— Never mind. I just wanted to give her a few examples to cheer her up. You don’t understand what this means to her. I might as well be a murderer. Her whole world has caved in. So has mine. But she’s simply being destroyed while with me something new is being born.
— Fifty? She’ll never see fifty again.
— No. The rest doesn’t matter. She started to swear at me terribly. That’s something she never dared do before. She’s always been a quiet, refined woman, she’s always borne herself with dignity even though she has no education — her parents never gave her any. She swore a blue streak and started to cry again.
— I didn’t answer back, of course. She said she’d tell her brothers. She has two of them. One is in some high legal position.
— The name doesn’t matter.
— What do you need to know it for?
— Some other time. You already know too much.
— No, some other time. Don’t make an issue of it now. Please, do me that favor.
— I know, but not now.
— No. Nothing. There’s nothing they can do. But I don’t want them to know, because from them it will get to the whole family, and worst of all, to the girls. We’ll destroy them. Give me time, I said to her, give us both enough time to catch our breaths. Then we’ll see. But you must be exhausted. Get back into bed, I’ll sit by your side…. What?
— It really interests you?
— It must seem like a joke to you. What can I do? Have a good laugh at my expense, my dear.
— No. Go ahead and laugh. Why shouldn’t you. We deserve to be laughed at. We’re another generation, a world you never knew. How old is your father?
— Going on sixty-five? Well, I’m not far from him then. And where did we ourselves come from? If my own father were alive now, he would want to bury himself. You’ll be the death of us all.
— No, don’t be angry. I didn’t mean you personally. It’s just that… even if it’s true that… that I had it in me all the time… if I hadn’t met you it would never have gone beyond a vague longing for something that I didn’t even know I was longing for. But that there could be such a passion for… that there could be this way of doing it too… that it was even possible and not just something in dirty jokes… and then all of a sudden… all of a sudden… What?
— No… all of a sudden… all of a sudden… do you hear me?…all of a sudden she wanted me to make love to her, not because she wanted it but to test me… What?
— Exactly. A provocation.
— Exactly. What?
— No. How could I? You must be joking. I said to her, I promise you tomorrow. I didn’t want to insult her, because it’s a terrible blow to the pride. And I haven’t… done it with her… for several months now… and even then it was torture too. I began to be afraid that I might think that… even… oh… that her breasts… it really frightened me. So I said, I’ll be glad to tomorrow, but tonight I’m not up to it, the theater and all your crying and our quarreling have just knocked me out. Tomorrow I’ll do my best. I tried to be gentle, because I’m sure she didn’t want to either, I just didn’t want her to feel rejected. And suddenly she believed me and didn’t say another word. I helped her into bed and hugged her. It was like she had used up all her strength and had none left, the way she fell right asleep. And then I looked in her drawer and found a photograph… one taken by the detective…
— Just a minute… Here it is…
— You didn’t notice anything? What disgusting professions there are in this world!
— I think it must be Allenby Street. Here’s that store near the branch of Bank Ha-Poalim… Do you see it?
— Yes. Absolutely. But whose arm are you holding there? Who is that man? Do I know him?
— Who?
— It’s the first I’ve heard of him. Who is he? Look how he’s clinging to you!
— No. Not especially. It just seems strange to me, to see him holding on to you like that in the middle of the street.
— No. I mean in the street. It’s just that… how long have you known him? Does he have a family?
— No. I meant a wife… children… you never mentioned him to me. I was wondering who he was. Do you see much of him? Where does he work?
— Not especially. But it makes me clutch a bit. I don’t know why. Just some damn silliness. Suddenly to see a new face with you in a picture. I must be awfully on edge.
— I don’t want anything from you. It’s just that suddenly I… you know… I feel jealous… I just do. Please forgive me, Tsvi… my dearest… my love… I know it’s ridiculous… but I couldn’t fall asleep… suddenly I felt afraid of you…
— No… yes… afraid… don’t laugh…
— No. But to do nothing but think about you all day long goes against all my beliefs… and yet I can’t help it… you have a kind of power… sometimes it’s diabolic…
— No… I beg your pardon… no… please try to understand… I beg your pardon. And then there’s the money that I’m giving you. It frightens me too…
— I didn’t even mention it until now, did I?
— No, but did I? Tell me.
— On the contrary. What frightens me is how much I wanted to let you have it.
— What kind of a loan? Tsvi, my dear, you know you’ll never return it.
— No. Deep down I know you won’t.
— Fine, so you will. It doesn’t matter…
— You will, never mind… it’s not that. I’m just asking you to be careful with me. I’ve fallen into such a bottomless pit… and I don’t know if it isn’t too much for me. This whole country is too much for me. Just don’t destroy me… No… Don’t make me want you too much… it’s too dangerous. Let me go at my own pace. I can’t afford to be enslaved to you. I have a home… children… responsibility… and you’re an old hand at all this…
— No. Of course it’s not your fault. But I feel you’re an old hand… you may be young, but you’re very experienced…
— No. Forgive me… it’s just that, I’m telling you… that the boundaries… and I’m a child next to your experience… the boundaries are all gone… it’s like a wall has fallen inside me… there aren’t any rules anymore. And I’m afraid to ask too much, because the more I’ll know, the more frightened I’ll become. Who would have thought a few months ago that I could be jealous of you? I thought it was just some sexual adventure… a little bit of action… but it’s already gone far beyond that. If it hadn’t, everything would be all right now… but I fell for you… and now I want you locked up in a room…
— I swear I don’t know. I’m attracted to your whole family by now. I was very pleased that you took me to see your mother in the hospital. It touched me that you weren’t ashamed to let me see her or the two of you together. Your whole story… you know, your father intrigues me too… what’s happening to me? Have I fallen in love with you? Can that be? Tell me, you know better than I do. I know I’m not your first… maybe you even have a few other Refa’el Calderons in a few other banks… can that be? You’re killing me. What do you want from me? Is it just the money? Tell me. You can’t just say nothing now. And don’t smile…
— No. Inside you. I feel that you’re laughing at me all the time there.
— It’s crazy for me to be talking like this. And it’s almost morning.
— Right.
— But how did you spot me? Flow did you know? You only saw me once or twice in the bank, and you already knew that I had it in me. And then when we went out for lunch you put your hand on my pants with such assurance. How did you know? I’ve already asked you that, but you’ve never really given me an answer.
— No, no, I won’t bring that up again.
— Yes. I beg your pardon. I’ve gone too far.