Tom: "There have been persistent calls by both the left and the right to use military force to clean up the world, to topple dictators and act as a policeman. You have steadfastly refused to even discuss those topics."
Me: "It is not in America's interest to throw our weight around like a bull in a china shop. If people think that we can make the rest of the planet act nice and play well with the other children, they are astonishingly naïve. As for dictators, sooner or later their own citizens will figure out what to do and take care of the problem. If we get involved, nobody will benefit, least of all us. I've said it before; we can't be in the business of running around and shooting jackasses just because they are jackasses. We'll run out of bullets long before we run out of jackasses. Again, this is just one more example of the need to say no."
After the interview was broadcast, my thoughts made a bit of a stir. For one thing, NBC investigated my comments about my medical prognosis, and turned that into a special report. As I knew they would find out, my family had a real history of Alzheimer's and strokes. My father's mother had died of a massive stroke and his father had died of Alzheimer's. Both of Mom's parents had died of 'senility', but they died before Alzheimer's became a common diagnosis. My father had died last year of Alzheimer's, and both his sisters were currently in homes suffering from the disease. Only my mother was still healthy; I suspected sheer bile kept her going, hoping to see me dead before she gave up.
Neither the conservatives nor the liberals liked what I had to say about policy. The forces I had been fighting were still present. The neocons wanted us to conquer the world and remake it in our image; the liberals wanted us to police the planet and make people behave. The Republicans wanted to lower taxes and the Democrats wanted to increase spending. Everybody figured that I was a cynic and pessimist.
John didn't say anything to me. I think he was finally starting to feel the pressure, as the demands started landing in his lap, for him to do something after he was sworn in. At one point, following a morning staff session, he asked, "Your advice?"
I smiled and simply said, "Learn to say NO."
"You're a lot of help."
I laughed. "This businessman gets tapped to take over as the boss of a big company, so he goes to the old boss and asks for some advice. 'What should I do to turn around the company?', he asks. The old guy tells him there are three envelopes in his desk, and that when things go bad to open the envelopes in order. So, about a year later, things look bad, and he opens the first envelope. Inside is a note that simply says, 'Blame everything on your predecessor.' So the fellow calls a press conference and does just that, and things calm down. A year later, things are turning to crap all over again, so he opens the second envelope. Inside is a note that says, 'Announce a reorganization.' So he calls another press conference and announces that he plans to reorganize the company. Things settle down again, but another year goes by, and things are looking really bad, so he opens up the third envelope. Inside is a note that says..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Prepare three envelopes.' I've heard this one before.", he finished.
"Now you know the secret of my success."
"Like I said, you're a lot of help!", he said with a smile.
"Welcome to the club, buddy. Now get out of here and let me get back to work.", I replied with a smile of my own.
By the end of December the transition team had the basic structure of the McCain administration laid out. Bob Gates and Condi Rice were staying in place at Defense and State, though Condi privately told me she wasn't sure how long she would stay. On the other hand Frank Keating was going back to Oklahoma, albeit on good terms. He was cooperating in a search for his replacement, helping with the interviews of several Federal judges with a reputation as being tough on crime. Liz Warren was also history after the 20th; John was talking to a partner over at Goldman Sachs about Treasury, Liz was talking to a couple of the Ivies about a full professorship.
Mitt was going to take over Health and Human Services; now all I had to do was get John to let him create a decent health plan. I debated to myself about letting John in on the secret of the American Renaissance Initiative. Mike Brown was getting Transportation. Other assorted fundraisers and supporters were divvying up other Cabinet positions. That was a pretty standard method actually. You were always careful with the Core Four, but for the others you generally just needed a political figurehead you could fire in case the shit hit the fan. Other supporters would become ambassadors somewhere around the world, the niceness of the posting varying depending on how much money they raised during the campaign. Again, you had professionals in the State Department to handle the details and clean up what their amateur bosses screwed up.
One interesting change was in the House. My old buddy John Boehner was no longer House Majority Whip, but was slated to become the Speaker. He had been Majority Whip for the last eight years, since I had given up the job when I became the Veep. Denny Hastert had been the Speaker for most of that time, but had decided not to run for reelection in 2006. Tom DeLay became Speaker, and Roy Blunt had snaked John out of the Majority Leader slot. Tom only lasted two years, however, before he had to leave Congress to fight Texas criminal conspiracy and election law fraud charges. (Ooops!) Now it was John's turn to return the favor to Roy, and he managed to get voted over Roy's head as the Speaker.
We had worked together for years getting stuff through Congress, and it was relatively well known that part of my success with Congress was due to the fact that we were long time friends and allies. More than a few afternoons or evenings had been spent sitting out on the Truman Portico, with him drinking bad Merlot and smoking, while I drank a much better grade of Riesling. Now I wasn't really sure how his new job would work out. It is not at all unusual for a really good Number Two to turn out to be a lousy Number One. On my first go, John hadn't done well holding out against the Tea Party. This time we really didn't have any Tea Party, but the Republican Party base was more conservative than either of us liked. I wondered how strong an ally he would prove to John McCain.
Meanwhile at the lower levels, people were moving out, up, or around. The ones moving out were typically heading towards much better paying lobbying jobs over on K Street or at some of the think tanks around town. The ones moving up or around were the Assistant and Deputy Assistant Secretaries, often moving up a level or two as their bosses decided they needed better paychecks as they got older and discovered just how much private college for their offspring was going to cost.
The week between Christmas and New Year I sat down with Frank Stouffer. Most of my senior staff was leaving with me, as John brought his own people on board, and I was ashamed to say that I hadn't been really following what they would do. I immediately started off with an apology. "Frank, I am sorry, but I just haven't spoken to you about what you are going to do after I'm gone. The last time we spoke about that was that in the Bahamas, and you simply said you were talking to some people. What are you and the others doing after the 20th?"
He smiled at me. "Well, I talked to some people." I raised an eyebrow, and he continued. "I wasn't sure if Marty Adrianopolis had called you yet."
"Marty? No, but I think there's a note for me to call him. Why?"
"Marty's leaving ARI. He and I are going into business together and forming our own lobbying outfit, Adrianopolis/Stouffer. Mindy will come with us until you get your act together. Elsewhere, Brewster is going to be the next RNC chairman, but you already knew that. We'll still be running this town, Mister President."