“If you wish,” I said, eventually, “I could go and look for Mariko. It’s getting rather late.”
“You’ll only tire yourself, Etsuko. I’ll finish packing and if she still hasn’t come back we could go and look for her together.”
“It’s all right. I’ll see if I can find her. It’s nearly dark now.”
Sachiko glanced up, then shrugged. “Perhaps you’d best take the lantern with you,” she said. “It’s quite slippery along the bank.”
I rose to my feet and took the lantern down from the beam. The shadows moved across the cottage as I walked with it towards the doorway. As I was leaving, I glanced back towards Sachiko. I could see only her silhouette, seated before the open partitions, the sky behind her turned almost to night.
Insects followed my lantern as I made my way along the river. Occasionally, some creature would become trapped inside, and I would then have to stop and hold the lantern still until it had found its way out.
In time, the small wooden bridge appeared on the bank ahead of me. While crossing it, I stopped for a moment to gaze at the evening sky. As I recall, a strange sense of tranquillity came over me there on that bridge. I stood there for some minutes, leaning over the rail, listening to the sounds of the river below me. When finally I turned, I saw my own shadow, cast by the lantern, thrown across the wooden slats of the bridge.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, for the little girl was before me, sat crouched beneath the opposite rail. I came forward until I could see her more clearly under my lantern. She was looking at her palms and said nothing.
“What’s the matter with you?” I said. “Why are you sitting here like this?”
The insects were clustering around the lantern. I put it down in front of me, and the child’s face became more sharply illuminated. After a long silence, she said: “I don’t want to go away. I don’t want to go away tomorrow.”
I gave a sigh. “But you’ll like it. Everyone’s a little frightened of new things. You’ll like it over there.”
“I don’t want to go away. And I don’t like him. He’s like a pig.”
“You’re not to speak like that,” I said, angrily. We stared at each other for a moment, then she looked back down at her hands.
“You mustn’t speak like that,” I said, more calmly. “He’s very fond of you, and he’ll be just like a new father. Everything will turn out well, I promise.”
The child said nothing. I sighed again.
“In any case,” I went on, “if you don’t like it over there, we can always come back.”
This time she looked up at me questioningly.
“Yes, I promise,” I said. “If you don’t like it over there, we’ll come straight back. But we have to try it and see if we like it there. I’m sure we will.”
The little girl was watching me closely. “Why are you holding that?” she asked.
“This? It just caught around my sandal, that’s all.”
“Why are you holding it?”
“I told you. It caught around my foot. What’s wrong with you?” I gave a short laugh. “Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not going to hurt you.”
Without taking her eyes from me, she rose slowly to her feet.
“What’s wrong with you?” I repeated.
The child began to run, her footsteps drumming along the wooden boards. She stopped at the end of the bridge and stood watching me suspiciously. I smiled at her and picked up the lantern. The child began once more to run.
A half-moon had appeared above the water and for several quiet moments I remained on the bridge, gazing at it. Once, through the dimness, I thought I could see Mariko running along the riverbank in the direction of the cottage.
Chapter Eleven
At first, I was sure someone had walked past my bed and out of my room, closing the door quietly. Then I became more awake, and I realized how fanciful an idea this was.
I lay in bed listening for further noises. Quite obviously, I had heard Niki in the next room; she had complained throughout her stay of being unable to sleep well. Or possibly there had been no noises at all, I had awoken again during the early hours from habit.
The sound of birds came from outside, but my room was still in darkness. After several minutes I rose and found my dressing gown. When I opened my door, the light outside was very pale. I stepped further on to the landing and almost by instinct cast a glance down to the far end of the corridor, towards Keiko’s door.
Then, for a moment, I was sure I had heard a sound come from within Keiko’s room, a small clear sound amidst the singing of the birds outside. I stood still, listening, then began to walk towards the door. There came more noises, and I realized they were coming from the kitchen downstairs. I remained on the landing for a moment, then made my way down the staircase.
Niki was coming out of the kitchen and started on seeing me.
“Oh, Mother, you gave me a real fright.”
In the murky light of the hallway, I could see her thin figure in a pale dressing gown holding a cup in both her hands.
“I’m sorry, Niki. I thought perhaps you were a burglar.”
My daughter took a deep breath, but still seemed shaken. Then she said: “I couldn’t sleep very well. So I thought I might as well make some coffee.”
“What time is it now?”
“About five, I suppose.”
She went into the living room, leaving me standing at the foot of the stairs. I went to the kitchen to make myself coffee before going to join her. In the living room, Niki had opened the curtains and was sitting astride a hard-backed chair, looking emptily out into the garden. The grey light from the window fell on her face.
“Will it rain again, do you think?” I asked.
She shrugged and continued to look out of the window. I sat down near the fireplace and watched her. Then she sighed tiredly and said:
“I don’t seem to sleep very well. I keep having these bad dreams all the time.”
“That’s worrying, Niki. At your age you should have no problems sleeping.”
She said nothing and went on looking at the garden.
“What kind of bad dreams do you have?” I asked.
“Oh, just bad dreams.”
“Bad dreams about what, Niki?”
“Just bad dreams,” she said, suddenly irritated. “What does it matter what they’re about?”
We fell silent for a moment. Then Niki said without turning:
“I suppose Dad should have looked after her a bit more, shouldn’t he? He ignored her most of the time. It wasn’t fair really.”
I waited to see if she would say more. Then I said: “Well, it’s understandable enough. He wasn’t her real father, after all.”
“But it wasn’t fair really.”
Outside, I could see, it was nearly daylight. A lone bird was making its noises somewhere close by the window.
“Your father was rather idealistic at times,” I said. “In those days, you see, he really believed we could give her a happy life over here.”
Niki shrugged. I watched her for a little longer, then said: “But you see, Niki, I knew all along. I knew all along she wouldn’t be happy over here. But I decided to bring her just the same.”
My daughter seemed to consider this for a moment. “Don’t be silly,” she said, turning to me, “how could you have known? And you did everything you could for her. You’re the last person anyone could blame.”
I remained silent. Her face, devoid of any make-up, looked very young.
“Anyway,” she said, “sometimes you’ve got to take risks. You did exactly the right thing. You can’t just watch your life wasting away.”
I put down the coffee cup I had been holding and stared past her, out into the garden. There were no signs of rain and the sky seemed clearer than on previous mornings.