"Martha's fine. Little Herbie had a touch of Chinese virus, and Charlotte broke a clavicle…" He went on point like a hunting dog, picked up a small tabukuk in the form of a frog-goddess, dropped it inconspicuously into his heavy briefcase.
"I heard you were going into mink farming," I said, carrying on the charade.
"Decided against it, Johnny." He checked the spice tray. "Too damned vicious; lousy example for little Lennie and Bertha and the others-" He finished the check, switched off the patter in midsentence, pocketed the spy-eye detector.
"Okay, Johnny," he said softly. "My little gem-dandy patented nose-counter says we're clean." He was looking me over with that quick glance of his that could count the pearls on a dowager's neck while he was bowing over her wrist. "Thanks for coming."
"I haven't run to fat yet, if that's what's bothering you," I said. "Now stop sizing me up and tell me what the false beard is all about. I heard you were here under an open cover as a UN medic."
"I'm afraid Mйdecin-Major de Salle attracted some unwelcome attention." He grinned. "It seems I broached security. I was advised to consider myself under house arrest; a six-footer with a sidearm was assigned to make the point clear. I ditched him in the first dark alley and faded from the scene. A schoolteacher named Brown rented the de Salle villa after the disappearance-but as Brown, I'm not free to move. That's where you enter the picture."
"Come to the point, Felix. What was so important that I had to come nine thousand miles in thirteen hours to hear? Do you know where I was?"
He held up a hand. "I know; Barnett told me you'd spent seven months in Bolivia building a cover as a disgruntled veteran of Colonna's Irregulars. Sorry and all that-"
"Another week and I'd have landed an assignment running a shipment of bootleg surgical spares-"
"The frozen kidneys will have to wait for another time." He showed me a Mephistophelean smile. "What I have is far more fun."
"The suspense is unnerving me. Go ahead and spill it."
"All right. Let's begin with the world situation."
"I'd prefer a more cheerful subject-like cancer."
"We may get to that, too, before this one's over." He hitched himself forward, getting down to business. "For most of the last century, John, the world has been at war. We haven't called it that, of course-nobody's actually used nuclear warheads. These are nothing but 'police actions,' or 'internal power realignments,' like the current rumble here in Algeria-maneuvers with live ammunition. But while the powers are whetting their claws on these tupp'ny-'ap'ny shooting matches, they're looking hard for a weapon that would give one state a decisive advantage. In the meantime-stalemate."
"Well," I said, pushing back my chair, "that was mighty interesting, Felix. Thanks for letting me know-"
He leaned across the table. There was a merry glint in his eye; he looked like a devil planning a barbecue.
"We've found that weapon, John."
I settled back into my chair. "All right, I'm listening."
"Very welclass="underline" Super Hellbombs are out. The answer lies in the other direction, of course. A crowd of infantrymen killing each other isn't war-it's good, healthful sport-just the ticket for working off those perfectly natural aggressions that might otherwise cause trouble. But what if a division or two of foot soldiers suddenly became irresistible? Impervious to attack, deadly on the offensive? Your cosy little brushfire war would turn into a rout for the unlucky side-and there would go your power-balance, shot all to hell-"
"How much better can hand-weapons get? The Norge Combat Imperial weighs six pounds and fires a hundred armor-piercing rounds per second. It's radar-aimed and dead-accurate-"
"I'm talking about something new, John. We call it PAPA-Power Assisted Personal Armament. What it means is-the Invulnerable Man."
I watched Felix swallow half his drink, put the glass down, and sit back with his fingertips together, waiting for my reaction. I nodded casually.
"That's an old idea," I said carelessly. "I used to follow Batman and Robin myself."
"This isn't a Tri-D drama-it's a coordinated development in bioprosthetics, neurosurgery, and myoelectronics. Picture it, John! Microtronics-engineered sense-boosters, wide-spectrum vision, artificially accelerated reflexes, nerve-energy laser-type weapons, all surgically implanted-plus woven-chromalloy body-mail, aligned-crystal metal caps for finger-bones, shins, ribs and skull, servo-boosted helical titanium fiber reinforced musculature-"
"You left out the fast-change long-johns with the big red S on them. You know, I always wondered why Clark Kent never got himself arrested in an alley for indecent exposure."
"I had a hand in its development myself," Felix went on, ignoring me. "And I can tell you it's big. You have no idea-"
"But I'd like to have," I cut in. "Especially an idea of what it is I blew a year's work to hear."
He nodded. "I'm just coming to that. For the past six months I've been here in Tamboula, carrying out a study of battle wounds-data we require in the further development of PAPA. And I've turned up a disquieting fact." He poked a finger at me for emphasis. "The number of men reported 'missing in action' amounts to nearly twenty percent of the total casualties."
"There are always a few reluctant warriors who go over the hill."
"Not in the desert, John. I went on then to take a look at civilian missing-persons figures. The world total is close to the two million mark annually. Naturally, this doesn't include data from China and India, where one less mouth to feed is noted with relief, if at all. And the Society of American Morticians and Embalmers reports that not enough people are being buried…"
"I can tell you where part of them are going," I said. "The black market in human organs."
"Yes." Felix nodded. "Doubtless that nefarious trade accounts for some of the discrepancy, particularly in burial figures. But suppose someone were building up a secret force-and outfitting it with an enemy version of PAPA?"
"You can't hide men in those numbers," I said. "The logistical problems alone-"
"I know; but the men are going somewhere. I want to know where."
"I'm afraid I'm beginning to get the picture."
"You still hold your reserve Army commission, I take it?"
I nodded.
"Good. I have your recall orders in my briefcase. They're perfectly legal; I made them myself. You're a Defense Department observer. I've arranged for you to occupy one of our special rooms at the King Faisal."
"I thought CBI assignments were on a voluntary basis."
Felix raised the white eyebrows. "You are volunteering, aren't you?"
"I suppose the fact that I'm here answers that one."
"Of course. Now, there's a battle scheduled soon. I haven't been able to find out just when, but I did procure copies of the Utter Top Secret battle plans for both the Free Algerians and the Imperial Moroccans. Death penalty for possession, of course." He took a newspaper from an inner pocket-a folded copy of the Belfast Messenger-and dropped it on the table.
"What am I supposed to do, stand around on a hilltop with a pair of binoculars and watch where the men disappear to?"
Felix smiled. "I have a few gadgets for you to field-test. Find out when that battle's scheduled, and I think you'll be able to take a look at just about whatever you want to."
I took the newspaper. "So I'm back in uniform. I suppose I'd better check in with the UN Monitor General."
"Send a card over; perhaps it'll pass unnoticed in the daily mail. I want you to hold your official contacts to the minimum. Stay clear of the Embassy, the police, and the press corps. Your other instructions are within your orders. You'll find a tight-band communicator with the rest of the equipment; keep in touch with me, John-but don't try to contact me at the villa unless it's absolutely necessary."