He waited while that sank in.
I am not going to tell you first, he said, what I am attempting to do as an undercover officer engaged in tracking down dealers and most of all the source of their illegal drugs in the streets of our cities and corridors of our schools, here in Orange County. I am going to tell youhe paused, as they had trained him to do in PR class at the academywhat I am afraid of, he finished.
That gaffed them; they had become all eyes.
What I fear, he said, night and day, is that our children, your children and my children Again he paused. I have two, he said. Then, extra quietly, Little ones, very little. And then he raised his voice emphatically. But not too little to be addicted, calculatedly addicted, for profit, by those who would destroy this society. Another pause. We do not know as yet, he continued presently, more calmly, specifically who these menor rather animalsare who prey on our young, as if in a wild jungle abroad, as in some foreign country, not ours. The identity of the purveyors of the poisons concocted of brain-destructive filth shot daily, orally taken daily, smoked daily by several million men and womenor rather, that were once men and womenis gradually being unraveled. But finally we will, before God, know for sure.
A voice from the audience: Sock it to em!
Another voice, equally enthusiastic: Get the commies!
Applause and reprise severally.
Robert Arctor halted. Stared at them, at the straights in their fat suits, their fat ties, their fat shoes, and he thought, Substance D cant destroy their brains; they have none.
Tell it like it is, a slightly less emphatic voice called up, a womans voice. Searching, Arctor made out a middle-aged lady, not so fat, her hands clasped anxiously.
Each day, Fred, Robert Arctor, whatever, said, this disease takes its toll of us. By the end of each passing day the flow of profitsand where they go we He broke off. For the life of him he could not dredge up the rest of the sentence, even though he had repeated it a million times, both in class and at previous lectures.
All in the large room had fallen silent.
Well, he said, it isnt the profits anyhow. Its something else. What you see happen.
They didnt notice any difference, he noticed, even though he had dropped the prepared speech and was wandering on, by himself, without help from the PR boys back at the Orange County Civic Center. What difference anyhow? he thought. So what? What, really, do they know or care? The straights, he thought, live in their fortified huge apartment complexes guarded by their guards, ready to open fire on any and every doper who scales the wall with an empty pillow-case to rip off their piano and electric clock and razor and stereo that they havent paid for anyhow, so he can get his fix, get the shit that if he doesnt he maybe dies, outright flatout dies, of the pain and shock of withdrawal. But, he thought, when Youre living inside looking safely out, and your wall is electrified and your guard is armed, why think about that?
If you were a diabetic, he said, and you didnt have money for a hit of insulin, would you steal to get the money? Or just die?
Silence.
In the headphone of his scramble suit a tinny voice said, I think youd better go back to the prepared text, Fred. I really do advise it.
Into his throat mike, Fred, Robert Arctor, whatever, said, I forget it. Only his superior at Orange County GHQ, which was not Mr. F., that is to say, Hank, could hear this. This was an anonymous superior, assigned to him only for this occasion.
Riiiight, the official tinny prompter said in his earphone. Ill read it to you. Repeat it after me, but try to get it to sound casual. Slight hesitation, riffling of pages. Lets see Each day the profits flowwhere they go we Thats about where you stopped.
Ive got a block against this stuff, Arctor said.
will soon determine, his official prompter said, unheeding, and then retribution will swiftly follow. And at that moment I would not for the life of me be in their shoes.
Do you know why Ive got a block against this stuff? Arctor said. Because this is what gets people on dope. He thought, This is why you lurch off and become a doper, this sort of stuff. This is why you give up and leave. In disgust.
But then he looked once more out at his audience and realized that for them this was not so. This was the only way they could be reached. He was talking to nitwits. Mental simps. It had to be put in the same way it had been put in first grade: A is for Apple and the Apple is Round.
D, he said aloud to his audience, is for Substance D. Which is for Dumbness and Despair and Desertion, the desertion of your friends from you, you from them, everyone from everyone, isolation and loneliness and hating and suspecting each other. D, he said then, is finally Death. Slow Death, we He halted. We, the dopers, he said, call it. His voice rasped and faltered. As you probably know. Slow Death. From the head on down. Well, thats it. He walked back to his chair and reseated himself. In silence.
You blew it, his superior the prompter said. See me in my office when you get back. Room 430.
Yes, Arctor said. I blew it.
They were looking at him as if he had pissed on the stage before their eyes. Although he was not sure just why.
Striding to the mike, the Lions Club host said, Fred asked me in advance of this lecture to make it primarily a question-and-answer forum, with only a short introductory statement by him. I forgot to mention that. All righthe raised his right handwho first, people?
Arctor suddenly got to his feet again, clumsily.
It would appear that Fred has something more to add, the host said, beckoning to him.
Going slowly back over to the microphone, Arctor said, his head down, speaking with precision, Just this. Dont kick their asses after theyre on it. The users, the addicts. Half of them, most of them, especially the girls, didnt know what they were getting on or even that they were getting on anything at all. Just try to keep them, the people, any of us, from getting on it. He looked up briefly. See, they dissolve some reds in a glass of wine, the pushers, I meanthey give the booze to a chick, an underage little chick, with eight to ten reds in it, and she passes out, and then they inject her with a mex hit, which is half heroin and half Substance D He broke off. Thank you, he said.
A man called up, How do we stop them, sir?
Kill the pushers, Arctor said, and walked back to his chair.
He did not feel like returning right away to the Orange County Civic Center and Room 430, so he wandered down one of the commercial streets of Anaheim, inspecting the McDonaldburger stands and car washes and gas stations and Pizza Huts and other marvels.
Roaming aimlessly along like this on the public street with all kinds of people, he always had a strange feeling as to who he was. As he had said to the Lions types there in the hall, he looked like a doper when out of his scramble suit; he conversed like a doper; those around him now no doubt took him to be a doper and reacted accordingly. Other dopersSee there, he thought; other, for instancegave him a peace, brother look, and the straights didnt.
You put on a bishops robe and miter, he pondered, and walk around in that, and people bow and genuflect and like that, and try to kiss your ring, if not your ass, and pretty soon youre a bishop. So to speak. What is identity? he asked himself. Where does the act end? Nobody knows.
What really fouled up his sense of who and what he was came when the Man hassled him. When harness bulls, beat cops, or cops in general, any and all, for example, came cruising up slowly to the curb near him in an intimidating manner as he walked, scrutinized him at length with an intense, keen, metallic, blank stare, and then, often as not, evidently on whim, parked and beckoned him over.