I have to say that Kansas is very flat. And very uniform. Mile five looked just like mile five hundred and five, and the only thing that changed was the fact that we lost the music radio stations about halfway across the state. That left us with only the news chatter one, and after more tales of woe-everything from floods to wildfires to revolutions-Marty reached over and snapped it off. All that remained was the sound of Duke snoring, and the engine growling.
Finally, the silence became unbearable, and Will broke. “So, how do you almost become a priest?”
Cam stuck his finger in his book so he could answer. “Well, I was about two weeks away from taking my vows, and I realized it just wasn’t for me. I still believe in God, but… I wasn’t meant for the priesthood. I told them so, and I walked away.”
“So what do you do now?”
Cam actually hesitated a moment before answering. “I handle acquisitions for the library system.”
Will turned all the way around in his seat, almost getting choked by the seat belt to do so. “Wait, wait… You’re a librarian?”
“Well… sort of.”
We tried. I’ll swear on anything you like, we really did try. But Marty broke out in snickers first, which set Will off, and then… Yeesh. Just so you won’t think we’re all heartless bastards, Cam laughed right along with us.
“Yeah, it sounds a bit… lame. But I do like my job.” He shrugged and grinned a little.
“There’s things to be said about doing a job you love, no matter what anyone thinks.” Everyone agreed with me there, and the awkwardness seemed to ease in the truck. Will grilled Cam about things you should never ask a virtual stranger, and I went back to staring out the window at the mountains on the far distant horizon.
They looked murky, a deep purple pall settling over them despite the scorching sunshine. They were brooding, like I had been all summer.
I wondered what mountains had to brood about, and rubbed the lingering ache in my right leg. The hike up the mountain was going to be the first real test of my newly healed self. I wondered which of us was going to win.
“Dude, will you snap out of it?” I flinched, but it didn’t keep me from getting hit in the face with a piece of ice from Will’s cup. “Geez, you’d think somebody died.”
Goose bumps sprang up along my arms and my stomach gave a painful wrench. Something cold and slimy slithered down my spine, and it had nothing to do with Duke and his saliva problem. “Don’t say stuff like that, man. Not cool.”
Will seemed to realize he’d overstepped, and the smile in his eyes faded behind his round glasses. “Sorry, dude. My bad.” Great, now I felt like I’d kicked a puppy.
The others, at least the ones who knew me, took the conversation in a new direction and left me alone. The goose bumps refused to fade, and despite the sweltering heat, I found myself rubbing the chill out of my arms several times. Something had shifted, and not in my favor.
I stared at my own blue eyes in the window’s reflection, and I saw lines around them that were only recent additions to the topography of my face. A few white hairs in my reddish beard stubble caught the sunlight and gleamed like beacons. There was a tiny scar on my cheek, one that would fade with time but for now was pink and shiny. My blond hair, pulled back in a ponytail like always, seemed to be receding just slightly. That could have been my own vicious imagination, though.
It was my eyes that kept my attention. They were haunted eyes, hunted eyes. They said that something, somewhere, was out to get me. I knew that just as surely as I knew the sun would set tonight. The only two questions that needed answering were when, and how many of the people I loved were going to get in the way?
Dammit, Jess, you’re doing it again. In my own constant state of worry and paranoia, I’d blown the guys off almost all summer. I knew this. I had been a crappy friend for months. (We’re not even going to talk about how frustrated Mira was with me.) I had been hoping that this camping trip would make up for some of it, but my innate sense of impending doom said otherwise. I should have stayed home. I just knew it.
I didn’t realize my hand was clenched into a fist until Cole touched me and I jumped. He gave me a look, but didn’t say anything. He understood, at least better than anyone else in the car. He was a cop; they dealt with life and death on a regular basis. And he knew demons. If anyone in the world was going to know how I felt, it was my baby brother. After a moment, I nodded slightly. I would try to relax. I’d promised.
I caught Cam-short-for-Cameron watching the silent exchange from the other side of the car. The rest of the way to Colorado, I felt him glance at me from time to time, trying to figure me out.
Good luck, buddy. Better people have tried and failed.
6
The last outpost of civilization before we headed up into the mountains was quite a ways west of Fort Collins, Colorado, and consisted of a small grocery store proudly named Ericson’s. Marty knew the owner, and that’s where we’d be parking the Suburban before heading out on foot.
As everyone ducked inside the store for last-minute supplies, I snuck around the corner to call home one last time before I lost my cell signal farther up the mountain.
Mira answered on the second ring. “Hello!” There was water running in the background. Doing dishes, maybe? Laundry? I couldn’t help but try to picture what she was wearing today, how she had her hair done. Okay, I’d been gone twelve hours, and I missed her already.
“Hey, baby.” I leaned against the side of the store, gazing at the state of Colorado spread out all hazy clear to the distant horizon. “We’re getting ready to head up the mountain, and I wanted to give you a call before I left my phone here.”
“Well, we’re fine. Esteban’s mowing the yard and Steph took the kids to the movies, so I’m getting some paperwork done for the shop.”
“Oh.” That made me sad, actually. For some reason, I’d really wanted to hear my daughter’s voice. “Well, tell Anna I love her, okay? When she gets back.”
“I’ll do that.” She paused a moment, and I could picture her chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully, her green eyes dark. “Jess, are you okay? You sound a bit off.”
“Yeah… same shit, different day.” She knew what I was talking about. Lately, we’d been having rather… energetic discussions about my life outlook. “I fell asleep in the truck on the way out, and the dreams came.”
I heard her wince on the other end of the line. “Screaming?”
“No, thankfully. But didn’t make for a happy road trip.” I rested my head against the side of the building for a moment. “I’m trying, baby. I really am.”
“I know. And it’s okay. You’ll have fun and maybe you’ll be feeling more like yourself at the end of the week.”
“I hope so.” At this point, I was starting to wonder about seeing a shrink, and for me, that’s saying something. “Listen, if you need anything, call Ivan. Or Avery. The numbers are in my notebook.”
Avery Vincent, the champion out of San Francisco, could be on a plane and in Kansas City before anyone could find me in the wilds of Colorado. At least, that’s what I told myself.
“I know, Jess. We went over this like fifty times. We’ll be fine. You guys just watch what you’re doing, and don’t fall off a cliff or anything, okay?”
There was a squawk of indignation around front, and I peered around the building in time to see Duke tangle his leash around Will’s legs and send him sprawling off the wooden porch. Once downed, the big dog proceeded to try to drown his victim in wet slobbery kisses, despite Will’s vain attempts to shove the mammoth mutt off. “Maybe you should do some of that voodoo you do so well? I think we’re gonna need it.”
She chuckled. “Will’s hurt already, isn’t he?”
“Not yet, but he’s working on it.”