A short while later he heard the astonished shout and clamour of excited voices as the body was discovered. And when he drove by after a further ten minutes he saw briefly a cluster of lanterns beyond the wash-place. He drove a couple of hundred yards past the Commission gate then parked his car at the side of the road and walked cautiously back. He wanted to change out of his ridiculously festive Santa uniform and he was also desperately keen to wash his hands. He was glad to see the Commission itself was completely dark, though he noticed Fanshawe’s house was brightly lit. He assumed the Duchess was being entertained there as he saw several cars parked in its drive. He wondered if they had been aware of the blaze on the dump.
He quietly let himself into the Commission and crept through the hall and up the stairs. On the landing he decided to clean up first before he changed back into his clothes. He tiptoed into the guest bathroom and softly closed the door behind him. He switched on the light and gave a gasp of horror-struck astonishment when he saw his reflection in the mirror. His face was black with dirt and smoke and scored by tear-tracks. One eyebrow had been singed away leaving a shiny rose stripe and the sparse hair of his widow’s peak had been heat-blasted into a frizzy blond quiff, like an atrocious candy-floss perm. His startled eyes stared blearily back at him in angry albino pinkness.
‘Oh Sweet bloody Jesus,’ he wailed in dismay. ‘You poor bloody idiot.’ Was it worth it, he asked himself, was it worth it?
He had only begun to wash his hands when he heard the voices in the hall. He heard Chloe Fanshawe’s loudly yodelled goodnights and the sound of two people coming up the stairs. He felt panic clench his heart into a tiny pounding ball. He switched off the light in the bathroom and stood nailed to the middle of the floor wondering what to do until some faint instinct of self-preservation steered him towards the bath. He stepped in and drew the shower curtain around him, seeking some form of safety however flimsy.
He heard modulated English voices. Someone said, ‘Did you unpack everything, Sylvia?’ and Sylvia replied, ‘Yes, Ma’am.’ Ma’am would be the Duchess, he reasoned, wondering who Sylvia might be: probably a lady-in-waiting, chaperone or first companion of the bedchamber or whatever it was, he decided. He thought hopelessly that perhaps no one would need to use the bathroom…
The light went on. Morgan froze behind his shower curtain.
‘…Ghastly little man I thought,’ he heard the Duchess say. ‘And his wife! Good Lord, what an extraordinary…oh I don’t know, the people they send out here.’ Morgan’s instinctive dislike was strengthened by this general slur. The door was shut and he smelt cigarette smoke. He tried not to breathe. Through the semi-transparent plastic of the curtain he could make out a dim grey shape. He heard a zip being run down, the rustle of a dress being lowered. He saw the shape sit down on the WC, heard the straining grunts, the farts, the splashes. Ah, he thought to himself, a manic giggle chattering in his head, so they do go to the toilet like everyone else. There was the noise of paper crumpling, the flush, clothes being readjusted, the running of water from the taps. He heard the Duchess mutter ‘bloody filthy’, at the state he’d left the basin in, then the water stopped. The door was opened.
‘Sylvia?’ came the voice more distantly from the passageway. ‘When exactly are we leaving tomorrow?’
Morgan breathed again, perhaps he might make it after all. He wondered ifhe had the time to clamber out of the bathroom window and make his escape across the back lawn. Maybe Sylvia would only have a pee as well and that would be it. He felt so tense he thought his spine might snap. But he had no time to dwell on the state of his body as there were more steps on the landing outside. Christ, Sylvia arriving, he thought. Some obscure need for disguise made him reach into his pocket for his cotton-wool beard which he quickly put on. He heard the door click shut, smelt cigarette smoke and he knew the Duchess had returned. Please God, he prayed with all the intensity he could muster, please just let her clean her teeth. I’ll do anything God, he promised, anything. He held his breath in agonized anticipation. He heard a rustle, a snap of elastic, the sound of something soft hit the floor.
He saw a shadow-hand reach for the shower curtain. With a rusty click of metal castors the curtain was twitched back. Morgan and the Duchess stared at each other eye to eye. He had never seen dumbfounded surprise and shock registered on anyone’s face quite so distinctly before. After all, the thought flashed through his brain, it’s not every day you find Father Christmas in your bath. The Duchess stood there slack and squat, quite naked apart from a pale-blue shower cap and a half smoked cigarette in one hand. Morgan saw breasts like empty socks, floppy-jersey fat folds, a grey Brillo pad, turkey thighs. Her mouth hung open in paralysed disbelief.
‘Evening, Duchess,’ Morgan squeaked from behind his beard, stepping from the bath with the falsetto audacity of a Raffles. He flung open the bathroom window, lowered the lid of the WC, stepped up and slung his legs over the window-sill. He glanced back over his shoulder. He didn’t care anymore. Her mouth was still open but an arm was across her breasts and a hand pressed into her lap.
‘Listen,’ he said. ‘I promise I won’t tell if you won’t.’ He dropped down six feet onto the tar-paper roof of the rear verandah, crawled to the edge and hung down, falling onto the back lawn. As he tore across the dark grass towards the gate he felt curiously exultant and carefree as he waited for the Duchess’s screams to rend the night air. But nothing disturbed the impartial gaze of the stars and the convivial silence of the scene.
♦
Bilbow stuck his head out of the spare bedroom when Morgan let himself into the house twenty minutes later.
‘Bloody hell,’ Bilbow said, looking at Morgan’s face. ‘What happened to you, Santa? Reindeers crash? Sledge get shot down in flames?’
Morgan didn’t bother to reply — he was too busy pouring himself a huge drink.
‘By the way,’ Bilbow said, wandering into the sitting room. ‘Some chap called Adekunle’s been ringing all day. Says you must phone him as soon as you get in, doesn’t matter what time it is. Make any sense?’
It didn’t. So he went to bed.
7
Morgan stood next to the caddie cage — a kind of miniature POW camp where the caddies lounged — waiting for the caddie master to select him a boy. A Boxing Day sun shone in the clear pale-blue sky and it was already hot for ten o’clock. He was due on the first tee by 10.30 but had come down early as he wasn’t keen to remain in the house. He had not phoned Adekunle as requested, neither had he made contact with Fanshawe to see what the reaction had been to the miraculous reappearance of Innocence. The phone had gone twice while he was eating his breakfast but he had ignored it. On his way to the club he had been held up by a big election march on behalf of the UPKP weaving its way through Nkongsamba’s twisted streets en route for a rally at the football stadium. So eventful had his life become of late that he had forgotten that voting commenced tomorrow.