"Hey, Jake. So, what do you want to do?" Lynette acted like nothing happened.
"Look out, Lynnie. Space boy's mad."
"Get. Out." I was so angry that's all that would come out. I pointed to the door. I'd had enough for the day. Hell, I had enough for a lifetime. Poked and prodded picked at, picked on, picked apart by strangers all day long, people who already made their minds up. People who didn't really care beyond their "job". People who wouldn't listen, or assumed, or had their own agendas for me. I was tired. I was humiliated. And now, now I was over the edge.
Marlon jumped up. "Come on, Lynnie. You heard him. Time to leave."
"You mad at something, Jake?"
The anger built and built. "You had no right to look through my things."
Marlon sighed heavily. "Oh hell. Is this going to take long? Because I've got some heavy programming to get back to. You know, real work."
I opened the door. "Get out!"
Ralph was at the door in seconds. "What's going on, kiddo?"
"All day I've done what I was told. All day I put up with their garbage. And then I come in here and find these two grundhi going through my holocom!" I was on the verge of tears, and didn't even care that my voice cracked. I was so mad it felt like my hair was sizzling.
Marlon rolled his eyes again and pushed past Ralph. "Later, bots. I'm out."
"Jake, you need to calm down and..."
"Calm down? Calm down?! Did they pry into your personal files, Ralph?"
"Of course they did. Years ago. That's what StarTech does. You sign up for ST life, you sign away your own. That's just the way it goes."
"But I didn't sign up for anything!" I bellowed. I saw Jillian look up from her terminal in the living area. Dr. Karl stepped out from the gym where he'd been calibrating the machines for my new training. Lynette gave a little gasp behind me and I heard her get up from my bed. I wanted them out. I wanted them all out. All of them. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to be back in my own bunk in my own quarters and reach out and get comfort from Ashnahta.
"Jake," Ralph said in his "calm the kid down" voice.
"No," I said, getting myself under control. "I don't want to be calmed down, I want you to listen. I didn't sign up for this, did I?"
"Jake..."
"No! I have spent the day answering their questions. Now they can answer mine!" I pushed by Ralph and walked up to Dr. Karl. "You know everything about me. Every single detail. Did I ever ask to be any part of this StarTech?"
"Young man, you'll get your heart too worked up. I can give you a dose of..."
Forget him. I turned to Jillian. "Am I? Am I an employee? Can StarTech really hire people who don't want to work for them? Is that what kind of society you have here?" She made no answer. "It is, isn't it? I've got no choice. I've never had a damn choice in anything!"
I turned back to Ralph. "I'm playing along. Don't you try and tell me I'm not. I've done every stupid thing they've wanted me to for two months now. I have run their miles and lifted their weights and eaten their horrible food and read their stupid magazines about things that are inane and pointless and don't matter at all!" I whirled to Jillian again. "Blue paint on faces? Is that seriously what concerns your human race?" I didn't let her answer. I also didn't miss her squirm. I hit a nerve, with all of them then, even Ralph. I could feel it. "I just want to go home. I want to go back to a place where all people are just people and they can say what they think and not be called brats for it and where they are working for a future, not worried about suits and paints and stupid, trifling garbage." I was calmer now that it was out. I felt better at giving my honest opinion.
I turned to Lynette. "This is the one thing of mine. This is the only thing I've ever owned. It's my one link to my home and to my family. Not 'aliens'. My family. My friends. My life." I turned back to the stunned adults. "I'll play your games. I'll get StarTech their funding. I'll do what you say, Dr. Karl. I'll be the fittest little astronaut off planet. I'll wear whatever you put me in, Jillian. I'll stand tall and smile nice and say whatever Christophe wants me to. I'll do it because apparently that's what I am supposed to do. But you get this straight. I didn't ask for any of this, and I'm doing the best I can."
Have you ever gotten angry, really, truly angry, where you feel electrified? And then that energy gushes out in a tirade and you feel spent. That's how I felt. I felt truly tired. Not "I need a nap" tired. I mean, exhausted. "I'm going to bed." Dr. Karl made as if he was going to say something, but Ralph shook his head. I walked into my room and stood at the door. "Please leave." Lynette darted out and I closed my door. And then I let the poofy bed suck me in and I wished it would go ahead and swallow me whole.
Ralph came in during the night. He sat on the edge of my bed. I didn't turn to look at him. What more was there to say? So I let him talk. And I listened, even though at the time I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.
"We knew she was pregnant. We all planned it, all of us."
If I hadn't already resolved to ignore him, and if I wasn't too stubborn to stick with a plan once it's made, I would have been all over that. But I laid there, almost unable to breathe, as he spelled it out for me.
"She wanted to have a child in space. So we helped fudge the sterilization process. Oh, she got an injection, alright. But it was just harmless saline. Your father, too. And two others, in case..." In case what!? He didn't say, and I couldn't ask. "Well, that doesn't matter. It worked out."
So Reginald was right. They lied to me my whole life. I'm just an experiment. I silently begged the bed to finish it's job and drag me under.
"You were right. You didn't ask for any of this. But hell, kid. No one asks for what they get. I didn't ask my folks to be born. That's not how it happens." He sighed. "Maybe we did the wrong thing. Or maybe we did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Whatever. It made all those years in the tiny can bearable, having a little munchkin running around. I'm not sorry. And your Mother, she cried when you were born. I get that Eunice comes off as clinical, but she does care. And if I thought for a second you were thinking poorly of your father, I'd whoop you. You know he was thrilled to have you.
"So you're not where you asked to be right now. So what? I didn't ask to have that troll of a teacher Mrs. Plinket in sixth grade. I didn't ask her to hate children and whip my fingers with her ruler when she was having a bad day. I didn't ask for it, but that's what I got.
"I admit there are differences. But the overall's the same. This is what you have to do because this is what your folks need you to do. You're not an employee. You're absolutely right about that. And I agree that Lynette and Marlon had no right getting into your holo, and I've already bitched them out good for it. I should have put my foot down about some things earlier, I guess." He gave a small laugh. "But I am an employee of StarTech. I have been since I was little older than you. I guess I forgot what civilians should expect. You should have privacy. I've made it clear to all of them, and Reginald agrees." Wow. He went to Reginald? He must mean it.
"In return, though... These people know what they're doing. Even Marlon, though I admit he's a jerk. They are here to help you. They may have started things off wrong, but they really are here for you. If you can't get along with these people, you're screwed on Earth. And if you're screwed, we all are." He waited. I know he wanted me to answer, but I just couldn't. Or wouldn't. If I went back in time, I'd probably say something.
Ralph sighed and stood. He walked to my door. "I've known you long enough to know when you're awake. I hope some of what I said makes sense to you, at least. Just one more thing to think over while you lay here sulking. Your mother and father risked everything to have you, and sacrificed more than you'll ever understand to raise you. So did the entire crew. Is it really too much to ask that you return the favor before you set out to live your own life?"