I wanted to object, but found that I couldn't. He was being honest with me and I owed that much in return. No. Dad would not have let me know about Ashnahta unless it became necessary. Maybe not even if she lived. It took a lot of thinking and a hefty amount of traitorous guilt to admit, but Dad did not really like how close I was with Ashnahta. He liked that I was accepted. He liked that I interacted with the others. But the closer I got with her in particular, the more he'd try and talk me out of it. "She'll die and you'll still be a young man with nothing left." Dad had said it and he meant it. Ralph was right. As crummy as it felt, he was right. Dad would have given me every distraction he could think of to keep me away.
"And I'm sure you wouldn't go against StarTech orders," I said nastily. Hey, I said I did the deep thinking later. After. When I had time to cool down enough to feel like an ass. In the moment, I was a hurt kid who was lashing out.
"If you think orders had anything to do with it, then you don't know me very well at all. I didn't keep it to myself because of what Reggie said. Hell, there's a reason he doesn't put me in front of the cameras very much, ya know. They feed me, they pay me, sure. But when push came to shove, I helped make sure you were alive, didn't I? And abandoned my lifetime mission to keep you that way. You're mad. I get it. I don't even blame you. I'd be ripped, too." He gave a laugh at my look. "I was young once. I had parents. But don't be mad at the wrong thing, Jake. I made a parenting call you didn't like. It might even have been the wrong one. Who knows? But I'd always put you above anything StarTech says. Always." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Can we just...can we admit that we both screwed up and leave it at that?"
I sat for a few minutes absorbing what he said. "I am sorry I worried you," I said quietly.
He nodded. "I know. You're a good kid, Jacob. I know you didn't mean to take years off my life." He gave a slow smile, and the air suddenly felt lighter. Things were better. "You crazy son of a...if we ever hear from your folks again, let's leave out the part where you did that jump without gas. I can't believe you walked out of there alive."
I felt extremely proud. "It wasn't that bad." Okay, that was a total, flat out lie. But I earned it. I earned a little bragging. "Not much worse than a wormhole."
He snorted knowing I was full of it. "Now don't get a swelled head over it. Dumbest thing you've ever done. Hands down."
I grinned back. "I think you mean bravest thing."
He shook his head and stood. "Fine line, kiddo. It's a fine but important line." He stood for a second and seemed to be considering something. He stuck his hand out, and when I shook hit, he pulled me into a hug. "I suck at this parent thing, but by god am I glad you're safe." It was uncomfortable and yet exactly what I needed at the same time. He pulled away and turned quickly. "She in there?" His voice was tight.
So was mine. "Yep."
He walked across the hall and looked into the room where Ashnahta was sleeping. I stood next to him and we said nothing for a long time. "She looks so small here, doesn't she?" he finally said, breaking the silence. "You know, when we first laid eyes on them, I was scared out of my wits. We all were. Hell, maybe even back then we knew what it could mean."
The thought that they were anything but excitement never occurred to me. As a child watching their star shine between the towers of their castle that first day, the first contact, all of the adults seemed only to share in the thrilling adventure. "I had no idea you guys were scared."
He laughed and tapped me on the arm with his cap. "Then we did something right, anyway." He put the cap on his head. "I'm wiped." He nodded toward the window. "Don't you kill yourself making her better, you hear?" I nodded. "I'll be back down tomorrow. There's a little matter of punishment we didn't talk about."
"I'm already on punishment."
"By the boss. Now you've got mine coming." As a parent. There would be no more question about his role in my life, we'd somehow settled that. And accepted it. He broke out in a grin. "I've never gotten to dish out a punishment before. I'll have to think long and hard about it. I wouldn't want to shirk my duties, you understand." He had a twinkle in his eye and I suddenly felt the huge weight lift.
"Would you believe I already learned my lesson and will never do it again?" I asked hopefully.
"Nope. Not until my shoes are all shiny. And my laundry is done." He started walking down the hallway, calling out the list as it came to him. "And I've got some official reports to file that have been collecting dust. Oh, and there's..." the door closed behind him and the hall was silent. I waited a minute to be sure he wouldn't hear me, then laughed. I couldn't help it. I had a lot to think about. I had a lot to settle for myself. But we were back on familiar footing and the enormous weight on my shoulders was gone.
I wish Lynette's visit went as well. She waited a full day before she came to see me. It was late into the day, during Ashnahta's evening nap after her afternoon conditioning and I was shining Ralph's shoes. I half thought he'd been kidding about that. He wasn't.
The door opened and she walked in, looking around.
"Over here," I said.
She jumped at my voice, then got that angry, determined look and marched over. "Christophe let me know this would be a good time to come see you."
I stopped running the brush over the shoes, glad for the distraction. The brush was designed for use by a housekeeping drone and I couldn't seem to get a solid hold on it. Add the slippery paste, and it was an exercise in frustration. I couldn't believe people used to do that every single day for themselves. I placed them on the table and wiped my hands on a towel. "It's a great time." I tried a smile. No good. I cleared my throat and pointed to a chair. "Can I get you a coffee?"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "This isn't some friendly tea party, Jacob." The bitterness was unmistakable, and for some reason it annoyed me. I knew she'd be mad, but the level of anger was surprising.
"Are you going to sit?"
She snatched the back of the chair and pulled it to her rather than get any closer to me. She sat heavily, her arms still crossed. "I saw Marlon."
"How is he?" I already knew from Ralph, and Christophe. And from Marlon himself on my holo he hacked, but I'd be damned if I'd let anyone know that.
Lynette scoffed. "Like you care at all about that."
"Look, Lynette..."
She jumped back up, knocking her chair over. "How could you do that to him, Jake? How could you drag him into it all? You know how close they are to kicking his ass right out of here."
The insinuation that I somehow forced Marlon to do anything made me laugh. It was a bad move. Her eyes burned with anger. "I didn't make him do anything. You know Marlon."
"You paid him, didn't you?" I said nothing, not knowing how much Marlon would want me to say. She gave a disgusted scoff. "I knew it. I knew it! Money. You dangled a bit of money in front of someone who was so poor his whole life and..."
"That's not how it happened." I jumped up and pointed my finger in my own defense. I wanted to keep my own anger out of my voice but was finding it hard. That she could think that I used money to push him around...
"Then how did it happen, huh? Because I know the both of you pretty well and that's the only thing that makes sense." She began ticking her theory off on her fingers. "First off, he's not your friend, so any lie you're going to tell me about turning to a buddy in your time of need won't get you very far. Second, he's selfish, so selfish that he's not going to volunteer for anything that doesn't have a big, fat payoff just for Marlon. Third..."
This could have gone on all day. I grabbed her hand to get her attention and she quickly pulled it away. I sighed. "I didn't go to him with a job offer or anything like that. I asked him to help me figure things out."