Fromkin waved it away. "He respected you for killing that fourth Chtorran. He told me so. In fact, he authorized your bounty check Sunday morning, just before the session."
"Bounty check?"
"Don't you know? There's a one-million-casey bounty for every Chtorran you kill. Ten million if you capture one alive. You're a millionaire now. Twice over. I'll authorize your second check. I'm taking over certain responsibilities for the Agency. That's why you and. I are having this chat."
"Oh. Are you my superior officer now?"
"Let's just say I'm your, ah, liaison."
"With who?"
"You don't need to know their names. They're the people who worked with Uncle Ira."
"The same people who decided I should be killed?"
Fromkin exhaled in quiet annoyance. He folded his hands into his lap and collected himself. He looked me in the eye and said, "You need to understand something about that. Yes, you were supposed to die. The people you work for made that decision."
"Nice people," I said.
"You'd be surprised."
"I'm sorry, they don't sound like the kind of people I want to work for. I may be an asshole, but I'm not a stupid one."
"That remains to be seen." Fromkin went on quietly, "Until Sunday afternoon, as far as anyone could tell, you were a liability. Nobody figured on you bringing that Chtorran down. I admit it, I'm still surprised-but when you did that, you stopped being a liability and started being a hero. You're an asset now, son. Sunday's pictures demonstrate that a human being can stop a Chtorran. The world needs to know that. You've become a very useful tool. We want to use you-if you're willing to be used. The earlier decision is inoperative now. You can thank Dinnie for that. She bought you enough time so we could come to that realization. Hm," he added. "We may have to recruit her."
I didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry. I said, "That's all I am? A tool? You can tell them I'm grateful. I hope I can do the same for them sometime."
Fromkin caught my sarcasm. He nodded in annoyance. "Right. You'd rather be right. You'd rather exercise your righteousness."
"I'm angry!" I shouted. "It's my life we're talking about! That may not mean much to you, but being eaten by a Chtorran could ruin my whole day!"
"You have every right to be angry," Fromkin said calmly. "In fact, I'd worry about you if you weren't, but the thing you need to get is that it's irrelevant. Your anger is your business. It means nothing to me. So handle it so you can get on with your job." "I'm not sure I want the job."
"You want to kill Chtorrans?"
"Yes! I want to kill Chtorrans!"
"Good! We want you to kill Chtorrans too!"
"But I want to trust the people behind me!"
"Jim, stop taking it personally! Any of us-all of us-are expendable, if it will bring the rest of us closer to the goal of stopping the infestation. Right now, our problem is the resistance of every person who doesn't see that the Chtorran problem is the overriding one-especially those who are entrusted with the responsibility for handling this circumstance. They're in the way. If they're in the way, they have to be moved out of the way. So don't get in the way. And if you do, don't take it personally."
"I think that makes it even more horrifying," I said. "The sheer callousness of it."
Fromkin was unimpressed. "Oh, I see-your ideals are more important than winning the war. That's too bad. Do you know what a Chtorran calls an idealist? Lunch."
I glanced at his uniform. "Is that an enlightened position?"
"Yes," he said. "It is." He didn't expand on it.
I said, "You still haven't answered my question."
"Sorry. Which one?"
"What was the justification for wanting me dead too?"
Fromkin shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You looked like a liability, that's all. I told you, don't take it personally."
"Is that it?"
"Uh huh." He nodded.
"You mean it was just calmly decided-just like that?"
"Yep."
I couldn't believe it. I began to splutter at him. "You mean to tell me that you-and Colonel Wallachstein-and Major Tirelli-just calmly sat around and decided my death?"
He waited till I ran down. It was a long wait. Then he said, "Yes -that's exactly how it happened. Calmly and unemotionally." He met my furious stare with an unashamed expression. "In the same way that we calmly and unemotionally decided to turn the Chtorran loose on a roomful of our colleagues. In the same way that Duke calmly and unemotionally decided to handle that little girl in the brown dress. Yes, I know about that too." He added, "And in the same way that you calmly and unemotionally decided to handle Shorty and that fourth Chtorran. There's no difference, Jim. We just left out some of the hysteria and drama. But otherwise, there's no difference, Jim, in what we did and what you did.
"You accepted the responsibility when you accepted that flamethrower in the first place. The truth is, the things we did that you don't like are really the things you did that you don't like. Right?"
I had to admit it.
I nodded. Reluctantly.
"Right. So give the people around you a break. It isn't any easier over here. We just don't have to be drama queens about it. So you can spare me your goddamned self-righteousness! If I want to be beaten up, I can do it far better than you can! In fact, I already have. I know the arguments-better than you, probably! You think I haven't gone around this bush myself a few times?"
"I hear you," I said. "It's just-I hate the way I've been treated."
"I got it," Fromkin said. "And that's understandable. The fact of the matter is, the agency owes you several dozen apologies-we owe you more than we can ever repay. But would it make a bit of difference? Or would it use up time we need for more immediate problems?"
I stopped the anger I was building up long enough to look at his question. No, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. I looked at him again. "No, it wouldn't."
"Right. What we did was wrong. You know it. We know it. We thought it was necessary-and the fact of the matter is that we never expected to have this conversation. But now we've got it and it's my responsibility to clean up the mess-so consider it an acknowledgment of the contribution that you've made that I'm taking the time. So pay attention. I have a job for you."
"Huh?" I sat up straighter in bed. "That's it? That's how you say thank you?"
"That's right. That's how we say thank you. We give you another job."
"Most people at least say, `Attaboy. You done good.' "
"Oh," said Fromkin. "You want me to pat your fanny and blow in your ear first, is that it?"
"Well, no, but-"
"-But, yes. Listen, I don't have time to waste telling you how wonderful you are-because you won't believe it anyway. If you need to be reminded, then you've got a question about it, don't you? So I'm going to give you the short cut to wonderfulness, so you'll never have to worry about that one again. Ready? What are you doing that makes a difference on the planet? That's your meter stick by which to measure your worth. Got that?"
I nodded.
"Good. Now we have a job for you. The Agency wants to put you to work. Does that tell you anything?"
"Uh, yes. It does," I said. I held up a hand for time. I needed a moment to think this through. I wanted to say it clearly. "Look, I think one of us has got to be a fool-and I know you're not. And I'm not sure I want the nomination."
"I beg your pardon?" Fromkin looked puzzled.
"How do I know you won't find me ... ah, what's the word, expendable again some time in the future?"
"You don't."
"So there's no guarantee, is there?"
"Right. There's no guarantee. You want the job?"
"No." I didn't even have to think about it.