It wasn’t the horror of Melangell’s sightless eyes that I was remembering, it was the moment when Aisling held me and I’d noticed that his eyes were empty, as if pieces were missing. Aisling had been trying to gain a kiss through his veil. The Goddess had come to me, and there had been no warning in my mind. No caution about touching Aisling. Was I sidhe enough to bed Aisling, veiled or unveiled? Or was it more simple than that? True love was supposed to be proof against Aisling’s magic. Was I in love enough to resist? And was the risk of Aisling’s body worth the chance to avoid whatever scheme Taranis had in store for me?
“If you do not get into the bath soon it will begin to grow cool,” Kitto said.
I hugged him, and he hugged me back. “Kitto is right. Galen and I need to get clean.”
“Then have sex,” Galen said.
I smiled back at him. “Yes, then have sex.”
“And Nicca, as well,” Doyle said, “so he will be free to go to Biddy.”
I nodded. “I’ll give them the bed. The first time you have sex with someone shouldn’t be in a bathtub, it’s too awkward.”
“You’re going to have sex in a bathtub with a six-foot-tall man with wings.” Rhys grinned and shook his head. “I think I want to watch this.”
“You must include Royal,” Nicca said.
“I haven’t forgotten him,” I said. “We just didn’t need him taking all our news back to his queen.”
“He will spy for Niceven,” Frost said.
“I’m aware that Royal’s first duty will be to his own queen and court.”
“Your bedroom is crawling with wingless demi-fey,” Rhys said. “It’s like an infestation.”
“Queen Niceven doesn’t want Meredith to feed any one demi-fey too many times in a row,” Doyle said.
“I do not want to share her bed with the demi-fey,” Frost said.
“Oh, Frost,” I said.
He held up a hand. “I’m not saying I won’t, but I don’t think any of us want a demi-fey with us every time we make love.”
“Your bath is going to get cold,” Kitto said again.
I stood up, and started peeling off the bloody clothes. “Everybody who isn’t getting in the tub, leave. The night isn’t getting any younger.”
Frost winced. “Will that make time speed, or slow?”
“I forgot,” I said, with my shirt in my hands, and the bra still to go. “I just forgot, it’s an expression.”
“You cannot afford expressions,” Doyle said.
“I’ll do my best, but it’s almost impossible to watch every word you say.”
“You must try, Meredith, you must try.”
“Let’s find out first if the goblins and the sluagh are moving at human time or our time before we panic Merry,” Rhys said.
Doyle nodded. “Take some men of your choosing and go.”
“Why am I the one who keeps having to go back and forth in the snow?”
“Death does not feel the cold,” Doyle said.
“No, but neither does the dark, and you get to stay nice and warm.” He went for the door. “I’ll leave more men than I take. This is more spying than fighting.”
“But you might need to fight,” Doyle said.
“Take at least two others with you,” I told him.
“Aye, aye, Cap’n.” He did a mock salute, then walked out.
I looked at Frost and Doyle, still standing on either side of the door. “Unless you’re staying to watch, it’s time to thin the number of people in here,” I said.
“Do you wish an audience?” Doyle asked.
The question caught me off-guard. I actually thought about it, then shook my head. “No, not really.” I looked at him, studied that dark face. “I didn’t know you enjoyed watching.”
“I don’t. Very few among the guards enjoy voyeurism.”
“The queen beat it out of us,” Galen said.
Doyle nodded. “Almost literally.”
“I, for one,” Frost said, “do not wish to watch whether you will it, or no.”
“I would never ask anything of you, Frost, that I thought would hurt you, not if I had a choice.”
He started to get offended, or to pretend he didn’t understand me, but then his face softened, and he even gave a little smile. “I know you would not. It is not Galen and Nicca with you tonight that bites at me. It is the demi-fey. I do not like him. I do not like a princess of the sidhe having to use her body as a bargaining chip.”
“Frost,” I said, going to him, “a royal woman’s body has been a bargaining chip for thousands of years. At least I’m not bargaining myself away in marriage. That might be my fate if I were human.”
“Married to that… thing.” The look on his face was so shocked it was funny. I laughed, I could not help myself. He jerked as if I’d struck him.
I touched his arm, but he pulled away. I’d had enough. “First, the demi-fey are a part of this court. The way the sidhe treat them, the way everyone treats them, is a disgrace. They are either part of us or they are not.” I watched his face close down, watched that sullen arrogance close around him, but I didn’t stop just because his feelings were hurt. I couldn’t afford to keep stopping every time he got his feelings hurt, it happened too often. “Second, I’m tired of your acting as if your blood and body are too precious to be bargained with. I put my flesh and blood up for grabs a lot for you, all of you. You won’t feed anyone. You won’t even let a single demi-fey watch. Rhys won’t let goblins touch him, or the demi-fey either now.”
“He fell to the power of Sage’s glamour,” Frost said. “He will not risk it again.”
“Fine, but I’m risking it. Galen has more reason to be afraid of the demi-fey than either Rhys or you, and he’s going to do this for me, for us, tonight.” I moved closer to him, but didn’t try to touch him. I didn’t want to see him pull away. “I know you covered my body with yours, that you offered your life for mine today. But so did Galen. He nearly paid with his life tonight, yet here he stands ready to let a demi-fey touch him.”
“What do you want of me?” Frost asked.
“I want you to stop pouting about me sharing myself with the lesser fey, when you won’t let your so-white flesh be touched by them. I want you to stop making me feel as if I’m the whore and you’re too good for it.” I realized I was angry, really angry. But it wasn’t Frost I was angry with, I was just angry. And I hadn’t been able to be angry at the people I most wanted to be angry with, so suddenly this unreasoning anger flared. My skin ran hot with it, making me glow through the dried crust of blood and gore.
I stepped back from him. “I am tired, Frost, and there is still much for my body to do tonight. By our bargain I must be with Royal, in some way. By the queen’s order I must be with Galen and Nicca tonight. And one other green man before dawn finds me.” I thought about it. “I need to bed Sholto before we go to the goblin court tomorrow night so we can count on the sluagh as our allies.” I shook my head. “I did it again, didn’t I?”
“Before dawn finds you,” Doyle said, “yes.”
“But there is too much to do, and the clock starts ticking again at dawn.”
He nodded. “I would offer my blood in your place if it would satisfy Niceven.”
I smiled at him. “I know you would, but the demi-fey don’t seem to like you. Later, when we have the time, I’d like to know the story behind that.”
“No,” Doyle said, “you will not like the story, and I will not like telling it.”
He looked so solemn, almost sad, that I touched his arm, and said, “Unless I need to know it, you may keep your secret feud with Niceven’s court a secret.”
“Would you really let the little fey touch you?” Frost asked.
Doyle looked at his friend. “Yes, if it was necessary.”
“How can you let those things touch you?”
“How can I ask of the princess what I would not give myself?” Doyle said.
Frost bent his head, eyes closed. He took in a lot of air, as if he were trying to get enough breath for some long, deep dive. His breath came out in a shaky rush. He opened his eyes, and they were raw with emotion, like grey wounds. “I would never ask of you a thing that I would not do myself, Meredith. I am sorry.”