“Kate, I have no idea what to say,” Quinn said. “I lost my parents, so I know what it feels like.”
“No offense,” she replied and looked back in the direction of her mother’s grave. “But it’s not exactly the same. Your parents died and it’s a tragedy. They were young, you grieve, but you can tell people about it. They can help you. But who helps you when your mother is murdered and the killer is still out there? You can lie, certainly, but that feels like a betrayal. You can tell the truth, but then you can’t just leave it at ‘murdered’ really. It is something that begs for more background.
“So you push it away, because it isn’t something you want to talk about. And pretty soon your mother isn’t dead anymore, she has been systemically erased. I saw photos of you with your Mom and Dad at your apartment. I have almost none. She died when I was 12 years old-late enough that I can still remember her, but it’s fading. If you don’t talk about someone, they fade away like an old photograph."
“I’m sorry,” Quinn said again.
“So you can see why I was a little upset with the Holden plan,” Kate said and laughed. It was not a pleasant sound.
“I can,” he said.
“I’m not the only one who will be,” she said. “There are more people than me who would just as soon the entire affair stay buried. And that’s the real thing. Because Loudoun associates that stupid holiday with the sick bastard who killed people, they can’t help but think of him when you start trying to get them to celebrate it.”
Quinn was not so sure. Maybe she was right, or maybe it was time for people to move on. For them to see that Halloween didn’t equal a literal bogeyman. But he did not think now was the right time to debate this.
They had walked to the edge of the graveyard, where they had sat nearly a week before. It felt like longer ago, Quinn thought. A breeze came across the pond and made him shiver.
“My dad and I left not long after,” she said, looking at the pond as well. “And I really never thought I would be back. My life felt like it began at age thirteen and that was that. Some people asked about my Mom, of course. But nobody knew. It was easier to let them think that maybe she had abandoned us. Of course, it never occurred to me I would head back here.”
“Then why are you here?” Quinn asked.
She laughed again and turned to look Quinn in the eye.
“That’s the thing, Quinn,” she said. “I really don’t know.”
She walked forward and found the bench to sit down.
“I was there, you know,” she said.
“Where?” he asked and sat down next to her.
“I was in the house when he murdered my mother,” she said calmly.
“My God,” Quinn said.
“I didn’t know it, of course,” she said. “But he did. He knew I was there.”
“How?” Quinn started.
“I remember the whole day,” she said and her eyes had a distant look. “It was a Thursday and Mom was supposed to be home. The front door was wide open. I yelled upstairs for her, but she didn’t respond. In fact, I thought maybe she was out, that the door had just been accidentally left open.”
“But it wasn’t,” Quinn said.
“No,” she said. “Her keys were on the table. And the mail was scattered there. I remember I glanced at it to see if there was anything for me. But did I know something was wrong? No. I just shut the door and yelled for Mom again.”
“I heard nothing. But I was a little worried. I started to climb the steps. I thought maybe she was in the bathroom or something and couldn’t hear me. I got to the top and called again and still didn’t hear anything. It was then I thought something was wrong. I can remember the hairs standing up at the back of my neck. But I was twelve and I didn’t listen to my instincts. I called her again.”
“I walked down the hallway to my parents’ bedroom. Then there was a large crash and I turned and ran right to it. It sounded like something had smashed in my room. I was so startled I actually went to look in there and saw that the lamp next to my window had fallen. The window was open and the curtains were swaying in the breeze. The next part I remember in slow motion. I looked out to see a figure run around the side of the house. I think I screamed. I don’t remember.
“But what I saw clearly in my mind was that the front door was still unlocked. I had shut it, but I hadn’t locked it. In my head, I could see it swinging open again and maybe him coming back up the stairs.”
“Jesus,” Quinn said, but Kate did not seem to hear him.
“But he had already done what he came to do,” she said. “I didn’t know that. I actually ran into my parents’ room as comfort. I thought I would be safe in there. It didn’t occur to me…”
She stopped and looked at Quinn.
“At that age, you feel immortal,” she said. “But more than that, your parents seem immortal too. They will always be there to help you, to rescue you. They will know what to do.”
“I know,” he said.
“And I just thought-I’ll be safe in there,” Kate said and looked away again. “I remember I could not move fast enough. In my head, he was coming through the door, on his way up the steps, and my feet were made of concrete. I walked into their room and I saw her…I thought she was alive, Quinn. I didn’t know. She just seemed to be staring at the ceiling. But then I saw the blood and I…”
“It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to finish.”
“I think I do,” she said. “I’ve never talked about it. Not with boyfriends, friends, therapists-even my father. I wouldn’t. But the truth is that I don’t remember much else. There was blood everywhere. I don’t know why I hadn’t seen it when I walked in. I know I screamed. I screamed for days, it felt like. He’s coming back, I kept thinking. He’s coming back for you. I went to the phone and somehow there was blood on my hand. I thought it was mine, I didn’t know…”
She stopped and took a long breath.
“I made the call, but didn’t see it,” she said.
“See what?” he asked gently, when she stopped again.
“The note,” she said calmly.
“Lord Halloween’s calling card,” he said, mostly to himself.
“Yes,” she replied. “But I didn’t know that. How could I? My parents had kept any news of the murders as far away from me as they could. I didn’t know what I was looking at. I can still see it in my mind. I’m scared out of my mind, dialing 911 and there’s this post-it note stuck right by the phone. I didn’t even think about it. I was screaming into the phone to the operator and then I read it.”
She stopped again and Quinn felt compelled to ask.
“What did it say?”
She looked at him.
“It said, ‘ Happy Halloween. Your father can’t protect you and you are now on my list. Like mother, like daughter. See you soon, Trina.’”
“My God,” he said again.
“He even knew her name for me,” Kate said. “I still don’t know how he knew that. She was the only one who called me that. Everyone else called me Kate, but my full name is Katrina, and she said Trina.”
“What did you do?” he asked.
“I screamed some more,” she said. “The operator had no idea what was going on, but they sent the police. I didn’t wait for them though. I was certain he had come back in, that he had been waiting for me to find the note. Even then, with my mom’s body a few feet away, I started thinking in terms of my own survival. The police found my mother with little difficulty. But it wasn’t until one of them checked the attic later that they found me. When the cop came up, I felt certain it was him. I started screaming as soon as he saw me and it took my father picking me up before I stopped.”
“Jesus,” Quinn said.
“My whole world shattered,” she said. “I sometimes wonder who I would have been if that day had never happened. I see her sometimes-in my mind-this different woman who thinks about a career and a life. But you never know, do you? It wasn’t just my mom’s murder, of course. That would have been enough. ‘See you soon, Trina.’ That was what did it.