She knew it all. The lake on her left with the tangled water-lilies… the stream… and yes, there — a skimming streak of blue — was the kingfisher.
The house, now. Serene, lovely — but shuttered… dead…
No, not quite. An old man, a caretaker presumably, came out of a side door towards her.
‘Can I help you, miss?’
‘I am wondering…’ Her English was still uncertain and fragmented. ‘Is the lady… Mrs Hamilton… The mother of…’ But it seemed she still couldn’t say Alex’s name.
The old man stared at her. ‘Mrs Hamilton died more than two years ago. In the winter of 1916. Had a stroke and was gone in a couple of hours.’
‘I see… There is no one here, then?’
‘No one, miss.’
Slowly she walked back across the grass, wanting now only to be gone. And then she saw his tree: the great oak he had loved so much. (‘It was a whole world to me, Vanni, that tree. There were squirrels in it and little mice and hollows filled with water when it rained. I used to spend hours in that tree.’)
She walked up to it and rested her back against the trunk.
And felt suddenly an incredible sense of release. It was as if the grief and anguish that had weighed her down were physically lifted from her. She felt a lightness and something else she could not at first believe.
‘I’m happy,’ thought Vanni wonderingly. ‘Happy!’
The debt of sorrow she had owed her love was paid, then. She was free. And in that instant she saw as clearly as if she really stood before her, the image of a child: her child, a girl, fair-haired and lightly made, waiting to be born — and to dance.
So precise was the moment of her rebirth that Vanni looked at her watch. A quarter-past twelve. Then she walked lightly to the gate.
Back at the hotel, she wondered whether to ring Vassilov and tell him that she was ready now to marry him. But there was time. Everything would unfold in its own way.
Three hours later at the army camp, she danced a pas seul from La Fille Mai Gardee and a Tommy called Ron Smith, who could barely spell his own name, became a lifelong balletomane. Then, as she always did, she accompanied the camp commandant and the doctor on a tour of the hospital.
It was in a magnificent Palladian mansion, a little way from the camp. Long windows, high bare rooms in which men sat playing cards or writing letters, their crutches against their beds…
A very silent room, now, with the really sick: the shell-shock cases, those with head wounds. The room had been the private gymnasium of the nobleman who had given his house. There were wooden bars round the walls, a bare parquet floor. And rows of beds… eight down one side of the wall by the windows, eight by the left-hand wall, another eight facing her. Identical white beds with grey blankets, many of them screened by identical screens.
Vanni stopped. Her thoughts came to her in Russian, sometimes in Italian or French. But it was in English now that the voice in her head stated matter-of-factly: ‘That one’.
What happened next should have been easy enough to ascertain, yet to the last there were different versions. On one thing, however, everyone was agreed. The famous ballerina moved up to the third bed from the left and said in a voice from which the charming foreign hesitance was entirely absent, ‘Take away the screen.’
This done, there were revealed — to the extreme annoyance of the Matron — two of the prettiest nurses (who should have been elsewhere) leaning in concern over patient Number 59613. Really, was there no limit to the fuss that had to be made over this admittedly heroic major with his medals and his amnesia? After all, other men had been decorated three times for bravery, had been grievously wounded and left for dead. Yet even in his present state, the man seemed to possess an unquenchable glamour.
But the girls were ready with their defence.
‘We heard him speak, Matron. A name, it sounded like. We thought he might be coming round.’
‘At a quarter-past twelve, it was,’ said the second nurse, pleased to show her efficiency.
‘Rubbish!’ said the Matron. ‘The patient’s been in a deep coma ever since he was repatriated.’
To this interchange the visiting ballerina paid no attention. Instead she removed, for some reason, her small, pillbox hat and handed it to the commandant to hold as if he was a footman. Then she moved over to the bed and knelt down.
She knelt and she waited. Then, after a while, quietly and without emotion, she pronounced the patient’s Christian name.
And now there was some disagreement over what happened next. That the man stirred on the pillow and turned his head was indisputable. Indisputable, too, that he smiled: a slow, incredibly peaceful smile quite without awe or incredulity.
At this point, on account of the smile, the nurses were already crying, so that their testimony is not really worth much. The ballerina, on the other hand, did not cry. Rather, as the man’s emaciated but still shapely hand lifted itself from the counterpane, she bent her head so that he found, first, her high-piled shining hair.
‘He was just stroking her hair,’ said the first nurse afterwards; a nice girl, decently brought-up, who hunted with the Quorn.
‘Oh, yeah?’ said the second, who was deplorably Cockney and working-class.
And it had to be admitted that the Major’s long chiselled fingers seemed to move through the brown tresses with a sense
of undoubted purpose — to come to rest with what was surely a kind of familiarity on the first hairpin… the second and the third. It was probably just an accident — for he was still pitifully weak- that the pins should fall one by one on to the blankets so that presently the dancer’s quiet, transfigured face was entirely framed in her loosened hair…
But if a certain disquiet nevertheless remained, if the action did not seem to be quite that of an English officer and gentleman, the first word with which the gallant major signalled his return to health and sanity was as reassuring and high-minded as anyone could wish.
‘Sanctuary,’ said Alex Hamilton, and smiled once more, and slept.
‘Vanni! Doushenka! Milenkaya!’
For all her seventy years, Madame Delsarte ran down the last flight of stairs, and the elegant woman standing in the hall turned and absurdly, in her Chanel coat and sable muff, she curtseyed. To be pulled to her feet, embraced and addressed in a spate of Russian.
‘Oh you bad, bad girl!’ scolded Madame. ‘To give it all up just like that! After such a Giselle!’ She shook her head. ‘How you must have suffered! What a struggle!’
Vanni smiled. ‘No. There was no struggle. I never had to think, not for a moment. As soon as I found him again, all I wanted was to be with him.’
‘Yes, I can see it in your face, your happiness. He must be a good man, I think, not only a brave soldier. So you have no regrets?’
‘None.’ But Vanni’s eyes rested now, with an infinity of love, on the child who had followed Madame and stood quietly waiting on the upstairs landing.
‘Is she—’ she began, but found she could not trust her voice.
‘She is accepted, of course,’ said Madame Delsarte. She paused. Then throwing common-sense, caution, even wisdom to the winds, she put an arm round Vanni and answered the question in her former pupil’s gentle eyes. ‘Do not fear, doushenka,’ she said, too softly for the child to hear. ‘She is one of us. She will dance.’
The Magi of Markham Street
It was about the second week in December that I became really desperate about the baby Jesus.
The trouble was, I could see their point very well. Jimmy MacAlpine’s point and Russell Taylor’s point — and Maggie Burtt’s point too, before the school doctor excluded her because of the nits in her hair. We had had real frogs from real frogspawn, real hyacinths thrusting from real black, crumbly soil, a real goldfish with — alas — real fungus on its fins. My class had a thing about real-ness — and it was I who had put it there.