything about them."
"Sorry," I said. "I've heard that the members are pretty aggressive in their recruitment."
She nodded. "I was invited last week. They have them every weekend now. Hundreds of people attend, and pay a thousand caseys each for the privilege." Lizard's tone went softer then. She said, "I was just wondering-I've heard stories. But not from anybody who's been to one. Apparently there's some kind of confidentiality agreement. But I hear that... there's a lot of release. A lot of abandonment. I'm not sure what that means. There's supposed to be a lot of sex too."
She left that thought hanging between us for a beat, then commented, "I don't know that screwing yourself into insensibility is the best way to handle the madness, but obviously it works for some people. So ... sometimes I wonder if it would work for me. I can't help but wonder if maybe all those people have really found something."
Her voice grew very soft then. I had to strain to hear what she said next.
"Sometimes I get tempted. What if it really does work? Wouldn't I be a jerk not to go? It would be nice to forget-even for a little while. That's why I would go. To forget."
I was embarrassed. I wanted to say something, but I knew that whatever I said would automatically be the wrong thing to say. "Except-" Lizard continued, "I know that it's a trap. It's like drugs. Another escape. Once you start trying to escape, it isn't long before you're running. I've seen it happen to too many people already. I don't want it to happen to me." Abruptly, she fell silent.
I glanced over at her. She was staring at her ration bar moodily. I looked at mine. "It sure isn't lobster, is it?"
"That's right-rub it in." She sounded bitter.
"I'm sorry-" I made up my mind then, I had to ask. "Colonel-?"
She didn't look up.
"Uh-sometimes I get the same kind of feelings. And-uh, I figure that I'm probably not the only one. So I figure that the brass must know about it. I mean ... there must be some-uh, outlet. Or something. Isn't there?"