“Yeah, well, I still don’t really give a rat’s ass about how you remember it.” Her stomach turned and twisted, wrenching at the memories that had trampled her heart. She held back the bile climbing up her throat. “When I walked into your room, you were kissing her…” Carrie Ann’s face scrunched in disgust and hands tangled around each other. “Your hands were shoved into her hair. And! Your dick was poking her in the stomach.”
“She was kissing me. I was trying to get her off me.”
“Whatever, Summer. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Bullshit. It matters. Speaking of chicken shit…maybe you should take a look in the mirror. Because right at this very second you know damn well you want to be with me and you’re throwing it away. Why are you so scared to admit you want to be with me?”
His soft voice pulled at the threads binding her heart. Carrie Ann was more than scared. She was terrified. A deep intimate conversation would only lead to rehashing the past, open old wounds, and threaten to reveal haunting secrets that were best left buried.
“What’s it gonna take, Red? Hmm? You were an open fucking book when you were drugged. You may not remember it, but I heard every word. Loud and clear.” He spoke with such a quiet intensity that her eyes swung around to meet his. They burned bright of their own illumination, desire and longing in every color on full display. “Time is ticking by. I’m tired of fighting it. If we don’t fix this now, we’re going to grow old apart from each other because at one point or another one of us was too damn stubborn to admit we were wrong.”
She felt trapped in the center of his attention, drowning in painful memories of the solitary confinement that followed their breakup. Grief and loss flooded to the surface. Tears sprung to her eyes. Clenching her fingers to the edges of her jacket, she wrapped it tightly around her body, charging off the porch into the pouring rain.
The sound of his stomping feet, sloshed in a wake behind her.
“This isn’t done, Red. We’re going to talk about what you said to me on the flight here. You can’t keep it tabled forever.” He came to an abrupt halt. His voice raised, yelling over the weather, “I can’t bring back yesterday, Carrie Ann! Neither one of us can. You’re not the only one with scars ya know. And there’s damn sure something you’re not telling me! So how about you try being honest…with yourself!”
The storm brewing inside her body grew far darker than the one looming overhead. The wetness on her face had nothing to do with the rain. She stumbled blindly through a torrent of tears and thickets of long grass toward the steam rising above the hot springs not far from the cabin. Steam hovered at ledges of three natural waterfalls, pouring over the edge in sheets as hot water cascaded from one tier to the next, dropping into limestone soaking pools.
Carefully, she scrambled over a few boulders, seeking shelter beneath the pines along the pond’s edge. Wiping excess water from a large flat rock, she lowered herself to the slick surface. Carrie Ann stripped off her boots, testing the temperature with the tips of her toes before dipping them into the healing waters. Aspen climbed into her lap, licking at the salty drops on her chin.
She’d never been able to forgive Summer. He wasn’t there when she needed him the most. Nor could she escape the guilt she endured for the events following that marked day. Shayla was the only person who she dared to share her grief with. Her best friend refused to leave her side, helping her through the depression she suffered after the loss. Carrie Ann didn’t have the nerve to revisit the hopelessness she worked so hard to get past. The scar still rested too close to the surface.
There was no time limit on the feelings. She still mourned for what had been stripped from her life. The numbness still haunted her soul like the veil of mist suspended above the hot mineral water, capable of vanishing in the slightest breeze yet always there, drifting and hovering in a transparent shroud.
The fact that she’d never been able to move on to pursue a future with another man bothered her for years. She desperately wanted to find a love, deep and true, the kind that would last a lifetime. But, after Summer, she never let anyone get close enough to try. Not that she didn’t try to fall in love. She endured a few long term relationships, wished upon a shooting star, prayed for a good man, drank in her sadness with a one-night-stand, but nothing worked. Over time, her love for the Have A Heart Foundation filled the empty void, helping to heal her damaged heart. Or so she thought. Simply being near Summer brought back the disorienting feelings of shock and anger, aching for the love she’d lost.
Shivering from head to toe, she cuddled Aspen to her front, sinking her feet further into the silky warmth. Carrie Ann sat there for what seemed like an hour, stroking Aspen’s fine golden fur turned wavy from the moisture thick air. Tiny clear droplets gathered on the tips of each needle sprouting from the branches suspended above the clear pond. Staring out, she watched them fall upon the water sending perfect ripples across the surface.
The puppy rested the underneath of her neck on Carrie Ann’s chest peering up at her with chocolate eyes. One furry brow lifted and then the other, going back forth like a teeter-totter. She gave a small whine of concern, inching her cold nose higher.
“It’s okay, girl,” she assured between sniffles, stroking her head.
“No, it’s not okay.” Came a quiet husky voice from behind. The sweet sound caused her to crack. Her shoulders shook as another round of tears broke free. Summer hinged at the waist holding a large black umbrella above their heads. He offered her a hand, helping her to her feet. “Christ, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. You know how much that kills me.”
Without asking, without warning, without hesitation, he drew her into his chest. She stiffened against the solid masculinity, but her thoughts scattered yearning for the comfort and warmth he offered.
Umbrella in hand, his forearm locked around her. She trembled a little as his free hand wrung the excess water from her sopping wet hair. Summer leaned in, trapping her chilled face between his cheek and palm, holding her there until heat of his flesh spread gradually through her limbs and below.
Carrie Ann flinched as he reached for the buttons of her jacket. “What are you trying to do? Undress me again?”
Summer removed her jacket, bundling her in a large dry towel. She refused to release the puppy, using her as a barrier between them. He handed off the umbrella, scooping her and Aspen into his strong arms. She let out a little shaky squeak, but her complaints were instantly silenced with one look, daring her to protest.
“I didn’t undress you, Red. I suggested you change when we were at your place, but you mentioned something about it being a very Pretty Woman moment and insisted on wearing your gown.”
“C..clearly, you did because I was naked when I woke up and…I could tell you s…slept with me.” Tenacity lost to the chattering of her teeth.
“You undressed yourself during the flight.” Raising one eyebrow, he flashed her a small, but sympathetic smile. “You managed to put your heels back on…” he paused sucking in a shallow breath. “You claimed it was for me, but I’m pretty sure you enjoyed wearing them.”
Her mind raced. Curiosity and concern grew into apprehension, rising into panic. Suddenly, her mouth felt like cotton. Her voice completely lost to the play of strained muscles near the dip where his shoulder met his neck. Releasing the breath she’d been holding, Carrie Ann surrendered to the exhaustion inundating her body, and rested her head on his chest. The rapid beat of his heart thumped against her ear.
Damn he smelled delicious.
The rising temperature of his body penetrated her clothing bringing a tingle of awareness to every point of contact. She tried to force her gaze away from his handsome features, but she hadn’t been this close to him in years. Intrigued by his seasoned attributes, she indulged in the fine lines sweeping from his eyes to his temples where she located a few grey hairs.