Chapter 8: The golden rule, white lies, and nagging
If you’ve only dated one girl, you won’t be able to tell if her flaws and good points are individual to her or if these traits are universal to all women. The advantage to dating multiple women is that you’re soon forced to lose all hope. God promised man He’d leave incredible women in all the four corners of the Earth. And then He made the world round.
Most of the feminine traits that drive men crazy are universal to all women. If you’re heterosexual and you want to be with a woman, you have to learn how to deal with the differences between us and them.
We all know the golden rule; treat others like you want to be treated. Under pressure we instinctively treat the people we love or hope to love the way we’d want to be treated. If you treat a woman like a man, you’ll die alone—even worse, end up trapped with a pissed off woman for a very long time.
Why are divorces so expensive? They’re worth it. You don’t want to be the guy who knows through personal experience why they’re worth it.
When’s the last time you wanted to be treated like a girl? Growing up when you saw your father kiss your sister and call her beautiful, did you feel jealous? Did you long to be called handsome by your dad?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you don’t want what I’ve got to sell. I’d encourage you to return this book and get a refund. If you answered no to all three questions, please read on.
Let’s take it for granted that you don’t want to be treated like a woman. The woman you love or hope to love doesn’t want to be treated like a man. You need to treat her like she wants to be treated; you need to help her treat you like you want to be treated.
This is easier said than done. Following the golden rule is easy. You instinctively know what makes you happy; you don’t instinctively know what makes her happy. The things that please you often annoy her.
Men, especially nerds, tend to be analytical. We want to understand why things happen. You’ve likely been trying to understand since childhood why women do what they do. And you’ve been failing.
Just out of curiosity, I once performed a simple experiment. I asked men and women what they’d do if they just got married and only had enough money to furnish one room at a time. Would they buy an entertainment center they’d use every day or a dining room set they’d use once or twice a year? They had to choose one or the other; they couldn’t have both.
Every man I asked told me that they’d buy the entertainment center. More than ninety percent of the women told me they’d buy the dining room set. I understood why men wanted to buy something they’d use every day over something they’d use just once or twice a year.
I tried to grasp why anyone would want to buy a dining room set. I asked women to explain. Imagine someone trying to describe colors to a person who’s been blind from birth; that’s how I felt while these women described the logical progression behind their choice. As much as I tried, I couldn’t follow their logic. I couldn’t see what they were seeing.
Men like to claim that all women are crazy. Who is crazier, the insane person or the man who’s trying everything possible to be with the insane person? Don’t throw stones; in our own way we’re just as crazy as them.
I decided, after my experiment, not to waste time trying to understand WHY women were different. I focused instead on HOW they were different. Once I started looking at ‘what they did’ rather than ‘why they did.’ I found out that women are surprisingly consistent and easy to predict.
Men hate being lied to—even if it’s a white lie. Women not only like white lies—they ask for them.
When a woman asks you, “Does this dress make me look fat?” The right answer is NEVER, “Honey, dresses don’t make you look fat. Fat makes you look fat.”
If a woman asks you, “Do you ever fantasize about other women while we have sex?” Answering, “Sometimes” will result in pain, I promise you. She’ll never forget this answer.
If your wife asks you, “What would you do if I died?” Don’t tell her, “It’ll suck at first but eventually I’ll move on.” She’ll never forget this answer, either.
When a man asks a question he generally wants the truth—good or bad. If he asks a woman, ‘does this jacket match my pants’, he really doesn’t know if they match or not—he wants the truth. There are times when women answer men with white lies because that’s what they’d want. When we find out we’ve been lied to, we get pissed. If a man doesn’t want a real answer to a question, he doesn’t ask the question. No man who has the delusion that he’s hot ever asks a woman, “Am I good looking?”
With women, there are times where they want the truth and they’re times where they expect white lies—it’s obvious to them which are which. Unfortunately, it’s not always so obvious to us—this often leads to problems because it’s difficult for them to understand how hard it is for us to know when to lie. When we get it wrong (How can you get it wrong? It’s so obvious!), they think we’re insulting them on purpose.
When a woman gets upset, she usually wants to talk because that’s what makes her feel better. When a man gets upset, he tends to withdraw because that’s what makes him feel better. It’s sad and ironic, but the things that make a woman feel better tend to make a man feel miserable and vice versa.
It’s through our fights with women that we ultimately learn if we love them or not. Only a man in love can truly be miserable. If the woman you’re with doesn’t have the power to make you truly miserable, you probably don’t care enough about her. If you haven’t wanted to kill a girl at least once, you shouldn’t marry her.
A couple that never fights, a relationship where there isn’t any conflict, is boring. Boredom kills relationships faster than pain. But pain and misery need to be like garlic on a steak. A little bit adds spice and interest; too much destroys the meal. You don’t need to be afraid of conflict and disagreements, but you also shouldn’t let arguments get out of control.
The most common sign of an unhappy woman is nagging. When a woman nags, it’s a sign that she isn’t getting enough positive attention. When a woman doesn’t get enough positive attention, she’ll instinctively seek negative attention.
If a puppy goes potty in the corner of your room, it’s not enough to spray air freshener over the doggy doo. You have to remove the poop. You have to address the root problem. When a woman nags, it’s not enough to do what she asks. You have to give her the positive attention she needs.
The best way to give a woman who is nagging positive attention is to lie. It’s unpleasant to be nagged. When a woman is angry with you, it is extremely difficult not to be angry back. The greatest gift you can give a woman when you’re angry is a lie; you have to tell her you love her when you don’t—at that moment.
Women may be crazy, but they aren’t stupid. When you tell them you love them when you really want to kill them, they know that you’re telling the Mount Everest of white lies—and they’ll love you for it. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they stop being angry.
I know this sounds insane. The only way you’ll believe me is if you try it and it works. If you’re being driven nuts by the woman you love, what have you got to lose?
Chapter 9: The value of experience
There are men who are content to be with just one woman for their entire lives. I wasn’t one of them. I’ve dated hundreds of women. By the time I was in my late twenties, the standard pick up became so easy that it was almost boring. The more experience I got, the more jaded I became. I dealt with this by becoming more and more extreme. It wasn’t until a prostitute wanted to have a relationship with me that I realized I needed to change my path—that the extreme wasn’t working for me.