The Goose Goes Inn with several cars collected and some guests throwing snowballs one of which caught Smith between the shoulder blades making a round white blot on his coat as he climbed the hollow wooden steps. His dispirited nature and oblivion drew some comments about the fellowship this time of year of some people wasn't worth mentioning. Inside, the Christmas tree, tinsel and strains of music of the modern yule variety from the cocktail lounge. Crossing the lobby for the key.
"Sir there have been three phone calls."
"I'm not in to anybody."
"Not to anybody. They said it was urgent and tell you soon as you got in."
"I'm going for a nap."
Worried looking receptionist. Don't worry, it's just Shirl who thinks I may be wiring instructions to my bank where they've got all my legal tender neatly stacked from which they take and send a handful often to Shirl. She's afraid she might have to sell her horse and the kids' ponies, cut down the guest list, summer itineraries. While I sit in that box with my secretary's exboy-friends spying from buildings across Golf Street. Opening letters of obnoxious intimidators. Sure, go ahead, buy that fabric with the lunch look, get a dinner, breakfast, any look you want.
Sadly Smith derobed. Plunging into a steaming shower to unfreeze the muscles and bones. And put a face to the showering water and breathe it up the nose. Feel it cascade off the privates so lonely these days. Only thing bright about climbing into this afternoon bed is the red underwear. To sleep, lay with a hand outstretched on the pillow, open, palm upwards, will someone's head lie back in it, tighten a fist up in the brown thatch. Can you ever go back to bodies where you've been, once you've left. Count the cherries in the bowl and see if I've got the most. Join hands while music plays. See summer lanterns burn the fireflies. Or walk by an autumn river, stand against a tree just seeing each other in the ordinary afternoon. You make a baby. Then you can't sleep at night. Go to a park bench for two years to catch up. Another baby comes. Finally one day you can breathe. And these former babies tell you stop breathing.
Smith rolled over, pulling up the crisp sheets. Digging toes down. Self employed slave. Shirl never made me masterful. If anything she's contributed to my cringing. Dazzling crowds in train stations the tanned beauty in white linen suits while I was just walking along behind looking like her employee. Telling me to do the right thing so people will be impressed. No one could take their eyes off her eyes, her legs, hair and I started grabging on all sides. Goodnight now. And hello. I see a woman walking along a road wearing nothing but a cardboard sign which she's showing me and it says be my valentine. And jumping into a fast car, making for the highest hill, I erected another sign which you can see for miles around and it said, in no uncertain words, you bet.
The phone by George's bed was ringing and ringing. It's dark. Must be late. Grab this ringing thing. Just pushed my glass of water over. I can't face turning on the light. O.K., what is it, phone, what are you going to tell me out of that black hole.
"Mr. Smith."
"Yes."
"Sorry to disturb you but there seems that there is a Mrs. Smith—"
"No calls from Mrs. Smith, please."
"But she's not calling, Mr. Smith."
"What is she doing."
"She's smoking and having a drink."
"You've just woken me out of a sound sleep to be flippant."
"She's in the lobby. Said she'd stay till I got you."
"Tell her to go away."
"Mr. Smith I'm afraid you'll have to do that yourself."
"Tell her to come up."
"Yes."
God here I am in the red underwear inviting disaster and laughs. Better to face this situation stark naked. She'll wonder what I'm doing in bed at eight thirty in the evening, my life, my body, I'll put it in bed whenever I want. Second thoughts which I'm making first again, I'll leave on the red underwear. What am I, unclothe myself just to suit her. Come to show me the gold slippers. Just tell her simply, the checks are still going to come, O I'll keep pouring the money in, keep those little kids healthy so they can tell me to my face that I am a big unwholesome cad. This is new, a discreet knock.
"Come in."
"George, may L"
"You may."
"No light."
"I know."
"Where are you George."
"In bed."
"Can't we have some light."
"No."
"Well can I come in."
"Come in."
"Should I close the door."
"Close it."
"Is it all right with you if I sit down."
"By all means. There's a chair three paces to your right."
"Thank you George."
"Any time."
"I've got it."
"Good."
"Can I talk, George."
"Sure."
"You know what I want to say, George."
"Beep beep."
"What's that funny noise you're making."
"You mean, beep beep."
"Yes, beep beep."
"O that's just beep beep."
"Sounds strange coming out of the dark."
"Beep beep."
"George."
"Yes Shirl."
"George."
"I'm listening Sha."
"I sound so loud in the dark."
"Beep beep."
"Don't do that George. Please."
"Beep beep."
"I know I deserve it George."
"Deserve what."
"Beep beep."
"Beep beep."
"George are we cars."
"You said it."
"I wanted you to see my gold slippers George."
"Too dark."
"Yeah. But do you want to feel my gold slippers."
"Stand back."
"I know I deserve it George. Do whatever you want to me."
"Pretty risky talk."
"I want to be risky."
"What are you doing Shirl."
"I'm undoing."
"Beep beep, I'm a car."
"This is the way we used to be, George."
"I've just stopped for traffic lights."
"Are you sitting up George."
"I'm waiting for the lights to change."
"And we should have been like this more often. Don't you think, George."
"Beep beep, I'm going again."
"Should we have a crash."
"Are you suggesting I'm not a careful driver."
"No George."
"Well watch it, beep beep."
"I can see you George. I can."
"He he. I can you too, Shirl."
"We've wasted so much time, George, haven't we."
"Don't drive your car too close."
"I want you to crash into me."
"Safety first."
"George."
"What are these Shirl."
"Feel them."
"Wow."
"Feel this."
"What is this Shirl."
"This is what I want you to feel."
"I'd be a fool to feel it."
"Be a fool and feel it."
"What a foolish feeling."
"Just because you're feeling foolish."
Reach out a hand to help. It's only polite. And she puts up her wrist and a hand softer than I ever thought it could be. This holiday in the country in the red underwear. O I raged. Of course I was insulted. How did she get over to the bed, in just the gold slippers. Climb right up on top and sit on it like a flagpole. I was thinking of just going into the village to buy a soda. Miss Tomson please don't go loose and lax at the holiday house party, all yule and yessy. Or engage with the empty balled vice presidents. What right have I to persist, I daren't even call you Sally in my dreams. Just press my face into Shirl's headlamp. Most comforting thing you can do. I hate cars. But amazing the lies you get up to in order to bring upon complete delusion. She's just come here like this to use me. Not for my personality but my organ.