"So you didn't pay him, is that what you're saying? Because that grin he's wearing makes you a flat out liar."
"I did pay him. Actually, he paid himself. Hacked into my account and just took the money."
Her eyes narrowed. "Are you calling my brother a thief?"
What? Where did that come from? "No, I'm fine with him taking it. But I..." Things were not going as I expected. "Look, can we just sit down?" I bent down and picked up her chair, putting it next to the table again. I took my own seat and waited. After a second she sat down, on the edge, straight as a board and still glaring at me. "I did not at all ever call Marlon a thief. He helped me, I...thanked him for it. A gift to a...a...friend, I guess."
She gave a little scoff. "I'm supposed to be your friend, not Marlon."
Ah, the crux. Her eyes weren't angry any longer, they were hurt.
"Why didn't you come to me, Jake?"
Because you spent the last couple months in some party haze and were already doing a good enough job of screwing up your place with StarTech and I wasn't going to make it worse. That's what I wanted to say. Fortunately, I didn't. "Look at Marlon. Look where he is. You think I wanted you in there?"
"They wouldn't have arrested me." She was so sure, but I wasn't and quirked an eyebrow. "Probably wouldn't have. You still should have told me," she said quickly.
"Would you have let me do it?"
"Yes," she lied. I knew it was a lie. I could see it in her eyes. Now, after the fact, she'd go back in time in her mind and play out a scenario where she'd be the hero to me, not Marlon. I knew, though. It was like an icy cold slap in the face. She would have gone to Ralph, or Christophe, or, most likely, Reginald.
I didn't blame her. She worked for StarTech. More than that; they raised her. They rescued her from her horrible home and miserable life and raised her as their own. She would always give her loyalty to them above anyone else, perhaps even Marlon. I admired that on one level. And it put a pit in my stomach whenever I thought about it on another. She would never really be my friend, or anything more. I was a job. I was the mission. I didn't know if she even understood that herself. The hurt in her eyes told me she didn't then. I wonder if she ever figured it out?
Life had gotten complicated. I missed my little tin can in outer space.
"You could have at least told me you were going."
No, Lynnie. I couldn't. "There wasn't time," I said, going along with the version of the truth she wanted.
"Alistair was very worried. We all were."
"I'm sorry I worried you."
"And no gas? Honestly, Jake, when I heard that I was convinced you had a death wish."
I grinned at her. "It'll take a lot more than that to kill me."
"Big words for a runaway."
I kept smiling anyway, a cover from the disappointment I felt. "I wasn't a runaway. I simply took my own ship on an unscheduled cruise." She didn't laugh. She didn't even crack a smile. I sighed, picked up the brush, and resumed my clumsy attempt at shining Ralph's shoes.
"You're not sorry at all, are you?" she asked after a few tense minutes of her glaring.
"I already said I was sorry for worrying you." It wasn't what she was talking about and I knew that full well.
"And are you sorry Marlon's locked up?"
"Yes." But not in the way she wanted me to be sorry. I was sorry he got caught. I was not sorry for what he did, or for asking for his help in the first place.
"You'd do it again." She said it simply, coldly, as if the words carried an awful taste. I'd never heard such condemnation in four little words before.
And you know what? Damned right I would. I'd do it again and again and again if I had to. Maybe that made me a bad person, but that's the truth of it. I didn't answer. I didn't need to.
"For her."
The way she said "her" made my fist tighten on the brush and my face flush with heated anger. "For any friend of mine."
Lynette let out a bitter sounding laugh. "Oh yeah, I'm so sure. You honestly think you'd do the same for me? Please. If that was true you wouldn't have abandoned me on Earth!"
My hand hurt it was clutched so tightly around the scrub brush.
"You don't care about us. To you we're just stupid petty pathetic little humans. None of us matters a bit compared with that...that..."
I glared at her and dared her to say it. Come on, Lynnie. Get it out so that I can rip into you and...
"Girl," she finished. I'm ashamed to say I was sorry she didn't come out with something awful.
"So you're mad that I knew a friend was in trouble and I came to help, is that it? You want me to apologize for that? Nope. Never going to happen."
"No!" she almost shouted. "I want you to look around you and see that you have friends here, friends that are...real and human and..." She was flustered and searching for the right words.
"Hungover."
Oh, don't worry. I was sorry I said it as soon as it was out. I have had plenty of time to remember that conversation, remember the look of hurt on her face...no, more than hurt. Devastation. Utter devastation. If I could take back a single moment in my life, it would be that one. Her eyes went wide and she let out a little "oh" of shock.
It took a few seconds for Lynette to compose herself. When she spoke, her voice contained all the warmth of an asteroid. "I screwed up. I admit it. I was around my idols and they made it all look so..." She shook her head. "No excuses. Maybe I'm just like my mother in spite of everything."
I felt like I'd been kicked between the legs. "Lynette..."
"But maybe I was a friend who needed something, too, Jake." She pushed back and stood up. "And it never even occurred to you to help me, did it?"
I wanted to say so much. I was sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her. I was a dumb kid who lashed out stupidly and I wished I could take it all back. She wasn't like her mother, not at all. And if she had just told me she needed help, I would have...
But I didn't say anything. I don't know why. I was stupid? I was still angry? I was just a selfish bastard who couldn't take two seconds to consider other peoples' feelings? Probably all of the above. I should have said as much and begged her forgiveness. I just...didn't. I watched her walk down the hall and sat there still staring at the door long after it closed.
I felt Ashnahta. She was awake and I knew if I looked across the hall she'd be sitting in her bed looking at me. I picked up the brush and kept my head down.
She reached out to me tentatively. Jacob?
I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her in right then. No.
I felt first the confusion, then the annoyance. I ignored both and turned my attention to the calming mindlessness of shining shoes.
Chapter 18
Reginald was back a solid week before he would see me. In fact, I saw Dr. Karl first. He arrived four days after the others and immediately came to my prison.
That's what it was. It took awhile, but Christophe's punishment eventually felt just like that. I was going stir crazy looking at the same hall, the same couple of rooms, the same little kitchette and bathroom that were highly inadequate. I had Ashnahta, which, as anyone who's been around Qitani royalty for any length of time can tell you has it's own challenges. Every once in awhile, usually late at night, my holo would beep a renegade message from Marlon. Those cheered me more than anything. They were always stupid, some kind of code maybe or just a silly break from his tedium.
Have you ever noticed that bots never piss? I think if they want them to be more human, they should have to take a piss like everyone else.
Some day I'm going to buy myself a pet. I think a dog. When I get out I'll be rich enough to pay for the fees. I've never had a pet.
Do you think Dr. Karl's hair is real? I dare you to give it a tug. Lemme know if it's a rug.