My friend painfully searched for an appropriate mode of response. He took a daring tack.
'It flatters me, sir, that you find me so agreeable,' he offered. 'I am pleased that the most honorable of nobles should consider me worthy of their company, my lord. But what could lead you to think that this 'perfect creature', as you call me, does not find its admirer an even more engaging, even more magnificent entity? It is I, sir, who detect a superior perfection before me.'
I could detect a hint of not-unexpected quavering in his voice. Yet Caesar seemed faintly amused by his calculated diplomacy. I myself would have been absolutely transfixed with fear or awe if I found myself in such a challenging predicament. Caesar is not simply another man, another mere mortal, is he?
Antinous may be a strongly self-possessed fellow but he was not readily familiar with midnight chats under the moonlight with the emperor of the known world. Caesar's single raised finger can mean life, death, glory, or absolute ignominy. Antinous was testing this prospect precipitously.
'My boy, for all you know I could be a cruel tyrant who has his way with attractive people at will,' Caesar hinted menacingly. 'Many of my predecessors have done so, and even I myself have been known to enjoy an occasional opportunity in earlier times. I could simply enroll you into my traveling gynaeceum of both sexes for my more basic pleasures at my leisure,' the emperor brazenly proposed. 'Not that I actually possess such a seraglio, unlike several others in my retinue.'
'My lord, if this was Caesar's will,' Antinous declared with a conspiratorial smile, 'I am sure I would not be standing before you here in fearful anticipation. I would probably already be inducted for duty. Possibly flat on my belly, if that is the usual modus operandi of these things?'
'You seem to already be familiar with such activities, my boy? Should I do so, then?' Hadrian teased, suppressing half a smile at the wryness of his young subject in guiding the conversation in such risque directions. Listening from a distance, I was alarmed at my buddy's boldness.
'Would that be a proposition, my lord?' Antinous ventured further, cheekily matching the quip and upping the ante. 'If so, I must feign a respectful fear for my honor.'
Despite the flippancy of the response, I could detect a tremor in Antinous's voice which belied the jocularity. I doubted Hadrian had missed it either. Then Antinous took a less provocative tone.
'But in truth, sir, I am not at all familiar with those activities. I possess little personal experience of love or sex worth talking of, and certainly none at all of any real notoriety. My schooling commends me to the path of marriage, or alternatively to the style of Patrocles' legendary friendship with his devoted eromenos Achilles, at least as described by ancient Aeschylus. But my schooling also abhors the fierce abduction by Olympian Zeus of the Trojan prince Ganymede, who Romans call Catamitus. One is a willing engagement, sir, embedded in honor and mutuality, the latter is enforced,' Antinous added. 'It is mere rape. I am no compliant Ganymede or Catamitus I hope, my lord, and nor do I willingly invite rape.'
Surprised, Caesar smoothed the rising intensity of this exchange.
'Antinous, my friend, relax. Cool down. Take it easy. I am not going to impose anything upon you wouldn't wish yourself,' he reassured. 'I do not tyrannize my companions. So come over here,' he added, taking Antinous by the shoulders in a sociable way and guiding him to the nearest of the dining couches to take seat. The two had moved into a space of clear moonlight which made my observation all the more easier.
Even though Hadrian sat on the lip of the couch, Antinous stood stiffly at military attention in the formal hoplite pose of his training. He was facing Hadrian in deference to age, status, or arete and the ingrained habits of the military.
'You have spirit, lad. But it is not the wild spirit of the reckless, I detect. You are also tempered by humor and some charm. The humor has natural confidence and a quick wit. It is my will to get to know you, Antinous of Bithynia,' Caesar declared plainly.
'I need someone of spirit in my life again, my boy. I need a young man's vitality at my side for a refreshment of my vision. I need the optimism of the young to reinvigorate my veins, instilled in me through the energy of the companionship of a respectable ephebe of good character and personable appeal.
I desire such a person to be in my life again to restore to me values and virtues which differ substantially from our prosaic Roman ones, let alone the cynicism of politics or the venality of my Court.
Your Bithynian enthusiasms for your antique Hellene culture — several of my retinue claim it's an antiquated Hellene culture — and your uninhibited engagement with its pedagogical tradition inspires you towards values of great formative power,' he announced with obvious ardor.
Hadrian drew Antinous closer to him by the tip of a finger at his elbow, and even from my distance I could observe how Antinous trembled with apprehension.
'You are still young, Antinous, so I have a great deal to teach you, all to your personal advantage. Though I've been noting youngsters like you here at Bithynia and elsewhere, I will concede you have singularly captivated me. Truly, when you enter my sight, Antinous of Bithynia, I find delight enters my heart at the same time.
Despite your youth you possess a solemnly mature charisma, you display cool charm and sly Greek wiles, while you project the innate dynamism of youth. These bode well for you, my boy. Besides, you are spoken of with honor in your own community, and I am told of your descent from ancient Hellenes of good family and proven warrior stock.
You speak well in your native Greek, and I have been told your Latin shows promise if exposed to regular conversation. These are a sign of intelligence.
Your wrestling skill at the palaestra games indicated excellent coordination and a good strategic sense, with a fierce will to win despite your beefier opponent's weight. Your evasive defense throughout was a pleasure to observe.
In the foot races you sprint well with the manly gait of a true athlete. The races in armor prove your high stamina. Your horsemanship at our hunt today was exemplary, perhaps unique even, and you assess and take risks swiftly. I sense you will become adept at hunting all manner of game, large and small, which is a priority of my leisure time.
These things bode well for you to someday receive a commission with a cavalry unit of prestige. Or better. These are telling things about your quality, my boy,' Hadrian offered flatteringly. Antinous was stricken quite dumb by this shower of compliments.
'Yet you also exhibit a natural animal grace and motion, young man, with finely defined limbs and a well-modeled body. Your physical symmetries are indeed well balanced. Your oiled and dusted nakedness while wrestling at the palaestra displayed a most pleasing line, widely commented upon with favor by those around, I perceived.
I must be frank with you to say you have loins of proportions which will attract many an eye, young fellow, male or female. I believe this is the Bithynian way? Your compatriots admire the comeliness of youth's perfection and its bodily vigor, accompanied by the magnetism of youth's latent potential. Such perfections can incite a man to seek to couple with such extraordinary beauty. Their earthier impulses may erupt beyond decency.
So you must appreciate the homage of my carnal ambitions towards you. You should be flattered when I say your contours, your silhouette, your cut definition, and your sleek loins compellingly invite playfulness, my friend. Many would agree with me, I assure you. Some philosophers say this bodily perfection echoes an ultimate universe of ideal forms. And it is a perfection I deduce of both mind as well as body.'