Instead, to conform to lawful behavior as the Empire's pre-eminent citizen and its model of probity, it obliges me to be married to my single wife and now to retain a single young man as my consorts.'
Antinous was frozen in place and frozen in tongue. His ears were ringing, I am sure.
Hadrian continued.
'Because I have no sons, Antinous, I will eventually legally adopt a patrician of Rome whose credentials are patently eligible to succeed me on that day when I too journey to my ancestors. Imperial succession-by-adoption has proven to be a safeguard against the defects of bloodline succession. It is a more mindful decision about eligibility than the accidents of dynastic birthright. The Imperium has had several bad experiences with bloodline succession, and very few good ones.
But my successor will certainly not be you, Antinous of Bithynia, because in our Roman way it cannot be someone of Greek descent. You must realize I have no intention of adopting you as my heir. If I did so you would be dead within a month, I'd say,' Hadrian confirmed.
'Yet I wish to locate a fitting companion to share my private life and my private bed for the years until, in accordance with the custom, my consort's beard matures. I will then offer praises to Jupiter on that day when he trims his full beard sufficiently to sacrifice its cuttings, and so the consort relationship will cease. This is likely to be several years away for you, Antinous. In the meantime I have much to offer my chosen companion.'
Caesar rested his case for some moments.
'I sense someone of your background is himself on a quest for his erastes? He seeks a companion-of-quality who will induct him into adult life? This companion will encourage his acquisition of wealth and property. He will fight side-by-side in his friend's battles or blood feuds and support him in legal disputes. He will be Best Man at his wedding. He will be godfather and sworn protector to his friend's children. And he will avenge his friend if malevolence befalls him. Above all, he will possess a special affection for his friend.
And I, young man, as an aspiring erastes am seeking a suitable eromenos to allow me full rein to express the Hellene side of my own nature. You, Antinous, are my chosen contender for this role.'
Antinous remained stiffly upright in the pale moonlight, rigid with wonderment if not sheer visceral terror. I am sure he had no idea his nocturnal meeting would lead to such a daunting proposition. He was now standing almost knee-to-knee to Hadrian.
Caesar continued.
'I, Caesar, am Princeps, the First Citizen. I command the Empire's citizens. I shape the world's future. I make nations create themselves anew. I endow the Empire with tax money and public works to encourage it to become better than it has ever been. I have consolidated the borders with the barbarian races so the Pax Romana prevails to our benefit and our wealth grows unhindered by war or rebellion.
I bring Roman civilization to every corner of the Middle Sea and beyond. Rome brings law and order, we punish robbers and pirates, we guarantee the food supply despite famine, we build useful roads, aqueducts, public facilities, bath houses, sanitation, ensure clean water, provide games and festivals, protect safe travel and trade, and even secure justice for foreigners, debtors, widows, or slaves as well as Romans. I am the bringer of justice and the giver of justice.
To be engaged with me as Caesar is to be engaged with the mightiest of men in action of great honor. No Zeus with his Ganymede, no Apollo with his Hyacinth, no Patrocles with his Achilles, no Socrates with his Alcibiades, no Hephaestion with his Alexander, has ever been an erastes of the quality of your Caesar. I am the ultimate erastes to his chosen eromenos, Antinous. All this I offer you, and I offer you alone.
I could woo you with baubles and trinkets, fine clothes and perfumes, palaces, slaves, weapons, or a magnificent horse or two. They say everyone has their price. But I would think less of you if you conceded easily in this way. My informants tell me you would think less of me too.
No, I want your full-hearted commitment without coercion. I wish you of your own free will to accept my proposal, to invite me into your life as your erastes under the terms of the custom. I wish you to announce fearlessly to me: Yes Caesar, I am yours! Nothing less.
If the answer is No, for reasons of your own or your father's, then I will send you safely on your way with sufficient reward to thank you for your attentiveness. This, Antinous, is my submission.'
Hadrian shut-up at last and waited for a reply. I am sure Antinous and I were both convinced Caesar rarely patiently awaits a response from his subjects, yet here in the moonlit calm of a deserted garden amphitheater outside Nicomedia he did so. Eventually Antinous found the presence of mind with a sufficiently emotion-rasped voice to speak.
'Forgive me, sir,' I heard him say in a challenge which alarmed me, 'but I am certainly no prostitute. I am proudly born of a clan and a father who would disown me immediately, my lord, if it was believed I had sold my body for money or possessions or position. My honor among my peers would be permanently impugned. For the remainder of my days I'd be labeled as someone whose body, mind, and tongue are purchasable. I'd be denied society by my peers or a future role in our governing councils. This would be as death to me, my lord, and my father would be in his rights to kill me for it, as some do.
Yet your proposal has appeal, sir, I must confess. I am dismayed but truly flattered to be deemed so worthy. It leads me to ask: why me, sir? I am just a country boy, and there are finer lads in Bithynia with smoother talk or whiter skins who are equipped with a courtier's wit or are expert in the boudoir's special practices. I am not trained in the wiles of the Court, my lord, let alone the arts and speech of love or sex.'
I recall Antinous paused uneasily for a while to measure Caesar's response to his hesitancy. Hadrian replied in low tones I could barely hear.
'Antinous, I could offer you or your father a great deal of money or property, but yes, that would be prostitution. I'm fairly sure that such a transaction is probably outside the code of your caste, yes?
As you probably realize, Antinous, I can take my pick of the most excellent slaves of all types available at market, and then some. I can buy whatever fits my desires, or simply seize that which is un-buyable. I am Caesar, after all. Yet I am a law abiding Caesar.
Importuning a slave is beneath me, no matter how beautiful or desirable. It is an abuse inflicted by mediocrities. As Plutarch has recently written, a wise ruler does not solicit people who ultimately have no choice in the matter. My rule as Caesar has seen the codification of the legal rights of slaves for their safety and justice, so I must be consistent in these things.
My goal instead is to engage with a freeborn companion; a willing freeborn companion; a friend of good family, of a suitable class, of intelligence, of an appropriate education and potential, and of great natural beauty, yet who is not Roman. It is my duty as the protector of the law and an exponent of the law.
I have been searching for this person for more than two years, but I've found only one or two who are even barely equipped for the role.
For example, you have seen Glaucon of Syria? He was the sweet-voiced singer of ancient love songs at the symposium tonight. He is the son of a leading Syri aristocrat at Damascus who aspires to Roman citizenship and entering the Senate, so he is cultivating my favor expensively. It is clear the father has thrown his son at me as a down payment on his project.
Glaucon is quite appealing in a sensual, even feminine, sort of way and is most congenial in his sexual accomplishments, I assure you. I have reason to know.
But he is not a person to be at my side as my consort at Court, at a military parade, at a religious sacrifice, in the company of rugged soldiers, on a Legion bivouac, at audience in the presence of my wife Sabina, or before the baying plebs at Rome's amphitheaters. He is not someone whose very presence adds gravitas to my official comportment beyond his feline beauty, of which one tires quickly. An emperor requires the companionship of someone who possesses visible substance, someone who displays self-evident quality, not merely delicate bones, a silver voice, a slim waist, wears silk well, or offers eager orifices to my amusement. He also does not inspire delight in my heart as you do.'