He moved the hat so the brim pointed way up. And though I didn’t think I could wear it that way, he said:
“There, like that. That’s better. A lot better. Take a closer look in the mirror.” He pulled it down again slightly. “No, it’s too big after all. Too big. There’s no way of arranging it so you can’t tell.” Then, stepping back from me, as if he was disappointed: “Anyway, why are you in such a hurry to get a hat? You’ll have plenty of time to wear hats. You’re young, maybe you’ll live to see all sorts of different sizes, styles, colors. Someone has to have hope that someone else will live to see it. And who should have hope if not you young people. I’m too old now for hope, too old for this new world. That’s what the government people told me, that this is a new world and that I don’t understand it because I’m too old. I’d gone there to ask why the state was taking over my shop, they should just buy it from me. I wouldn’t be crazy about selling it, but I’d do it. It was then that one of them told me I don’t understand a thing. This is a revolution, citizen. I asked him, What does that mean? Revolution is revolution, the point is you have to believe in it. Don’t ask any more questions, citizen. Just sign here. No need to read it. Of course I signed. I even thanked him for being so kind as to tell me I don’t understand anything. Perhaps you’d like a peaked cap?” He went behind the counter and started taking peaked caps down from the shelves, one two, three. “Here, maybe this one. It’s even your size. Or this one. Or perhaps this one. This one’d suit you better. Of all kinds of headwear, peaked caps bring out youth the most. Though maybe you don’t want to look young? If that’s the case, when are you going to be young? Now is your only chance to look young. There isn’t all that much youth in a person’s life. Especially if their life goes on and on. And it can’t be put off till later. It’s another matter that the present times are not too favorable for youth. These days even the young don’t know they’re young.”
“Come on, things are not so bad,” I said, daring to disagree, because as I stood in front of the mirror there was no doubt in my mind that at least on the outside I was young.
“Appearances, appearances, young man. It’s dangerous to trust yourself so readily, especially as you can only see yourself in the mirror. You should think carefully about the brown felt hat, all the more since it’s too big. The moment you came in, there was something in your face that troubled me. I mean, I know faces. My whole life I’ve been finding hats to match faces. And for that you need both experience and distrust. With every face, you have to ignore its vulnerability and first expose separately the eyes, the forehead, eyebrows, nose, mouth, cheeks, the whole thing, in minute detail so to speak. Then piece it back together again in all its fuzziness or excessive clarity, reduce it all the way to indistinctness, so nothing prevents you from seeing its special mark that’s hidden, hidden deep as can be, but that exists in every face. Yes indeed, the face reaches deep inside a person. And each one needs a different kind of hat. Then it’s much easier to pick the right hat. Though at the same time you have to remember that in the process of choosing we also have to deal with the other side of the equation, since hats can be fussy too, crabby even. At times they can mislead you so badly you forget what you’re trying to match to what, the hat to the face or the face to the hat. Let me tell you, it hurt when a hat rejected a face but the client liked the way he looked in it. I felt sorry for every rejected face, though I ought to have been on the side of the hat. Not just because hats have been my whole life, that everything has revolved around them. Each new day would rise from behind my hats and go down again behind them at the end, so to speak. Hats swirled in my thoughts, my desires, my longings, my ideas. To the point that whenever I tried to imagine humanity to myself, it was always as an infinity of hats. There were times I started to wonder whether I wasn’t a hat myself. Though on whose head? On whose head? So I admit that when the state took over my shop I felt a sense of relief, young man. It was as if someone had released me from some duty. More, that I’d been set free. I won’t deny there was also regret, maybe even despair, but above all it was relief. Take the hat off a moment.”
I removed it, he took it from me and went behind the counter. He bent down and vanished from view, as if he were looking for something stowed away somewhere deep. I could only hear his voice from under the counter:
“There should be a newspaper down here someplace. A client left it one time. I don’t read the newspapers. Ah, here it is.” He reappeared. “Step up closer, please. And watch carefully. Fold the newspaper more or less to the width of this inner lining. Not too thick, or it’ll end up being too small for you.” He slipped the newspaper under the lining of the hat and pressed it flat, working his way around the whole circumference. “Here, now try it on. At least it won’t wobble about on your head. Or fall down over your eyes. If you take it off, just make sure you never set it upside down. The same when you hang it up, make sure the inside of the hat never shows. And most important of all, when you raise your hat to greet someone, never do it from too far off. The newspaper could fall out before you pass the person you’re greeting. And for goodness’ sake never ever lift the hat too high. You only need to raise it just above your head, or even just lift it up a little. It can be a big gesture, but the hat itself should only just be tipped upward. Let’s give it a try. I’ll give you a different hat and put yours on, I’ll show you.”
He gave me one of the dull-colored ones and had me step back by the display. He put the brown felt hat on and retreated to the counter.
“Oh yes, we should put the light on, since we have light now. It’ll be easier to see. All right, so we’re walking towards one another. Really slowly, like in a slow-motion film. There’s no reason to hurry. You’re approaching me, I’m approaching you. I’m the one who’s supposed to say hello first, and you’ll return the greeting. What I mean is, you’re not you, I’m you, as I’ve got the hat with the newspaper in the lining. Pay careful attention. We’re walking. I don’t greet you yet, we’re still too far apart. Only now, when we’re almost passing each other. And you don’t greet me, I greet you. You have to return my greeting. Don’t snatch the hat off your head like that, the newspaper could fall out. Never mind that I’m wearing the brown felt hat, you’re the one who’s practicing. You raise your hand over your hat, like this. Slowly. Or like this, in a big broad gesture, depending on who you’re saying hello to. It looks as if you’re going to lift your hat almost to the height of your outstretched arm, but in fact as you pass one another you don’t remove your hat at all, or you only raise it up very slightly. Sometimes a gesture alone can serve as a greeting. But don’t forget to look back after you pass, just in case. Because if it turns out the other person has looked back as well, you can make an additional motion with your hand as if you were just replacing the hat on your head after the greeting. Let’s try it one more time. This time you have the hat with the newspaper, and I’ll take yours, and we’ll switch roles. We’ll see how you manage. Come over here, to my place, I’ll go over by the display.”
We practiced several times, and each time he corrected something in my greeting. Then in the middle of one of the practice runs, before we’d had time to greet each other, it was like he suddenly woke up, he came to a halt, winced winced a little as if from shame and said: