Larson shrugged. "We don't know yet. This is what I wanted you to see. We put three of 'em into a cage with a mamma rabbit and her litter. Mamma rabbit rejected her own babies to nurse the meeps instead."
"You're kidding!"
"Nope. The same behavior has been repeated with a dozen other rabbits. If the babies are small enough, the meeps will eat them, but they prefer to nurse on Mamma."
"Yick. I wish you hadn't told me that."
"Oh, you haven't heard the worst of it. The meeps will nurse a mamma rabbit to death." He added somberly, "And she doesn't appear to object, either. She dies happy."
We passed out of the specimen section into a storage area; we walked past bags and bags of various animal feeds. The air was fresher here.
"Listen," I stopped him. "I want to apologize for shooting down your plan. I guess I came on a little strong-"
"You want to hear my theory about the bunnydogs?" Larson asked. He looked me straight in the eye. "I think they're like the meeps-only for humans. The bunnydogs are so cute, they're irresistible. The first time people see those videos, they all go, `Awwwww.' Especially women. They all want to pick the bunnies up and cuddle them. I'll bet a woman would put her own baby down to cuddle a bunnydog. I'll bet tomorrow you'll find out just how friendly the bunnydogs really are-"
"Thanks. I think I can find the rest of the way myself," I interrupted him deliberately.
"It's just down there." Larson pointed. "Past those steel doors. Follow the red stripe to the security section."
"Security?"
"It's an isolation block. It sits on springs. It's earthquake-proof and self-contained. That's where we control the whole operation. All our files are stored there. It can be locked down tighter than the Iron Mountain. It's got an independent air supply, power supply, and a six-month supply of food. It's safe against the entire electromagnetic spectrum, including lasers, masers, xasers, all kinds of radiation, magnetism, and television reruns. It's blanketed by scrambler fields. Nothing goes in or out without permission. Oh-and you'll have to decontaminate too."
I looked at Larson. "Isn't all this a little extreme for just a counseling session?"
He shrugged. "It's the best place in the world for privacy." He turned and headed back the way we'd come.
I followed Larson's directions: through the steel doors, past a security scan, detoxification, through a security tube-through a triple airlock-then through another security tube and a final scanning station.
The robot at the desk directed me down a hall to a corridor of personal apartments. Room fourteen, please.
I knocked on the door politely.
A woman's voice: "Door's open. Come on in."
I pushed it open. The first thing that struck me was the smell of lilac perfume.
And then, Colonel Lizard Tirelli came out of the kitchen wearing an apron and an embarrassed smile. "Come on in, Jim."
FIFTY-TWO
"I GUESS I owe you an explanation-and an apology," she began. "I should think so." I was still standing in the doorway. "Come in, Jim, and close the door behind you." When I didn't move, she stepped past me and pushed the door shut herself, then she took me by the hand and led me into the room. "Lieutenants," she muttered. She pointed at the couch. "Sit down and listen."
I sat. She pulled up a chair and sat down opposite me. "Do you want something to drink?" she asked.
I shook my head. The apartment was furnished very comfortably. There was nothing at all to indicate that it was eighty feet underground.
Lizard began softly. "I treated you abominably, I know. Believe me, I feel terrible about it-but there's a very good reason why it had to be this way."
"A good reason? Yeah?" I waited.
"The problem is.. ." she continued, "I can't tell you what that reason is. All I can do is ask you to forgive me." She searched my face expectantly. "Jim?"
This did not make sense.
I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm confused." I rubbed my forehead, my face. I looked back at her. I couldn't think of any words to say. "I-just- You're crazy! You know that?"
She sighed and nodded her agreement. "Very probably, I am. But this is the only way I could make it work."
"Make what work?"
She looked unhappy. "My promise-to you."
"Your promise-?" I crossed to her and pulled her to her feet. I held her arms and demanded, "Just what the hell is going on?" She went rigid in my grasp, but her expression wasn't angry-it was frightened. Of me?
Abruptly, she burst out in frustration: "I'm being monitored! You're being monitored! By the military! This is the only place where we're guaranteed any privacy. I think." I let go of her in surprise. I could still smell her perfume. Lilac.
"Monitored-? Why?"
She shrugged helplessly. "Why not?"
I stared at her. My mind was whirling. "So that little performance upstairs-that wasn't for me? Was it?"
"I am so sorry about that. . ." she said.
"You did that to me without-?" I could feel the fury rising into my face. "I don't understand. I've been monitored before. Everybody on the goddamn base knew about the time Ted got me drunk. They're already gossiping about you and me. So what does it matter if somebody sees us or looks at a tape or something-?"
"You don't know. It matters to me!" she said.
"Why didn't you tell me-?"
"I couldn't!"
"Why? What am I-some kind of a cretin, or a thing-that you'll only be my friend if you can keep it a secret from me?"
"Y'know, it isn't easy being your friend!" she snapped back. "Sometimes you are a jerk."
"And you're a stuck-up, fat-assed, iron-clad, dragon-faced, redheaded gorgon who can't even keep a plastic eggbeater in the sky! But you're the one who wants to go to bed with me!"
"My ass is not fat! And I thought it was mutual-"
"It was!" I shouted back.
"Well then-" And suddenly, she was flustering close to tears. Lizard? "--Can't you just accept it? Jim, please?"
"And wake up tomorrow and find you've turned back into Medusa? Dammit! That hurt!"
"Jim-" She took my hands in hers. Her eyes were incredibly blue. "I am so terribly sorry and unhappy to have hurt you. You are an extraordinarily precious human being. Please believe me, if there had been any other way-but this was the only way I could manage it."
"I want to believe you," I said. "I really do. . . ." I kept on holding her hands in mine. They were very warm. "But I-I just don't know-"
"I wanted to be with you tonight," she said. "That was the whole purpose of this-"
"I want to be with you too!" I felt my throat tightening. "I just want to know that you care."
"I do care." Her voice was very soft. "Believe me. I really do." I couldn't deny it. She was telling the truth.
And I wanted her so badly
I leaned forward and touched my lips to hers. She tasted sweet. After several eternities, we broke apart and looked at each other. We were both relieved-and embarrassed.
"So you'll stay for dinner?" she asked.
"Well ... maybe. What are you making?"
"C rations and bottled water."
"You promised me a lobster."
"Listen, it was hard enough to reserve the apartment-"
"I'm sorry, it's lobster or nothing."
"Well... all right." She led me into the dining room.
The lobster on the table was large enough to have been a threat to dogs, cats and small children when it was alive. There was a bottle of wine chilling in the bucket.
"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"