Antinous visibly, and I less visibly in hiding, were disturbed by this well-meaning but indelicate shower of flatteries. I am sure they would have alarmed him.
To talk of being the emperor's 'friend' in the same phrases as references to his body and loins is to infringe the unspoken code of honor-and-shame ruling men's relationships. It proclaims a discourse of domination and penetration. To talk carelessly of horseplay is one thing, but to vocalize the prospect of being buggered is something else altogether!
In the years since that night at Nicomedia I have learned how at Rome they call this imposition a stuprum, an offence against a freeborn maiden or youth which insults civic honor and may invoke legal reprisal. A mature Roman's urge to penetrate an attractive younger person might be gender blind, as people say, but the license to do so extends only to targets without Roman citizen's rights, such as slaves or foreigners. Freeborn Romans are securely fenced off from behavior which impugns their status as future citizens. But a freeborn person of foreign origin is a permissible goal.
Nevertheless, in my later travels I was to witness how at Rome the edict about acts of stupra against the freeborn is honored far, far more in the breach than in the keeping."
Lysias paused momentarily to sip his wine. His observers waited patiently for him to return to his testimony.
It crossed Suetonius's mind how Greek philosophers since Aristotle, Zeno, Plato or even Epicurus argued that in an ideal city state citizens should restrain their itch to enjoy exuberant sexuality because it diverts from the proper goal of civic mindedness, which is baby-making. But these were not popular sentiments among most Greeks. In a land where too many mouths to feed can impoverish, baby-making becomes a restrained urge in one's sexual repertoire. Less procreative bodily pleasures are preferred.
Worryingly, the later works of ancient Plato propound how even 'total abstinence maketh the man' because young men who act otherwise 'risk becoming girlish cinaedi'. Such philosopher's calls to celibacy are not widely regarded sentiments, however, especially among the young who are driven in their sexuality.
These abstemious ways of the philosophers influence all manner of strange cults and new gods.
That notoriously obsessive Judaean advocate of his Savior God Chrestus, Paulus of Tarsus, was laughed out of both Ephesus and Athens in Nero's time when he foolishly encouraged celibacy among those cities' unabashed sexual athletes. The fellow's ascetical devotees possess rites and rules for every daily act. They sniff out fornication and abomination among us everywhere to condemn even the simplest pleasures.
Lysias continued with his testimony.
"Talk of penetration of an eromenos by his erastes is considered bad form. Yet what may occur between an erastes and eromenos in private or with others at drinking parties is entirely their own affair.
Both Antinous and I knew of many liaisons among our peers where screwing, fellatio, and other raunchy pleasures were the norm, with happy abandon. Lewd graffiti joyfully displayed on public walls about many couples makes that visible to see. Hot blood will simply have its bawdy way regardless of rules and conventions or the solemnities of ancient philosophers.
Yet to have heard the prospect of penetration voiced to his face by Hadrian would have disturbed Antinous. Nevertheless the emperor's proposition moved onwards.
'Antinous,' Hadrian continued, 'in Rome at your age you would already have been accorded the toga virilis, the dress code saying this lad is no longer a child but is now fecund, produces seed, and can attain peak arousal. He is a vir of marriageable age for the breeding of legal sons. Mind you, an actual marriage contract might still be ten years off.
Rome encourages breeding among its citizens. A Roman wife is expected to deliver many sons to stock the Legions. So everything always leads to marriage.
Yet even though you have entered the mature age-class of a meirakion — the age where I had already served several year's military service under my uncle Trajan — you are still part-formed as a man. Your physique proclaims the approach of man's fullest estate, you can produce fertile seed to make strong sons, yet your experience lacks substance and skill.
So, Antinous, a special part of me yearns to be a teacher of life to you, as demanded of your tradition. To my eye you display the promise of a worthy challenge, and I aspire to that role in your life as your erastes.'
Antinous stood motionless beneath the moonlight, utterly silenced by Caesar's monologue.
'You blush, I see? Hadrian continued. 'In truth, Antinous, you arouse the most admirable urges in a suitor which are at the same time intellectual, sociable, filial, and carnal. So I must speak plainly to you as your proposing erastes.'
Hadrian reached out to grasp my friend's hand as he softly spoke.
'Yes, Antinous, I wish to expand your horizons as your mentor in life, in battle, in the hunt, in philosophy, in the arts, in the sciences, in wealth-making, and in companionship. Just between us here, I desire to bring you the fullest enhancement of life as well as the fullest pleasure of sexual satisfaction. It would please me greatly to heighten your mind's achievement and to enhance your body's sensual enjoyment in the manner your custom sanctions.
This is — frankly — to live with you, to sport with you, to make you my close companion by day and my body's intimate by night,' Caesar concluded. 'Yes, that includes enjoying sex with you. So tell me honestly, Antinous, what is your immediate response to my submission? I wish your response to be entirely of your own free will, without penalty. I do not demand it of you as your ruler.'
Hadrian then paused at last to assess his effect on my friend.
Antinous was evidently startled by the audacity of Hadrian's proposal. I could see he was smitten with anxiety. Hadrian sensed this reserve and aimed to prompt him more encouragingly.
'I, Caesar, possess the desire and the means to favor this potential in a worthy fellow like yourself,' Hadrian entreated. 'I am an admirer of the Greek system of education of a younger man by a maturer one. I admire the way this system has produced great writers, great poets, architects, philosophers, political leaders, and commanders of armies over the ages,' he continued. 'However, for myself, I have not to this day focused my affections on a single chosen companion in this manner. You are the first to enter my life in this way, Antinous.'
Hadrian paused thoughtfully as the focus of his dissertation stood ramrod straight before him. Caesar renewed his presentation.
'There is, perhaps, a less obvious dimension to my proposal — but maybe the most important factor. I am ruler of the world yet I have no one to love, Antinous. I am ruler of the world yet no one is my lover. My station impedes the free flow of affection between me and others, except at the level of Imperial State allegiance. I am seen as a figurehead, not a human heart.
So I seek once again to have love in my life. I seek once again to be fond of a single particular person, not a multitude. Yet a multitude is my fate. My closest family has now passed away. Those of my blood I long loved are no more. You, Antinous, bring light into my heart, and though much of that light shines from your animal beauty, it is your nature, and vigor, and potential which attracts my favor.'
I could see my schoolchum was smitten with dismay by these confessions. I could also sense his interest had been fortified by their unexpected sincerity. Hadrian continued.
'As Princeps it is now politic for me to bind myself to a relationship in the accepted Greek way with one single young man. I am married to a dutiful wife, Vibia Sabina Augusta, though she has borne me no children. I take no paramours even though I am in a position to do whatever I wish. Perhaps in my wilder days I did so, just as my predecessor Trajan had.