A Village Affair

Peter Morris began to laugh. After a while, having pondered the joke to itself, the parrot joined him.

'So you disapprove of an excellent friendship?'

'I disapprove of people being made fools of.'

'Fool!' the parrot cried with energy. 'Fool! Good morning. Who is a pretty bagpiper, may I ask?'

'Oh dear,' Clodagh said, pushing Charlie up the village street beside Alice, 'Lettice is disapproving of me again. She does it about every three years and she will never tell me why.'

'Perhaps,' Alice said, 'she pays you the compliment of thinking you ought to know why.'

'This time I do know. And what's more, she's ahead of me-'

'What do you mean?'

A car drew up beside them and a woman's voice said clearly, 'Mrs Jordan?'

They stopped. The face looking out of the driver's window was brightly made up under careful hair, and surmounted a blue blouse tied at the neck with a bow. Clodagh, behind Alice, hissed faintly.

'Cathy Fanshawe, Mrs Jordan. I've been meaning to come for weeks, but what with one thing and another, I've been so rushed I haven't known whether I'm coming or going. It's the Conservatives-'

Alice stooped to the car window.

'Conservatives?'

'My husband is the local chairman. We're so thrilled you've moved in. Geoffrey said-'

Clodagh gave Alice a sharp dig from behind.

'Mrs Fanshawe, I'm afraid that I'm not really a Conservative-'

'Surely,' Mrs Fanshawe said, thinking of The Grey House and Martin's appearance and the school run to Salisbury in unmistakable uniform, 'you can't think the Liberals are any kind of alternative just now?'

'No,' Alice said, 'I don't. I-'

Clodagh came to stoop beside her.

'She's a babe in arms about politics, I'm afraid. And about most things. Too sad.'

Mrs Fanshawe looked nervous. A well cared-for hand crept up to adjust the bow on her blouse.

'Perhaps your husband-'

'He,' said Clodagh firmly, 'is worse. Much worse. Practically a Communist.'

Alice began to shake.

'So sorry-'

'Perhaps I might just call one evening? With the forms.' She looked directly at Alice. 'We could have a proper chat about it.'

Helplessly, Alice subsided in silent laughter on the pavement. Charlie watched her gravely from his pushchair.

'You see?' Clodagh said to Mrs Fanshawe. 'So sad. Not fit to make an adult decision really. I don't think the Conservatives could want her. Do you?'

Pink with indignation, Mrs Fanshawe put her car into gear.

'It's really,' Clodagh said gloomily, 'a hopeless case.'

Alice gave a little yelp. Mrs Fanshawe wound her window up with great speed and let the clutch out too suddenly in her agitation so that the car leaped forward like a kangaroo. Across the street, old Fred Mott watched them from behind his cactus collection; the jerking car, Alice still sitting giggling and helpless on the ground, Clodagh standing above her in an attitude of the profoundest regret. He began to giggle faintly himself.

'What's up with you,' his granddaughter-in-law Sally said, bringing in a bowl of pot noodles from the kitchen.

'Them girls,' Fred said, wheezing. 'Them girls there. Them bad girls.'

Sally looked.

'You don't want to take no notice of them. That's just Miss Clodagh, bullyragging again. That's all.'

Clodagh put her hand under Alice's arm.

'Get up, do. Honestly. What will people think? First you upset nice Mrs Fanshawe who utterly worships my mother and then you sit on the ground and giggle like a glue-sniffing schoolkid. Charlie's quite shocked.'

'Bah,' Charlie said.

Alice struggled up, wiping her eyes.

'Clodagh, you are absolutely shameless-'

'On the contrary. I'm trying to get you off the street and into the privacy of your own home before the whole village thinks you are on the bottle.' She waved across at Fred Mott, chumbling through his pot noodles, and he grinned back and shook his spoon. 'If Sally Mott has seen us, we might as well be tomorrow's headline in the Sun.' She began to push Charlie briskly uphill, talking as she went. Weak with spent laughter, Alice followed.

'Stupid,' Sally Mott said, resolving to tell Gwen. 'Too old to behave like kids.'

'I like a bit of fun,' Fred said, letting the noodles dribble down his chin. He glared at Sally. 'I like a gay girl, I do.'

After lunch, Clodagh took Charlie upstairs and put him in his cot and pulled the cord of his musical box so that it began to play 'Edelweiss', over and over, luring him into sleep. Charlie liked his cot. He put his first finger into his mouth, turned on his side and gave himself over to the tinny little tune. Clodagh dropped a kiss on his warm round head, drew the curtains and went down to the kitchen where Alice was putting plates into the dishwasher before she went up to the studio to paint until Natasha and James came home. The room was full of contented post-lunch quiet. Alice shut the dishwasher door and straightened up. 'Don't go,' Clodagh said. She was standing just inside the doorway to the hall, still holding the doorknob in her hand.

'What, not paint? But I thought-'

'I want,' Clodagh said, 'to talk to you.'

Alice found she was holding her breath. She stayed where she was, by the dishwasher, silhouetted against the window. Clodagh went round the table to the two wooden armchairs by the Aga, lifted Balloon off one, and sat down with him on her knee.

'Come here,' Clodagh said. 'Come here where I can see you.'

Alice came, very slowly. She sat opposite Clodagh, upright and on the alert as if bracing herself for a row.

'What-'

'Wait,' Clodagh said, stroking Balloon.

'What do you mean, wait-'

'Wait until you aren't exuding anxiety and apprehension like a blue flame.' She looked at Alice. 'What are you afraid of?'

'I'm not afraid.'

'Sure?'

'Only - excited afraid-'

'That's all right then.'

There was a pause. It was a silent pause except for Balloon's purring and, far away, a distant aeroplane. It's two o'clock, Alice thought, two o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon...

'It's time,' Clodagh said. 'Isn't it.'

'Time? Time for what-'

Clodagh sighed gently.

'Time for me to tell you that I love you. Time for us to begin.'

Alice said nothing. She sat absolutely still and stared at Clodagh. Clodagh picked Balloon off her knee, kissed his nose and put him on the floor. Then she looked back at Alice.

'You know what a spoiled brat I am,' Clodagh said. 'You know how I always want what I want right now. Well, by my standards, I've waited for you because I... I knew it was going to be worth it. I've waited since I saw your reflection in the mirror when you came into the drawing room at home and I felt my stomach turn over. Love at first sight. Love Alice.'

She stood up and crossed the few feet between them and knelt in front of Alice.

'What about you?'

In a slightly strangled voice, Alice said, 'Me?'

'Yes. You. What do you feel about me?'

Alice leaned forward and put her hands either side of Clodagh's face.

'I feel,' Alice said, 'that I hate it when you go out of the room.

'More,' Clodagh said.

'Everything I do with you is more fun, better, than anything I do with anyone else or by myself. I like myself better. I feel more - more able. I'm so happy,' Alice said, putting her arms round Clodagh's neck and burying her face in her hair. 'I'm so happy I feel quite mad.'

Clodagh undid Alice's arms so that she could push her away a little.

'Kiss me.'

Alice bent again.

'No,' Clodagh said, 'on second thoughts, I'll kiss you. I think you need a bit of handling.'

After a considerable time, watched detachedly by the kitten, Clodagh drew away and said, 'Wrong again. You don't need any handling. You just need lots more of the same.'