Thirty seconds.
…
Breathe.
…
Breathe. None of it is real.
…
It soon will be. Asshat poked von Braun in the chest with his pistol. The men around him are raising their weapons. That’s it. I can’t save von Braun anymore but I can save myself.
I’m getting out of the car.
—Fräulein, geh zurück ins Auto!
“Miss, get back in the car.” Right on cue. Focus, Mia. Breathe. Just smile your way to the truck.
…
Holy cow! Von Braun grabbed Asshat’s gun and pressed the barrel against his own head. He’s screaming now.
—Call Himmler! Call Himmler or shoot me in the head, and then call Himmler. Either way, you’ll be facing a firing squad by morning….
Asshat hasn’t pulled the trigger yet.
All right. I’ll give you three seconds, then I’m doing this my way.
One…
—Geh zurück ins Auto!
Two…
Pistol down. He’s holstering it.
Everyone’s heartbeat is slowing down. I feel a cool breeze coming in.
I guess calling the head of the SS wasn’t on Asshat’s to-do list for the day. It’s a good thing he didn’t. Von Braun spent two weeks in a Gestapo cell because of Himmler. I don’t think there’s a lot of love between those two. Von Braun is back inside the car. Somehow he seems in his element in all this. Fake smiles to everyone. I feel a Heil Hitler coming. Here it is.
The SS are leaving, just like that. Moving on to God knows where to mess with someone else. I don’t think Asshat liked having to back down. I pity whoever crosses their path next.
I was going to blow them all to smithereens. If it weren’t for von Braun… I would have killed them all. I knew how. This was a close call, but the Waffen-SS aren’t the ones I’m scared of right now.
I need to go home, but a drink will have to do. We’ll spend the night in the next village. The trains will be there in the morning.
6
Lili Marlene
This place is loud. Must be the only bar here. Sticky floors. It stinks of old beer and… I can’t quite put my finger on it. Something. The girl at the bar is younger than I am. Sixteen. Seventeen. I should relate but I can’t read her at all. She’s phlegmatic, neither happy nor sad, isolated from the world by a ten-foot oak slab.
—Einen halben Liter Weißbier, bitte.
I can still hear my heartbeat. Thump thump. Thump thump. We got lucky, but it was a mistake to send me. I’m going to get us all killed. Me and von Braun deserve whatever we get, but there are three thousand people I’ve never met on those trains. Three thousand flavors of guilt and innocence. Janitors, secretaries. Wives and children. I shouldn’t be the one to—
—Sara Balian?
Silence. My heart stopped. I’m trying to swallow the beer in my mouth as if nothing happened, as if I didn’t hear anything. But I did hear. That’s my mother’s name, was my mother’s name before we moved out of Germany.
—Sara Balian, du bist es!
Keep calm. Just ignore him. What are the odds he’ll just go away? Nil, he just tapped me on the shoulder.
—Sara!
I need to get rid of him while there’s no one else within earshot.
—I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know who that is.
—Sara! You’re Sara. How—
He’s probably fifty, scruffy beard. The eyes. He’s drunk as a skunk. He seems… broken, but I can tell he was a good-looking man before all this. This is someone who was happy once.
—My name is Lili, sir. You have me confused with someone else. I don’t know anyone named…
—Sara.
—Like I said. I don’t know who that is.
—You haven’t changed one bit. Not one bit. How is that possible? It’s me, Sara! Dieter!
He knew my mother when she was my age. He remembers her that way. I knew her, too, or course. But I remember her through the eyes of a kid. To him it must look like I traveled through time.
—I just told you. My name’s Lili. I’ve never seen you before in my life, sir. I’ve never been here before.
—No. I know who you are. Your clothes… they’re different. Your hair. But you’re still the same. How can you be the same?
I’m not the same. I’m not my mother.
—I think you need to go, sir. Now.
—I have to tell Bernhard. He’ll be so happy to see you. BERNHARD! Over here!
That name. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Dieter, but Bernhard, I know. He came to our house many times when I was young. I see him now, a couple of tables back… in a fucking SS uniform. Dang! He’s older, but that’s him. That’s the man I knew. Now he’s just another soldier. I keep forgetting they’re people, but this is Nazi Germany. The Nazis are your neighbors, your parents, your childhood friends. Five more gray-green shirts around him. Beer spilling everywhere. They’re just as drunk as Dieter; that should give me a few seconds. I need to leave before Bernhard sees me.
—I have to go. Goodbye, sir. I hope you find that friend of yours.
—Don’t go, Sara! You have to see Bernh— Wait! Wait!
Don’t follow me. Please don’t follow me out.
Ding. The door hits the bell as it closes behind me….
Ding. It rings again.
—SARA!
Don’t draw attention to yourself. I’m sure Dieter means well, but he’s going to get me killed.
—…
—SARA!
—SHHHHHHHH!
I can’t let him do this. I don’t look German. One of them says “Gypsy” and they’ll tear me to pieces. All I have are fake papers. Lili papers. I’m not having a sit-down with the SS trying to explain why I’m not who Dieter and Bernhard say I am. There. There’s an alley behind the flower shop.
—Over here, Dieter. Come with me.
—Oh, Sara. I never thought I’d see you again. I didn’t think you’d come back, not after what happened in Bad Saarow.
Bad Saarow. Why does that ring a bell?
—I’m not Sara. I keep telling you.
—Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me. I was there when it happened, Sara. I—
—Sara’s my mother.
—Mi’a?
He knows me. I thought… I was hoping this was all a mistake.
—Mi’a… I can’t believe it’s you. You look so much like her, it’s… You don’t remember me, do you? Dieter? Uncle Dieter?
That voice. I sort of remember now. He… He played with me. NNNEEAOOWWW! I was in his arms. I was an airplane. He carried me around while I pretended to fly. It’s more a feeling than a memory, but I think I liked him. Dieter… Didi? I remember Didi. Mother trusted him, she… She left me alone with him. Mother never left me alone with anyone.
—Are you Didi?
—Yes! It’s me, Didi! You were this high the last time I saw you. I knew you when you were a baby, Mi’a. I held you in my arms for… You peed on me!
Mother and he were close, but she never talks about him. It seems like they were on good terms, but he said… He said he never thought she’d come back, not after…
—What did you mean, about my mother? Why would she not come back here?
—… I meant it’s been a long time. I thought, after so many years, you know.
That’s not what he said.
—You said you were there, Dieter. There for what?
—Is your mother here? Is she…
He doesn’t want to lie to me. Why?
—What happened, Dieter?
—Nothing. I—