“What punishment? What are you talking about?”
“You haven’t touched me for two weeks. Come, give me one teeny kiss. Tonight we’ll sleep together in honor of your father. You can do what you want with me. What needs to be done. You’re right. It struck me today how crazy we’ve been. My fear of you, your fear of my fear… it’s no way to have a child. Come, let me kiss you. I’ll do anything.”
It’s as though he wants to step toward me but won’t let himself hanging his head. I hear singing and water running in the bathroom.
“Are you lying to me now?”
“Why would I lie to you? You can see that it’s you who’s avoiding it. That it’s you who can’t.”
“Me?” He twitches scornfully.
“Then do what you want. I won’t move. I’ll let you do anything. Come here a minute. At least let me give you a kiss.”
But he’s stubborn belligerent.
“Try me. I know I have to. Just be gentle and slow. Maybe we could work up to it slowly, night by night… Come, let me kiss you.”
I get out of bed and hug him pressing against him twining my legs about his climbing up him kissing him. The water stops running. His father calls out something. Asi pushes me away. “Set the table this minute!” He leaves the room.
The stirred eggs and rice were delicious I couldn’t stop praising his father. They’ve been discussing people I don’t know at first I tried listening drowsily lethargically suddenly thinking hopelessly of my story how will I ever manage to explain the girl and her motives. Thinking should I make her a primitive or half crazy to make her more credible. The doorbell rings. Asi goes to answer it. Somebody wants you. Who is it? Somebody. He has a small package. I get up and walk down the hall the little bank teller who took care of me today is standing there with the bag of cheese that I forgot. Crimson frail in love an arrow lodged in his heart he hands me the cheese so choked up I can’t understand what he says the stairway light goes off. I try touching him gently but he’s scared of his own self he retreats down the stairs hardly waiting to hear me say thank you.
“Who was that?”
“A teller from our bank.”
“That’s right, I thought I recognized him. What did he want? What did he bring?”
“Nothing. I forgot a piece of cheese there today that my parents had given me.”
“And that’s why he came? There must be something the matter with him.”
“I wouldn’t know.’’ I smile absentmindedly. “I suppose there must be. I’m not to blame for it, am I?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s used to such types all the lovesick souls who run after me but the unexpected appearance of this unobtrusive clerk has left him dumbstruck.
I lay the hunk of cheese down in the kitchen and unwrap it. Wrinkled crumbly soft and damp how hard and dry it was on the shelf in the grocery this teller has revived it with the warmth of his feverish hand. I rinse it in a dish of water. Sometimes I’m afraid of my own powers to go running at night with it to a far-off address just so as to see me again. Asi springs tensely into the kitchen and stares at the white hunk immersed in water.
“What are you going to do with that cheese?”
“Paint it, what else is it good for? It certainly can’t be eaten.”
“The worst part of it,” he whispers with sudden venom, “is this new smart-alecky style of yours… the terrible tease you’ve become. The poor kid had to drag himself all the way out here to bring you this crumbling piece of cheese… and you actually smile… you enjoy it… it’s too much, what kind of a person…”
“What?”
But he’s stalked out again.
I serve coffee and cake. His father is smoking heavily looking detachedly at the books on the shelves only half listening. I’m already so used to having him with us.
“When do you think you can see my parents? They’d like so much to meet you.”
“Of course.” He turns to Asi. “Of course I should meet them. But when?”
“Maybe tomorrow evening,” I suggest. “We can have dinner with them. Have you ever eaten Hungarian cuisine?”
“Tomorrow evening? No, tomorrow I’m going back to Haifa… I mean to the hospital… and from there to Tel Aviv. I haven’t been in Tel Aviv yet. I saw Tsvi only briefly at the airport… he’s expecting me… I really don’t know if I’ll be in Jerusalem again on this trip.”
“I’m going with you,” says Asi.
“You’re going tomorrow?” I’m thunderstruck. “Why?”
“I want to go with my father. Ya’el will come too. I haven’t been there for ages.”
“Is something the matter? Don’t you teach a class tomorrow at the university?”
“We’ll leave after it. It’s over at ten.”
“But what’s the matter? Why should you want to go all together?”
“Because we do.”
But his father abruptly bursts out:
“Kedmi insisted on going to her with the written agreement! Everything was already decided by mail… I even phoned several times from America to settle things with Ya’el… she had promised in so many words… we had talked with the doctor and invited the rabbi for next Sunday morning… and I wanted to see her before then… to say hello… but Kedmi insisted that she sign first, since she might change her mind if she saw me. Because we need her signature on the document, otherwise it isn’t valid… which means the rabbi won’t come… as it is, he’s doing us a favor. So in the end Kedmi went by himself. Ya’el wanted to join him but he insisted on going alone. You know him, don’t you? A rare specimen, always telling bad jokes, and sure that he’s the world’s leading expert on everything. And I was so out of it my first day here that I agreed. Well, it looks like he made a mess of it, because she didn’t sign. She told him she wanted to think about it…”
“To think about it?”
“Yes. All of a sudden she has to think. After everything was all settled and I had phoned all those times from America and made this trip. The rabbi even agreed to come especially with his assistants on the eve of the holiday… it wasn’t easy to get him to do it… and next Tuesday I have to fly back. I don’t know. Perhaps her feelings were hurt because I didn’t come to see her but sent Kedmi straight off with the agreement. I suppose he made some careless remark — he’s a simple man really and from a very uncultured family, even if he does have a glib tongue. So now I’m at my wits’ end. I thought that perhaps Asa and I should go see her tomorrow with Ya’el… my fears may be groundless, but still it’s better to see her… it will be good for her…”
“But must you absolutely divorce her on this trip?” I ask with soft surprise unable to comprehend all this rush.
Asi kicks me hard beneath the table. His father’s face falls growing tired and creased there’s a silent plea in his eyes.
“Yes, of course. You see, Connie… it can’t go on this way…” At a loss he looks at Asi who says nothing.
“Then maybe you can see them for a few minutes tomorrow morning.”
“See who?”
“My parents.”
“Right, your parents. I don’t know. Tomorrow morning? Will there be time? I had wanted to get something done at the university… but perhaps…”
“You won’t have time,” declares Asi drily sharply head down.
“And you won’t be back in Jerusalem?”
“In Jerusalem? I doubt it. I haven’t been in Tel Aviv yet. I have so much to do there… this visit is so short and Tsvi is expecting me. But you’ll be at the seder at Ya’el’s… we’ll all meet again there…”