The food, most of which has been “processed” on board, tastes pretty much like the recycled shit it is. All the movies have been watched, all the variations of relationships have been tried (and don’t worry, I’ve been a good boy, as have most of the other married folks, with a few notable exceptions), and the fact that we are both at our furthest point from Earth and about one month out from rendezvous … well, the pressure is pretty intense.
Too intense for one.
I don’t know if you remember Diane Rutherford or not. You probably know her better from her official crew biography than you do from personal experience, but I know you met her at least once—maybe at that last Windward Christmas party.
She was pretty but plain. Diane had hair that couldn’t decide if it wanted to be blonde or brown, but she didn’t care. She was smart as a whip—an electrical engineer with a Master’s from Stanford, and she knew reactor control systems like nobody’s business. Of course, with a crew as high-powered as this one, that only translated to her being one of our support personneclass="underline" an enlisted Electronics Technician First Class. Diane didn’t mind being designated enlisted like some of our crew did. She didn’t want to be an officer, and she thought being forced into the military before we left was funny as hell. She was from somewhere in the mid-west, Kansas City I think, and she was divorced with no kids, but she was really close to her dad.
I’m talking about her in past tense because she’s dead. When we reached our furthest point from Earth, at rest relative to the solar system, more than half a light-year away from home, she purposefully stuck her hands into a reactor power main bus box and electrocuted herself. We know it was on purpose because she left a note.
Diane had been depressed for months. She’d gotten more and more pessimistic about the mission’s chances, especially when we missed the second probe’s telemetry. She worried about dying out here, with her dad never knowing for certain what happened to her. She was just so damn homesick.
And she wondered if her soul would be able to find its way to heaven so far away from Earth.
We all talked to her, tried to cheer her up, but the problem is, when you’ve been around the same thirty people for so long, your patience for everybody’s annoying little quirks wears pretty thin. Folks just began rolling their eyes when she would start to lose it. I even snapped at her, told her to stop freaking out and get refocused on the mission.
I know, babe. I don’t really blame myself for her committing suicide, but damn it all, I could’ve been more supportive. I’m the COB. It’s my job to know the crew’s minds so I can keep everything running smooth. I’m supposed to listen to ‘em, especially when they’re having problems. Of course, I’m supposed to kick ‘em in the ass when they need it too. Shit.
So, we’ve had our first death. In accordance to her wishes, as specified in her suicide note, we committed her body to space. Yeah, I can guess what you’re thinking—it doesn’t seem too damn consistent with the particular worries she was having over her soul and all, but I don’t think rationality was her strong suit in those last few days. It may not make sense to any of us, but it’s apparently what she’d been waiting for weeks for.
Nathan said a few words, we said a prayer, and we all jumped back into work. Things are quieter now, more polite, more introspective, I guess. I’m not sure that’s a good thing, though.
Diane’s death is like a slap in the face. It woke us up, but it also put us on the defensive. Folks aren’t talking to each other like they should be. This is when we need to be finalizing things, polishing off our diplomatic and tactical plans. It’s almost game-time and we should be looking for ways to come together, not drift further apart. On top of everything, her death was the last thing we needed.
Everybody is taking it hard. Nathan is beating himself up. Kris too. The XO isn’t beating himself up—he’s pissed at her instead, but I’m not sure that’s in any way a better thing.
I’ll give ‘em all another day to play the self-blame game (myself included) and then I’ll commence to kicking everybody’s ass. We have got to get our heads straight—Nathan most of all. These Deltans aren’t going to give a shit if we’re tired of each other, or depressed, or worried, or whatever. They know what they’re about, they have their own agenda, and they’re going to follow it, whether we’re ready or not. We have to be ready.
That’s it, babe. I realize that by the time you get this note, we’ll have already made first contact, so it’ll all be over, one way or another, but pray for me anyway. We’re going to need all the help you and the man upstairs can provide, belated or not.
I love you.
— Dave
XXX EOM XXX
14: “FIRST CONTACT”
August 16, 2046; USS Sword of Liberty (DA-1), 0.48 light-years from Earth, 2.0 light-seconds (600,000 km) from alien formation; Mission Day 529
Alone in the vast darkness, a sword of light slashed across the void. So far from the life-giving radiance and warmth of Sol, the only star mankind had ever known as more than an abstract point on the matte black canvas of the sky, there was no real illumination other than what the brilliantly lit vessel produced on its own. The blade of this rapier-like ship was crafted of light itself, a long contrail of focused energy, so strong and so fiery that its very emission was enough to drive the ship through the night. The sword’s hilt, the source of that shining blade, was a tiny thing lost in the vastness, a warm, dully glowing construct of metal, carbon, and unflinching will.
Abruptly, the blade of light vanished, shutting off its driving radiance after seventeen months of near-continuous operation. The USS Sword of Liberty coasted through space, lit only by the dull reddish glow of the radiator panels running down the middle third of her length. Her forward third—a maul-like hexagonal wedge of dark gray crystalline armor, antennas, radar panels, weapon emplacements, and missile hatches—flashed with lances of blue-white light, smaller, but no less brilliant than the illumination produced by her main engine.
These pulses of radiant thrust slewed the ship around and then arrested her traverse, such that she was now pointed bow-on toward the only other artifact in their small bubble of space—a bright spark of violet with a forward leading contrail of blue brilliance all its own. This, the quarry that had driven the crew to build their amazing little ship, was a constrained sphere of plasma, a star-in-miniature that the visitors somehow used as their drive. And circling about this angry, roiling ball of gas were four constructs, invisible to the naked eye from this distance—the enigmatic alien ships of the Deltans themselves.
The Sword of Liberty was not limited to the naked eye, though. Telescopic cameras dotted her hull and combined their data in phase, effectively giving the destroyer a virtual lens as large as the ship herself. The ship channeled the resulting image to the very interested parties in her Bridge Control Room, buried at the center of the forward mission hull.
And within that Bridge, Commander Nathan Kelley, Captain and Commanding Officer of their far flung expedition, looked at the magnified image with an intensity that had built itself steadily over mile upon impossible mile of their journey, until it seemed strong enough to blast through the screen and through the hull, strong enough to reach out to the Deltans and reveal their mysteries all by itself.
Alas, no matter how hard he looked, he was only human, and no such capability existed. Nathan shook his head, and frowned. So close and yet … .