I browsed for a while. The place was very orderly, broken into sections, with historical romance and Harlequin romances and other women’s paperback pulp dominating; the mystery section was in the back, and I found a copy of one of my books there, personally inscribed to somebody at some book-signing I’d done — glad to see my personal touch had meant so much. I also found a couple first printings of Mickey Spillane and Roscoe Kane paperbacks, picked ’em up. Everything within a given section was in alphabetical order; O’Hara was doing a good job with the little shop — it was hardly the jumble many such paperback exchange shops are — and his hippie roots were only showing here and there, such as in the extremely left-wing political section. Those roots were especially showing in the poetry section, where prominently displayed among Yeats and McKuen were several chapbooks by J.T. O’Hara, published by Toothpaste Press of West Branch, Iowa. The newest was entitled A Shroud for Aquarius. I thumbed through the little book, found the title poem, next to a grainy sepia photograph of a sun going down, or maybe coming up.
That almost rhymed, but I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to. I didn’t know whether it was a good poem or not (though I might venture a guess: not) but at least I could tell what it was about.
I carried a copy of A Shroud for Aquarius up to the counter, along with my Spillane and Kane, dug six bucks out of my billfold; the sale of his own book perked J.T. O’Hara up. So did the odd literary company I’d placed him in, I think. He put the literary magazine he’d been reading face down on the counter, fanned open to where his place was.
“Mickey Spillane and I seldom find the same readers,” he said, slate eyes coming alive, sliding the books into a used paper bag, “but I salute your catholic taste.” He was my age though his crow’s feet were deeper. It’s not that I look young for my age — it’s just that he didn’t. The full but carefully tended beard could not hide deep lines, and gray freely mingled with the brown of his hair and beard. He was an old hippie, all right, but he did not have the drugged-out, burnt-out look in his eyes that normally characterizes the breed.
“I found the title poem very interesting,” I said.
“Really? Not much of a poem. Something I scribbled off.”
“Why would you name the volume after what you see as one of your lesser poems?”
He shrugged; he was my size but skinnier, and looked frail — shrugging seemed a risk. “The editor at Toothpaste Press suggested the title for the collection. Said it summed up what all the poems in the volume are about.”
“The end of the sixties, you mean.”
His eyes brightened further. “Right. The dreams that didn’t come true. The idealism that turned to ash.”
“Those were the good old days, by your way of thinking.”
“Sure! Never better. Something was in the air.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Pot smoke.”
“Mallory,” he said, standing. Eyes narrowing. “I didn’t recognize you at first.”
“What gave me away, finally?”
“The cynicism. You’re here to talk about Ginnie, I suppose.”
“Yes I am. I’m surprised you recognized me at all. We only met a couple of times.”
“Ginnie spoke of you often. You were her best friend, growing up.”
“I always thought of her as my best friend,” I admitted. “It’s nice to hear that she felt the same about me.”
“You really loved Ginnie, didn’t you?”
He meant “loved” in the sixties sense; he knew there’d never been anything romantic between us.
“Yes I did,” I said. “Even though we drifted apart.”
He smiled; his teeth looked a little bad. “Not everybody was able to love Ginnie. She had her faults.”
“She had a tongue like a knife,” I said.
“You’re a poet yourself,” J.T. said, “albeit of the Raymond Chandler school. My memories of Ginnie’s tongue conjure rather more lyrical images than a blade. But I’ll grant you her temper could slash you.”
“Did her temper ever slash you?”
He risked another shrug. “From time to time. The sort of wounds that don’t ever heal completely; but neither do they debilitate.”
“Why did you live apart?”
“Why did we live together?”
“Because you loved each other?”
“A reasonable assumption.”
“J.T.,” I said, “we’re alone here. There’s no one else in the store. You don’t have to talk in circles. Life isn’t a poem.”
“But it is poetic.”
“Justice is, sometimes — not life. If you still loved Ginnie, and she still loved you, why didn’t you stay together? When did you split, exactly?”
He sat back down. “Two years ago.”
“Why?”
“I loved her too much to be a part of it.”
“A part of what?”
“Her life. And I didn’t want Mal to be part of it, either.”
He meant their four-year-old daughter, Malinda; I knew that was what he meant almost at once, but hearing the name attached to Ginnie’s child jarred me, just the same.
“You didn’t want... Mal to be part of Ginnie’s life... in what way, J.T.? The gambling? The crazy trips to Vegas and Tahoe?”
“No. I didn’t like that much, but she was her own person, she could do as she liked.”
“What bothered you about Ginnie’s lifestyle, then? What was it that a free spirit like you couldn’t handle in a free spirit like her?”
“I don’t think I care to talk about it.”
“What if I told you Ginnie may have been murdered.”
He flinched, then smiled — not a convincing smile, but a smile. “Life isn’t a mystery novel.”
“I disagree.”
“A mystery, yes. A mystery novel, no.” The smile curled into a sneer, emphasized by the mustache of his beard. “I don’t remember liking you much, Mallory. Your cynicism always rubbed me the wrong way. Out of respect to Ginnie’s love for you, I won’t throw you out bodily, but will just ask you to go.”
This guy could not throw a puppy out of this place bodily. Putting on my best cynical smart-ass smile, I leaned on the counter with one hand, with the other giving him the peace sign; he gave me half of the peace sign in return.
I ignored that. Said, “Was Ginnie involved with drugs? Is that why you didn’t want your little girl around her?”
“Just go, Mallory.”
“Talk to me, J.T. Help me find out why Ginnie is dead.”
He slammed a fist down on the counter; the Denver Quarterly jumped. So did I. I didn’t expect this power from such a frail-looking man, or this rage from so laid back a source.
“She’s dead,” he said, spitting words like seeds, “because that time is dead, because those days are over.”
I laughed at that, though without much humor. “She isn’t dead just because the sixties are dead. She’s not an image in one of your poems, or a symbol in one of my novels, either. She’s a person who was murdered, shot in the goddamn head, J.T.! And I want to find out who did that so the state can serve up some old-fashioned justice, poetic or otherwise.”
He swallowed. “Can I get you some tea?”
“Sure.”
“What kind?”
“The kind you don’t smoke.”
He smiled at that, just a little, and put a kettle of water on the hotplate that rested on the chugging air conditioner. He dropped in a tea bag. He turned and looked at me; his gray eyes seemed very, very old.