Snape merely waited.
"It's embarrassing, I guess. It's kind of mental. No, scratch that. It's completely mental, so no wonder I'm going to counselling and all. But I haven't stuck myself since summer started, you know. So I figure I'm over it, mostly, and there's no reason to talk it over, you see?"
Snape gave him a steady, unwavering look. "Being over it, as you put it, would be a good thing if that were really true."
"It is really true!"
Still, that look that made Harry feel like his soul was on display. But no attempt at Occlumency. That was good, at least. "It's true that you haven't used a needle, or scratched yourself, since term ended, I think. But is it true that you haven't been tempted, Harry?"
Harry felt his face going a bit hot. He cleared his throat. "Um, well... er... sometimes I sit out under that big tree by the fence and wish I could. I... I don't know. It hurt, a lot, but there was something about it that just..." He shrugged, unable to really explain.
"It's an ongoing issue for you. Something like that would have to be," said Snape calmly. "So think again about your friends, and consider what your instincts are saying."
"What's the point of telling them about a thing like this?" Harry asked, frustrated. "I don't want people to know! I didn't even want you to find out, but then I realised I really did need some help, so I had to tell you. But I'm getting help, now, and things are getting better, so--"
"We just discussed the fact that Draco is beginning to more openly share his biased world view with us, Harry. He's letting us see who he really is. Don't you want your friends to truly know you? Not your reputation, but you, flaws and all?"
Harry started twisting his fingers together as he sat there. "This isn't the same as Draco's thing. He thinks his strange ideas about Muggles are perfectly reasonable, right? So no wonder he's willing to throw them about more, now that he's feeling more like we'll stick by him no matter what. But I know I'm wrong to do a thing like this to myself. And anyway, why would I want people to know I'm a nutter?"
Snape reached out and covered Harry's hands with his own, his gentle touch so warm and firm that Harry stopped fidgeting. "You aren't a nutter."
"I meant, they'll think I am! Who wouldn't?"
"Do Draco and I think that about you, hmm?"
"Well, no..." Thinking about that, Harry managed a weak smile. "Um, you know, for all Draco's faults, he never once has said anything like that to me. And he could have, you know. Could have used it to score points during one of our arguments. Could have cut me off at the knees."
Snape's fingers squeezed slightly. He didn't say anything, but Harry knew what they both were thinking. That Draco really did love him, even if he didn't know how to show it very often.
"I guess my friends wouldn't really think I'm a nutter, either," Harry finally said, grumbling a little. For some reason, it hurt to say that. Maybe because, deep down, he thought he was one. "I mean, if they're really my friends they'll understand that things have been really... um, hard for me. Especially lately. Oh, but I don't mean you!" Harry suddenly exclaimed. "I just meant, you know, Samhain and losing my magic and being out of classes for forever and thinking I ought to feel worse about Lucius and--"
"Hush, you idiot child."
One simple sentence, and one which might have sounded critical to anybody else, but to Harry it was like a balm. "Yeah, all right. I guess my friends'll understand. "
"It's best they do. You're a young man who's had too much piled on your shoulders, from far too young an age. Which can't be undone now, unfortunately."
"Unfortunately?" Harry scoffed a bit. "If I'm the only one who can defeat Voldemort, then things just had to be the way they were, right?"
Snape met his eyes and smiled, a little wryly. "In some sense, I suppose. But I don't like to think of you that way. I'm speaking as a father now, not an Order member."
Huh. That was nice. But still... "You're both," Harry said firmly.
Snape nodded. "So, about your friends?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell them. Not that I'd know how to put it." Harry frowned. "I guess I'll figure that out when the time comes."
"How very Gryffindor of you."
Harry grinned a little. He knew his father didn't mind that so much now. Not really. Which didn't make the man any less a Slytherin himself. Actually, that reminded Harry of something. "You didn't ask Draco and not me to help you judge the ethics books just because I need time to work on my lexicon, did you?"
"No. In point of fact I'm fully capable of selecting a text, myself. I thought it might do Draco good to read them all, though."
Harry tilted his head to the side. "Why not tell him from the first that you were going to teach ethics and were looking for a good book?"
"Dr. Goode recommended that he be asked to read them without that knowledge, in hopes that he would apply the information in the books to his own life, rather than distance himself from the exercise." Snape shrugged. "When he took the assignment as though I were singling him out for criticism, I remembered what you had said, Harry. Constantly reminding Draco of his mistakes, instead of encouraging him to progress more still, is likely counterproductive. So I decided to mention the class, after all."
"He liked that," said Harry. "You coming to him for something."
"Yes. I shall have to remember that," mused Snape, his eyes looking like he was turning the idea over in his head.
"Just don't overdo. I do like him, but he's conceited enough already."
"Is he? I'm surprised you haven't realised that a good deal of that is merely a cover for his insecurities."
"Yeah, I know. But sometimes he really is conceited." Harry blinked. "Oh, God. Does your bedroom door automatically ward itself when it's closed, or is Draco hearing every word we say?"
Snape's stare was answer enough for Harry. Of course the door had wards built in.
Harry laughed softly, relieved. Then he remembered something. "Um, when Ron and Hermione come around tomorrow, do me a favour and take Draco out for something."
"Ice cream?" asked Snape, derision in each syllable.
"You really should get over that."
"Should I? To my mind, it's an indication of the kind of judgment Lupin possesses. He'll need flawless judgment in this new role he's taken on."
"Yeah, well Dumbledore's getting regular reports from him still, right?" asked Harry. "He's managed all right, so far. I bet you probably thought that Narcissa would figure it out before this."
"She probably has figured it out and is playing along for reasons of her own," said Snape darkly.
"Hey, maybe the old Lucius wasn't that easy to live with and she's happier now!"
"Maybe." Snape shook his head as though to clear it of dire thoughts. "You were saying? About Draco?"
"About taking him somewhere, just the two of you." Harry thought fast. "Oh, I know. Remember how he wanted to pick up adverts for the shows playing in London? Well, once he saw that Rhiannon girl he forgot all about it. So maybe you could pop out to get those, and take him along. I think it'd be easier to talk to my friends without him around. Especially since he knew about the needle thing before they did."
"I do believe--"
"And anyway," interrupted Harry, determined to have his way on this, "it would be another way for him to feel special, right? He needs to know he's not just some package deal that came with me, but that you love him too. And I'm sure you know I'll be safe enough on my own, as long as I stay right here on your unplottable, Fidelius-protected land."
"It's our land. But as I was saying," drawled Snape, sounding exasperated, "I do believe that's a sound idea, all around."