I sat down on the balcony and tried to think. I hollered for the robot, "Eye-gor!" It rolled up quickly, its eyestalks swiveling, and announced its presence with a three-note whistle that sounded like a question mark.
"Scotch. Straight up. A double-no, make it a triple. And stand by for refills."
It beeped affirmatively and rolled away. Apparently, Lizard didn't like her robots to talk. Some people did. My father had once said you could tell how emotionally starved a person was by the degree to which they anthropomorphized their robots.
I studied the looming mountains. They were black against the starlit sky. Where was Lizard now, I wondered? How long until the mountains burned?
How long until the nuclear wrath devoured the night?
I wondered, what had the president really unleashed tonight? With this single irrevocable action, what was she actually saying about the invasion and our ability to resist it?
It was more than just a statement of commitment. It was an acknowledgment of the scale of our enemy. It was an acknowledgment of the size of the war.
The robot returned with my drink riding on its "head," one clawlike hand holding it steady. It looked like a little Portuguese washer woman.
I took it and turned back to the mountains. I felt like I was waiting for the end of the world.
I didn't want to believe it.
And I was impatient for it to happen.
I wondered, how will the people react? And what happens next?
What will I do? I had no place to go. I was looking for my death when Lizard found me.
Would I go with her now? Lizard. Oh, God.
I remembered what I'd said to her. "It'll take a nuclear weapon get me out of your bed."
I remembered the look on her face. Ashen.
That's what she was afraid of. Would I still love her? Oh, God
I thought about the target site. There were human beings there. Probably children.
And worms. Lots of worms.
They'd be incinerated. All of them. Blinded, blasted, and burned. The sky would flame. I knew what would happen. I'd seen the pictures. Everyone had. We'd been reliving the Apocalypse war for twenty years. That was supposed to remind us what would happen if we failed to keep the peace.
I knew the horror.
The light. The blast. The firestorm. The radiation. The death.
I thought about the land we'd flown over.
A hundred thousand worms would die tonight. And how many human beings?
I remembered Marcie. And Delandro. And Alec and Tommy and Holly.
Fuck the renegades. They deserved what they were going to get.
No responsible human being should be in a worm camp anyway.
Kill them all. Let God sort them out.
The sky to the west turned white. Bright white. It could have been lightning, but it wasn't.
I stood up.
There was silence for the longest time.
And then the sound came rolling down from the mountains. It was a sudden soft thump, and then a rumble that rolled forever. It rattled the windows and grabbed you by the bones. It shook the floor and turned your knees to jelly.
Somewhere below, I heard cheering. I sank back into my chair.
I was still sitting there when Lizard returned. The sky to the west was pink. Somewhere on the other side of those mountains, a forest was burning. It looked like dawn.
67
The Woman Who Dropped the Bomb
"Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I remain convinced that Man is the missing link between apes and civilized beings."
-SOLOMON SHORT
I heard her come in.
I still didn't know what I wanted to say to her.
I put the empty glass down on the table next to me-how long had I been holding it?-and stood up to face her.
She looked terrible. "Are you all right?"
She nodded. She waved at the robot. "Eye-gor, make me a Poison Apple."
We stood and looked at each other. I didn't know if I should go to her. She didn't know if she could come to me.
"It wasn't. . . ." She swallowed and started again, "It wasn't anything like I expected. It was very odd." For a moment she looked very fragile. "It was . . . so easy. The computer beeped and I pressed the release. I felt the plane jerk when the bombs fell away. There were two of them. They were shaped warheads, designed to spread the blast sideways. They were supposed to go off simultaneously. I guess they did, I don't know.
"I don't know what I expected. I almost forgot to climb. Those were my instructions. Once the bombs are away, stand the bird on its tail and climb. The blast caught me from behind. It threw me across the sky. The whole sky was white. I've never seen anything like it-"
She stopped and steadied herself. Eye-gor rolled up with her drink. It was tall and red and bubbled and smoked. Dry ice at the bottom? Lizard sipped at it.
She caught her breath and continued talking, as if she hadn't stopped at all. "The sky looked like it was on fire. The clouds boiled away in seconds. Just in the heat of the blast. I don't know what the videos will show. I didn't stay to look. I got out of the plane, I debriefed-I told them what I just told you, there's nothing else to tell-and then I came home. I didn't know if you'd still be here."
"I told you I would." She started shaking.
I took a step toward her, but she held up a hand to stop me. "Jim-I've just dropped the first nuclear weapons that the United States has used in war in almost a century. All my life, I've been taught that only a madman would use nuclear weapons. All my life, that's been the single most unforgivable sin. That's how we survived the Apocalypse crisis-by disavowing nuclear war. The whole planet swore never again. Never again. And I'm the one who broke the vow."
"You're not the only one."
"I dropped the first two bombs, Jim-"
"Elizabeth!"
She looked up, startled.
I said, "What if I had dropped those bombs instead of you?"
"I would hate you now," she said. "I would hate anyone who would do such a thing."
"So you think now that I have to hate you?"
"Don't you?" She gulped her words out.
"No. Because I would have dropped those bombs if I could."
"No. . . ." She shook her head. "No one wanted to drop those bombs. They gave me the job because . . . because they hate me. "
"They gave you the job because they knew you could do it!"
"I hate them," she said, "for doing this to me. I hate them almost as much as I hate myself for doing it."
"You did it," I said, "because it had to be done."
"Goddammit! Don't you think I know all this? I was in the air an hour each way. Don't you think I've been over all this already myself? Quit trying to make it better!"
"Goddammit yourself!" I screamed right back. "You asked me if I could still love you! Well, I still do! So what the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know-but quit trying to be so goddamn supportive! I hate people being supportive! I hate it!" She threw her glass at the wall. It shattered in a bright red stain. Eye-gor beeped and started picking up pieces. Lizard started screaming at the robot. She started kicking it. It started making little squeaking sounds. They sounded like whimpers.
"Lizard!"
"Leave me alone! Let me have my tantrum!" She kicked Eye-gor again. It toppled over and lay where it fell, its wheels spinning wildly. It began making that awful "robot in distress" shriek. She kept on kicking and banging it with her fists.
"Lizard! Those robots are expensive! And hard to replace!" I came up behind her and grabbed her by the waist and by her left wrist. She would have tipped me over her right shoulder, but I was ready for her. I twisted her left arm back-she broke free and punched me in the stomach; I was already dodging sideways and she hit my rib cage instead of my solar plexus. I hooked a leg around her calf and toppled her backward-she pulled me with her. I hit the bed and rolled. She came down on top of me-