When they were a block from home, they could see a figure sitting on their porch swing. She recognized him in a second, and her chest burned. Kelsey’s mother and father passed him on their way inside, without a word, but Kelsey stayed.
“Hi, Peter,” she said.
He was wearing jeans and a faded blue Kansas Jayhawks T-shirt. Where she stood, a few feet away, she could see his eyes capture the color.
“Meg gave me this,” he said, standing, and in his hands was the envelope holding her flash drive, now frayed at the edges from its journey to Afghanistan and back.
Kelsey remained quiet. She hadn’t had the faintest hope he would have seen it, and now that he had, she prepared for another wound to open. If he hated her then, he would hate her more for her delusion. And yet, nothing could keep her from wanting to pour out gratitude that he was even here, so unexpected. When you love someone that much, you don’t get to choose when or how or whether or not to stop. She had tried, but she had given up quickly.
“Did you mean all of it?” he asked.
She sighed. “Every word.”
Why was he here?
“In that case,” he said, stepping down off the porch, “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. And my mother, I’m sure she’s sorry, too.”
“Well,” Kelsey said, putting her hands on her hips, recovering from a blow that never came. “I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I’d be crazy not to forgive you.”
Peter held up the envelope, with a half smile. “You’d be crazy either way.”
“You’re crazy, too,” she said, shrugging, remembering the way she watched him lie in her lap in Snake Country, fighting battles real and unreal.
“We’re both a little nuts, aren’t we?”
Kelsey nodded, smiling, staring at the brick sidewalk below her. He touched her arm, and she lifted her head.
Peter’s face had shifted. “But we’d be worse off if we didn’t have each other. I know I’d have been worse off if I didn’t have you, no matter who you were, or were pretending to be. You made me feel brave.” His mouth twitched. “Like I could get through it.”
“And you did,” Kelsey said.
“I kept your letters,” he said, speaking quickly, nervously.
A tight smile grew on Kelsey’s face. “I dug yours out of the trash.”
“Well, thank you,” he said. “For doing that.”
“They smell like mustard now,” she let out.
He laughed loudly, surprising both of them. His eyes met hers, and then their gazes couldn’t unstick.
They didn’t speak for a while, considering each other. Music began to play from inside the house, some sort of piano. A warm gust blew around them.
“What do you think?” he asked. “Want to start over?”
Kelsey’s eyes stung for some reason, though all she felt was relief. Everything was clear, even the tears through which she saw him.
“Sure,” she said, as casual as could be.
“Hi, I’m Peter.” And he smiled his smile, holding out his hand.
“Hi, Peter,” she said, and she took it. “I’m Kelsey.”
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to my mother and father, and to all of my family and friends in the Sunflower State—Elise, Jamie, wherever you are, for making my memories of Lawrence bright and rich. To my older brother, Wyatt, for his service to our country, and for his consultation on the experience of being deployed to Afghanistan. Ian, for cheering me on as you went to bed, and again when you saw me in the same spot in the morning. Mandy and Emma, I would not be who I am if you were not who you are. A toast to the Revolver crew, who lights a fire in me whenever I see them. Thank you, Katie McGee, for being my editor and champion at Alloy, and for being the inceptor of this incredible story. Thank you to Pam Garfinkel and the entire team at Little, Brown for making all of this happen. We writers would be nothing without you.
Contents
COVER
TITLE PAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
EPIGRAPH
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2015 by Alloy Entertainment
Cover photo © 2015 by Keely Yount
Cover design by Liz Dresner
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
Lines from “And The Wind Sings Boo” from The Wish Book by Alex Lemon (Minneapolis: Milkweed Editions, 2014). Copyright © 2014 by Alex Lemon.
Reprinted with permission from Milkweed Editions. milkweed.org
Produced by Alloy Entertainment
1700 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
alloyentertainment.com
First ebook edition: July 2015
ISBN 978-0-316-28369-4
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