“Salaam,” said a young girl close to Kareema’s age. The sun was on Gulnaz’s back, making the child squint and curl half her mouth in a lopsided smile that she reserved for strangers.
“Wa-alaikum, little girl.” Gulnaz tried to peer behind her without gawking. The small courtyard looked tidy. There were no immediate signs of disarray. “Is your mother home? I’ve come to visit my grandchildren. Basir and the girls — are they here?”
“Yes, Khala-jan,” she exclaimed politely. She motioned with one grand sweep of the arm for Gulnaz to step inside. “Please do come in.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” Gulnaz said. “If you don’t mind calling them to come outside, I’ll wait for them here.”
The young girl looked uncomfortable. She was probably around ten years old and knew better than to leave an older woman standing on the street. She shifted her weight and tried once more.
“Please, Khala-jan, it’s nothing. Come inside and I will call them. It’s not right for you to stand in this sun.”
The sound of laughter came from within the home. It propelled Gulnaz forward despite her reluctance to enter the home of Kamal’s sister. She could be thrown out at any moment. Just as Gulnaz entered the courtyard, Tamina came out to see who had called. She was drying her hands on her skirt and didn’t recognize Gulnaz immediately. The branches of a sparsely leafed pear tree brushed against her shoulder. The moment she realized who stood before her, her feet came to an abrupt stop.
“Tamina-jan,” Gulnaz said softly. “Forgive me for coming to your home unannounced.”
Tamina’s eyes grew wide and her breathing slowed. She stood perfectly still.
It was up to Gulnaz to fill the silence with some kind of explanation for her presence.
“I’m here only to see my grandchildren. I do not wish to disturb you or your family in any way. I know you’ve been generous in caring for them after what happened to your brother, God forgive him.”
When Tamina still failed to respond, Gulnaz debated leaving. Pleading was beneath her, but this situation was different. She had every reason to believe her daughter had killed Tamina’s eldest and only brother. His family had the right to demand blood for her crime, even if the justice system hadn’t yet reached a conclusion. She took a deep breath and continued.
“I never wanted such ugliness to affect this family, especially the children. They are innocent souls. If I could please see Basir and the girls, I will not bother you. I can walk with them outside and not disturb you or your children.”
Gulnaz snuck a glance at the house. She could hear voices within, talking and laughing. She hoped Tamina’s husband was not home. She had no interest in facing more people from the family.
“Madar-jan,” said the young girl softly. “Should I go call Basir and the others?”
Tamina took a deep breath and shook her head.
“I cannot believe you’ve come here,” she said in a voice husky with anger. “You’ve traveled a long way to see your grandchildren.”
Gulnaz cleared her throat.
“I did.”
People were always impressed with how far she’d gone, as if the physical distance between two places were the greatest obstacle she had to overcome.
“What made you think it was all right to appear at my door. . in my home?” Tamina shot her daughter a look and motioned for her to go inside the house. Her daughter vanished without a word of protest, understanding that if she was to continue listening to this conversation she would have to do so from inside. Tamina was no longer still. She’d taken a step closer to Gulnaz, bringing the distance between them to the length of a man’s body.
“I am not here for any purpose other than to see my grandchildren,” Gulnaz repeated calmly. She raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. “I am not here to offer explanations or deliver messages of apology. I will not bother you with any empty words of condolence.”
“Condolence?” Tamina scoffed. She rested her hands on her hips and shook her head. Her head scarf draped softly at the nape of her neck. “I don’t need your condolences. I need you to leave my home. I need for my neighbors not to see me entertaining you in my home. What will people say? My brother is freshly in the ground and I am serving tea to his killer’s mother in my home?”
“Tamina-jan, no one knows I’m here. Not a soul from my own family knows, not even my son. And your neighbors can’t see through walls.”
“Walls are as solid as tea bags,” Tamina blurted. “Do you know what’s happened in this town? Do you know what people are saying about my brother and what this has done to our family? They’re saying that he had committed the ultimate act of blasphemy — burning the Qur’an, Allah forbid!”
Tamina tugged at both her earlobes and looked to the sky, begging God for forgiveness for having uttered such terrible words.
Gulnaz was stunned. She’d heard nothing of the sort, though it had been over a week since she’d spoken to either Zeba or Yusuf. Was this true?
“I. . I hadn’t heard a word about. .”
“That’s what this village is saying. People are looking at me now as if I’d handed him the matches to do it. And I’ve never heard such an accusation about my brother! Whatever my brother was in his life, I never let his sins touch my children. Now I’m afraid to take my children out of the house. My family’s name is blackened! People will not speak to my husband, and my sister has been shamed in front of her in-laws. Our walls are covered in spit and curses. They hate us — as if I had anything to do with my brother’s insanity. What else do you want to do to me? What else?”
She was furious now, her rage loose and her breathing heavy enough that Gulnaz could see the rise and fall of her chest below her collarbones. Her hands were clenched in tight balls.
“I didn’t know,” Gulnaz mumbled, covering her face with her hands. Her handbag had fallen to the ground with a defeated thud. Her fingers made a triangle at her mouth. It was time to reconsider her plan. She was doing her grandchildren no favors by poking a stick at their keeper. “I was wrong to come.”
She lifted her bag from the ground, her back aching in protest.
“I’m feeding his children with whatever we have for our own family. Did you come here to thank me or check on what I’m doing? Leave and do not dare to come back! If you care about these children, you’ll leave them in peace!”
Gulnaz half expected to feel Tamina’s fists pummel her back as she fled the yard. She heard the door creak to a close behind her and walked to the end of the block without pausing to wipe the tears from her cheeks. When had she become so powerless? When had she lost control over everything in her life?
Gulnaz stood with her back flattened against a clay wall. The small street crossed a main road buzzing with shops and the rumble of car engines. A Toyota Corolla drove past, the driver slowing to get a better look at her as she lingered in the alley. Gulnaz pulled her head scarf over her nose and mouth and let out a long, soft moan that drowned in the town’s bustle.
She’d been so close to her grandchildren. Had she done right to leave without putting up more of a fight? Perhaps Tamina needed more time. Maybe when the rumors circulating about Kamal died down, so would her anger.
She could predict Zeba’s disappointment already. Gulnaz had wanted only to hug the children and bring them news that their mother thought of them every moment of the day. She knew what Zeba feared most was for her own daughters to look at her the way she’d looked at her mother — she desperately feared the day they would glare at her with icy eyes or refuse to open the door when she came calling on them — if she were ever able to call on them.