Kate's eyes filled with sympathy. "Too late. Tell me, how did things go at work with him today?"
Jilly blew out a long breath and briefly squeezed her eyes shut. "Awful. Awkward. Even when we were nowhere near each other, I was aware of him every minute."
"And when you were near each other?"
"Torture. My heart beat fast, my hands turned clammy, my stomach jittered, and I wanted to remove his clothes-with my tongue."
"Oh boy. You're in love all right. Bad case."
"But I don't want to be in love with him. Why did I have to fall in love with him? He's my co-worker for crying out loud. And he's bossy. You know how that irritates me."
Kate hiked up her brows. "What bossy thing has he done now? Worse than arranging the facial for you?"
"Very funny. Well, he'd obviously planned to drive me home from the resort."
"Yeah, he deserves an ass-kicking, all right."
Jilly sizzled her with a scowl. "I didn't need him to drive me. I'd already called a cab."
"All right. Did he argue with you about it? Try to force you into his car?"
"Well, no."
"What else?"
The distinct feeling that she was on the losing end of this battle eased through Jilly. "He brought me the milk for my coffee in the break room this morning," she said in a small voice.
Kate laughed, then leaned forward. "Jilly, you've been so determined for so long not to allow a man to take care of you that you've become unable to distinguish 'bossy' from 'thoughtful.' So he tries to arrange things-so what? Hasn't he also deferred to your wishes?"
She reflected for several seconds, and the truth behind Kate's words dawned like the sun rising over Jilly's head. At work, Matt was definitely a take-charge guy, and it was one of the reasons he was so good at his job. She couldn't fault him for that. And away from work, while he did exhibit take-charge tendencies, they were, as Kate said, thoughtful gestures. Romantic gestures. Polite gestures. And he had on several occasions deferred to her wishes in a very gentlemanly way.
Jilly blinked. "I think maybe I was looking for and assuming he had faults that he doesn't really have."
"Of course you were."
A sensation like air streaming from an untied balloon filled Jilly. "Well, what kind of doofus does that make me?"
"You're not a doofus. You're cautious. And in this day and age, that's a good thing."
"But I still don't want to love the guy, Kate. This affair could totally screw up my career. How can I make these feelings go away?"
"It's love, Jilly, not a sinus infection."
"Hurts just as much."
"No one said love was painless. But isn't that better than feeling nothing at all?"
"I sincerely doubt it." She blew out a long breath. "Well, I guess I have three choices." Ticking them off on her fingers, she said, "One-I can continue my affair with Matt, assuming he's willing, and let the chips fall where they may."
"Pros and cons of that?"
"Pro is I'd get to be with the man I've unfortunately allowed myself to fall in love with. Con is that when the chips fall, as they inevitably will, I'll be left with a broken heart, and an impossible work situation that could derail my career."
Kate winced. "What's choice number two?"
"Stay as far away from Matt as possible and pray that my feelings will lessen over time."
"Not to discourage you, but I don't think there's enough hours in the day for all the prayers that plan would require. What's the third option?"
"Strike up a conversation with the dark-haired Adonis at the bar and hope for the best. If he can make me forget Matt for even one minute, I'm willing to give it a try." She cracked her knuckles, rolled her shoulders, then stood. "Wish me luck. I'm goin' in."
Comfortably dressed in a beat-up Mets sweatshirt and jeans, long-neck bottle of icy beer in one hand, TV remote in the other, Matt sat in his favorite recliner and aimlessly channel surfed, trying his damnedest not to think of the one thing he couldn't erase from his mind.
He was failing completely.
He glanced at the clock: 10:00 p.m. Was she still out on her date? Probably. She was likely at some romantic restaurant right this minute, smiling at Brad the dentist. Or maybe dinner was over and they'd gone back to his place. Or her place.
His fingers tightened on the cold glass bottle, and he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile effort to banish the image of another man enjoying her company. Touching her. Kissing her. Making love to her.
Seeing her today at work had been nothing short of torture. The instant she'd appeared in the break room, he'd wanted to touch her. Throughout the remainder of the day, it had required an incredible amount of effort to get any work done. Yet even when he'd managed to do so, part of him had always been on "Jilly alert."
He heaved a long sigh and shook his head at his own folly. Clearly he harbored deep-seated, masochistic tendencies to allow himself to get involved with another coworker. How many freakin' times did he need to make that mistake?
His even bigger mistake had been his gross miscalculation in his ability to forget Jilly. Had he actually believed he could share a weekend of sexual fun and games with her, then simply place the entire affair into a neat little file labeled "over and done with"? Good God, he needed to have his head examined. Oh, he'd known some awkwardness would enter into the mix, but he'd figured they'd both just move on.
Problem was, he had absolutely no desire to move on. And he definitely didn't want her to move on. No, he sure as hell hadn't counted on feeling like this. So… dismembered. Like someone had ripped out his heart, and grabbed his soul while they were at it, then dumped them both in the East River. He thunked his head back against the soft leather headrest. What the hell was wrong with him?
I'll tell you what's wrong, his inner voice said, coughing to life, although why you can't figure it out yourself is beyond me. Jeez, for a smart guy, you've dropped the ball this time. You're in love, you jerk.
Matt's eyes popped open and he sat up as if a giant spring were attached to his ass. In love? No, surely he couldn't be that masochistically insane.
But the words you're in love reverberated through his brain like a death march, and as much as he wanted to refute them, he couldn't. He'd made the same damn mistake all over again-falling in love with a woman he worked with-a situation that had disaster written all over it. If he'd thought indulging in a brief affair with Jilly was unwise, falling in love with her took home the Olympic gold for stupidity.
He dropped the remote and dragged his hand down his face, trying to stave off the panic nipping at him. Maybe this isn't love, his brain stated hopefully. Maybe it's just a case of severe lust gone crazy.
But as much as that would offer a great relief, his heart instantly rejected the suggestion. This wasn't just lust. He knew what mere physical attraction felt like, and what he felt for Jilly went waaaaay beyond a mere wanting to get her naked-although he couldn't deny that he wanted that too.
No, there was no doubt he loved her, damn it. He'd loved Tricia, yet what he'd felt for her paled to beige in comparison to the feelings and emotions Jilly inspired. He cared for her, wanted her-both in and out of bed-with an intensity that stunned him, Jilly was simply more important than anything else.
Looking back, he realized that he'd harbored a latent attraction to her for a long time. Over the past year, he'd enjoyed their verbal sparring matches at the office, and matching wits with her over ad campaigns. Liked that the challenge of competing with her brought out the best in his work. Admired her professionalism, even though he hadn't entirely trusted her, thanks to his experience with Tricia.
But Jilly had proven her integrity and had won not only his trust and admiration, but his heart-and he had so not been looking to give that away. Especially to someone with whom he shared the predicament that one of them was going to be the other's boss.