I turned so suddenly to Devin that his eyes grew panicked.
“What?” he said. “What is it?”
“The waterfall. We have to go to the waterfall. That’s it. That’s the place where I’ll find Asher. I know it.”
“Where is it?” Devin asked slowly, as if he could sense that this last place was different from all the others.
“I—I don’t know.”
On earth, actually. Far, far away.
Asher had deliberately not told me where. He thought I might go looking for it. Well, he was right. That’s what I was about to do.
On earth—but where? Someplace hidden away from human eyes, someplace special and powerful. A small corner carved out of the natural world, humming with magic. I just had to follow my heart.
“Can I just show you one thing?”
“Of course,” I said.
We were at the top of a huge cliff. Water spilled down over the side in huge, driving waves, pounding into a whirlpool below.
“Do you like it?” Asher asked.
I squeezed his hand. “You made this for me?”
“I made it because I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
I tried to remember how we’d gotten there. We were inside, on the couch, and then he asked if he could show me something. And then suddenly, there was this cold mist, and we were standing on a cliff overlooking the waterfall. I’d thought it was in these woods, but now I realized exactly where he’d taken me. He showed me something only he could reveal, that was accessible only through the depths of my emotions for Asher. A place that exists in the placeless, and a time in the timeless.
“The Rebellion camp,” I said out loud.
“So follow your heart,” Devin urged me. “That’s the only way.” He took my hand. “I’ll be there with you.”
There was something I wasn’t remembering. My heart sank as Ardith’s words from the first time I woke up in the cabin flooded my brain.
“If she does wake up, her powers will be much too unstable. They’ll collide with so much chaos. It could destroy us. Or her.”
“Devin,” I said. “It’s not safe for me to go there. My powers mixed with the Rebel chaos—it’s too volatile.”
He shook his head. “You’re more controlled now. You can do this.”
“Wait.” Panic began to rise up in my throat. “What if I’m not? What if it kills me?”
Devin looked at me sternly. I should have known that as a teacher, he never took no for an answer. “If you can’t do this,” he said sharply, “then you’re certainly not ready to fight a war.” His blue eyes sparkled. “Now.” Daring me to be great. “Are you ready?”
I had lived for so long by staying in perfect control, keeping my feelings in check, closing myself off, not allowing myself to fall. And my life was planned down to the smallest detail. I knew exactly where I wanted to go to college, and what I needed to do to get myself there. Everything was perfect. But in perfection, I didn’t feel alive. The only time I truly felt my blood pulsing through my veins was the time I spent on the slopes with the wind in my hair.
That was true, anyway, until I realized who I really was.
Until the first time I kissed Asher.
Now, I knew how it felt to let someone in, to really live. The only way to do that was exactly what I’d been avoiding—to fall and let it happen. I had to find him, and then, I had to let go of everything that held me back. This was one thing I couldn’t control.
Astaroth said that love was my weakness. It would get me killed.
If I had to choose between love and life, I knew I would choose love. I would choose love every time, even if it killed me. If it meant finding a way to be with Asher again.
I slipped my hand into Devin’s. “I’m ready,” I said.
25 
The wind picked up around us, whipping my hair into my face. I could feel the sun grow brighter, hotter, and the scent of pine trees grow so strong, so intense, that I felt almost faint from the overwhelming sharpness of it.
“What’s happening?” I whispered out loud.
It was blinding, sweltering, and I was dizzy, weakening, falling to my knees.
And then suddenly everything was still. The air was cool and dry. The scent of pine gave way to something earthy: rocks and dirt and sand.
I opened my eyes.
I was in the desert. The air was arid, the sky a faded violet, as if the sun had just finished setting but was still throwing off light from below. The moon rose in the distance. A coyote howled somewhere, far away or very close by. It was impossible to tell. For a second, I felt an intense pang of vertigo, and the desert pitched before me. The rocks turned to sand, and then rocks again. The plants sprouted shoots, bloomed, and withered, went through an entire life cycle all in the span of seconds.
The landscape was changing before my eyes, every second—all I had to do was blink.
Where am I? I breathed deeply, trying to catch my balance. My blood felt slow and fast at the same time, cold and hot. I put a hand to my neck. My skin was feverish but cool, slick with sweat but dry.
As I stood there, the night sky fell around me like a veil, dark and velvety. Stars scattered across the dome of space, cosmic glitter.
I took it all in. It was late afternoon just minutes ago. Time moves differently here.
As I walked, signs of the desert materialized around me. Sand dusted up beneath my feet, scattering on the wind. Fuchsia night blooms opened like secrets. Invisible insects chirped and whirred. A snake uncoiled from underneath the low, dry brush, rattling its tail at us as we passed.
I reached a spot where a syringa tree twisted up from the earth before my eyes, roots churning and rolling, and just past it, a flat, smooth rock stretched out under the night sky. I looked up at the blanket of stars.
“You made it,” Devin whispered beside me. “Welcome to the Rebellion. A pocket of time and space that’s folded in on itself. Ever-changing, ever-evolving—pure chaos. Impossible to describe, or pin down on a map.” He looked around, as if he’d been a Rebel all his life. “Impressive, isn’t it?”
The darkness in me began to stir, the chaos outside me pulled at the chaos within. I felt strange and lightheaded.
“I don’t care,” I said. “I just have to find him.”
Silver liquid thrummed through me, fast and light, then slow and thick, then quick again. The night air around us rustled, and suddenly I felt my wings burst from my back, catching the moonlight in folds of silvery feathers and throwing it onto the sand before us.
Something was changing. Tiny pinpricks of light winked across the nightscape, growing bigger as the light shifted. Despite the desert heat, a chill ran through me as I realized something. They weren’t growing bigger. They were getting closer.
I covered my head and ducked as meteors hurtled down around us, the rushing of burning rocks almost unbearable in my ears. Amid the flashes of light and dust and fire and rocks I shielded my face. I faltered.
Trust yourself.
It was so much easier said than done. But if I was going to find Asher, if I was going to keep my friends safe and my mind calm and clear, if I was going to be a leader, I had to trust myself.
And so, I looked up again at the sky, shielding my eyes from the falling debris. The silver flowed through me, pulsing, alive. It had a mind of its own, as if the energy around me was controlling my powers. I closed my eyes and tried to harness it somehow, to keep the power at bay.